The League

Crazy Church Story of the Day

by Chris Dierkes · May 23, 2009

So I’m working at my church today and there’s a wedding. It’s all going more or less swimmingly (the bride was fashionably late as they say but whatever); it’s a beautiful day everybody’s dressed up.

Until… not one prayer and one song into the service, one of the groomsmen passes out. Bam. Fortunately he got into his seat when he started feeling woozy–since we have wood floors that could have been quite dangerous.

We got him into the back room and thankfully dude appeared alright though obviously shaken up. I called the ambulance; they brought him some oxygen. He looked ghost white and was probably just really dehydrated. One of the other groomsmen said (rather sheepishly) to the paramedic: “ummm, he had a few beers last night and then this morning…” Brother man went to to the hospital so hopefully he’s on the mend. Well wishes for his recovery.

But I totally missed my chance on two fronts:

1. I could have commandeered the mic and yelled out, “Is there a doctor in the house?”*

2. I didn’t get the message of a guy passing out clearly enough across to the organist. I made a hand motion of standing and then falling down and then closed my eyes but that didn’t work. If I had really been on the ball, I would have told the organist to play the groomsmen off:

I’ll take a “next time Gadget” on this one I suppose.

—

* Actually it turned out there was a doctor in the house and he helped take care of the guy. Tip of the bowler hat to the medical staff who were on the spot toute quick.

Update I:

I forgot about the other crazy part. Before the service started there was a man in the church with a hoody sweatshirt and at first he looked like a street-guy. [It’s a downtown church, so my eyes are peeled for said individuals]. I asked him if I could help him and he turned around and had glasses, a giant white beard, and a big belly. That shook like a bowlful of you no what when he laughed. He wished me well and I kid you not gave me the following bill:

So I met Kris Kringle on top of everthing else today.

Chris Dierkes

Chris Dierkes (aka CJ Smith). 29 years old, happily married, adroit purveyor and voracious student of all kinds of information, theories, methods of inquiry, and forms of practice. Studying to be a priest in the Anglican Church in Canada. Main interests: military theory, diplomacy, foreign affairs, medieval history, religion & politics (esp. Islam and Christianity), and political grand bargains of all shapes and sizes.