McWeed
Dateline: Vancouver, BC April 20th
I’m starting to think 4/20 is a conspiracy perpetrated by the McDonalds corporation.
I’ve just finished my normal daily routine of cleaning the outside grounds of the downtown church where I work. The haze of BC Bud emanating from across the street at the Art Gallery is so massive I thought for a moment I had been temporarily transported to Iceland or an episode of Lost.
Meanwhile across the street, the Mc-ey D’s is making an absolute killing; the lineup of stoners with the munchies is out the door and down the street. Besides ganja, I smell a corporatist takeover.
All I know is those dirty effin hippies left garbage freakin’ everywhere. I shook my mechanical garbage-picking up claw at those damn kids (and quite literally in one case) yelled at those damn kids to get off the lawn. Where’s Cartman when you need him?
And lastly….
Memo to rather round /super-high slob: just because this church is GLBT friendly does not mean mock dry humping another guy in the backside on the church plaza is legit.
I do what I can to combat the copulating hippies by not getting “4/20” references and yelling at them for celebrating Hitler’s birthday.Report
Sorry to hear that. Trust me, this medical use smoker does not leave trash everywhere.Report
On behalf of all decent gays I offer the communities apologies for our more crass members.Report
@North, quite the contrary. he was (from what I could tell) some dumbass straight guy.Report
@North, Like Chris suggested, in my experience, the males who find faux humping most amusing tend to be straight. Except for when they’re drunk, in which case, it’s not as clear that they’re joking.Report
@North, Ah, well I feel much better to hear it.Report
Hahaha that’s brilliant, Chris.Report
This is disappointing; this is not the ‘kumbaya Christianity that I’m used to here….this is ‘judgmental!’
And, North, if you see heteros doing the nasty, I’ll apologize for that. I mean if you need a jump…get a room!Report
@Bob Cheeks, Bob me lad, you mustn’t have watched much TV lately eh? That said, worry not, it doesn’t bother me.Report
@North, NOrth, olde palsy, I watch X-File and Twilight Zone re-runs! I intend to remain at least three decades behind the times.Report
@Bob Cheeks,
That is a wise policy otherwise you’d be apologizing for heterosexual dry humping all day and frankly I’d be more interested in reading you philosophizing of curmudgeoning.Report
err I meant philosophizing or curmudgeoning, though I’m sure that any unified curmudgeon philosophy or philosophy of cumudgeoning would be interesting too.Report
I have observed modern heteros intellectually dry humping all over da place. Is that phenomenon observable in the homosexual community?Report
@Bob Cheeks, that’s the wacky thing about dry humping. It don’t matter which inclination you follow. All that matters is that you’re wearing sweats and so are they.
So many memories.Report
@Bob Cheeks, Yes Bob, some gays would claim that we were doing it before it was cool (mostly to annoy the social cons) but personally I think it was a hip-hop innovation.Report
Jay/NOrth, I can testify that heteros were dry humping as far back as 1964. But to prove it would require the testimony of someone’s grandma…that’s a sad, dudes, very sad!
“…as time goes by.”Report
@Bob Cheeks, AS WELL THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN.
Though I try to imagine what stuff would have been like with those “space-age fabrics” and I am torn between “whoa” and “ouch”.Report