Biology in Practice: How to Stretch a Gallon of Milk

LEFT: Yogurt is comprised of Streptococcus thermophilus and Lactobacilli such as bulgaricus, acidophilus, casei, and rhamnosis.

In the spirit of Tod Kelly’s Cheap-ass Gourmet series, and to add to the plethora of food posts we’ve had here this weekend…

It’s amazing what a gallon of milk can be turned into. Below the fold I have included detailed instructions on how to turn one gallon of milk (usually ranging in price from $2.50 to $6.00) into a quart of tzatziki, a quart of Greek yogurt parfait, a glob of labneh, a block of faux-neufchatel, a medium-sized cheesecake, a small lasagna’s worth of ricotta cheese, a hearty soup, and two weeks worth of skin care.

Enjoy, oh wise Stewards of Nature.

 

PROTOCOL I: MAKING YOGURT

Supplies: a gallon of milk; a thick pot; a second pot; a four-cup measuring pitcher; a (meat) thermometer; one cup of plain yogurt; five one-quart (hermetically-sealable) mason jars; a fork (for mixing); a cooler

A good sterile technique is crucial for converting milk into clean, fresh-tasting yogurt. If you do this scientifically, this yogurt should taste better than any yogurt you’ve ever had. All temperature values are in Fahrenheit.

1. Sterilize mason jars: boil/steam mason jars and lids for ten minutes in a large pot(s) with the lid on. Do not remove the lid of this pot until you’re ready to incubate (step 9).

2. Pour a gallon of milk into a thick pot. (You don’t have to use a thick pot, but if you use a thin pot, you’ll have to stir frequently to avoid burning the milk.)

3. Heat milk on low-medium to about 185 degrees Fahrenheit. Make sure not to burn the milk. Properly done, this should take you at least thirty minutes.

4. Let milk cool to about 125 degrees Fahrenheit in a cold-water bath.

5. Measure out one cup of 125-degree milk.

6. Mix into a uniform slurry with one cup of yogurt in the measuring cup.

7. Slowly add this mixture to the rest of the milk still in the thick pot. Stir vigorously.

8. Make a 125-degree hot water bath in a cooler that is large enough to hold five one-quart mason jars.

9. Fill five one-quart mason jars up to their necks with milk-yogurt mix. Seal mason jars and place them in the cooler’s hot water bath so that they are still (i.e. make sure the water level does not rise above the necks of the mason jars).

10. Close lid of cooler and incubate for three to seven hours or overnight.

11. Refrigerate for twenty-four hours. If you completed all the previous steps correctly, you should now have a bit less than five quarts of yogurt.

 

PROTOCOLS II THROUGH IX: WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THAT YOGURT

II. Use one quart to make tzatziki:

Supplies: coffee filter, strainer, big bowl, yogurt, mason jar, extra virgin olive oil, fresh dill weed, cucumber, garlic

1. Place a coffee filter over a strainer in a big bowl.

2. Pour yogurt from mason jar onto coffee filter; let sit in refrigerator for 1 – 2 hours. Make sure to save and return whey (filtrate) to now empty mason jar.

3. Mix EVOO, fresh, pulverized dill weed, diced or julienned cucumber (make sure to scrape any juices off your cutting board and into the mixture), and minced garlic with strained yogurt to taste.

4. Refrigerate. You have just made one quart of tzatziki, an excellent salad dressing or garnish for sandwiches.

 

III. Use a second quart to make Greek yogurt parfait:

Supplies: coffee filter, strainer, big bowl, yogurt, mason jar, pomegranate, small bowl, honey, Grape-Nuts

1. Place a coffee filter over a strainer in a big bowl.

2. Pour yogurt from mason jar onto coffee filter; let sit in refrigerator for 1 – 2 hours. Make sure to save and return whey (filtrate) to the same empty mason jar as in (II).

3. Cut one large pomegranate in half; remove all the seeds and place them in a bowl.

4. Mix pomegranate seeds and two or three heaping spoonfuls of raw, unfiltered honey (I find clover goes best with pomegranate) with strained yogurt to taste. Layer in mason jar s’il vous préférez.

5. You now have one quart of Greek yogurt parfait. Serve with Grape-Nuts sprinkled on top.

 

IV. Use a third quart to make labneh:

Supplies: coffee filter, strainer, big bowl, yogurt, mason jar, mixing bowl, salt, cheesecloth, pot, small bowl for serving, extra virgin olive oil, olives, pistachios, grape tomatoes, fresh mint, bread, white vinegar, red wine, black pepper, rosemary

1. Place a coffee filter over a strainer in a big bowl (noticing a pattern?).

2. Pour yogurt from mason jar onto coffee filter; let sit in refrigerator for 1 – 2 hours. Make sure to save and return whey (filtrate) to the same empty mason jar as in (II).

3. Scrape filtered yogurt into mixing bowl; add one teaspoon of salt; mix thoroughly.

4. Spoon mixture into a fresh cheesecloth (or any clean cloth really) spread out over a pot; tie cheesecloth and suspend over the pot to collect the whey; let sit in refrigerator for 24 hours. Intermittently squeeze off lingering whey. Because it has been salted, make sure to save and return whey (filtrate) to a different empty mason jar from (II).

5. After twenty-four hours have passed, remove cheese from cloth and shape into a uniform ball with clean hands. Place in bowl, create well in the middle of the cheese (as with mashed potatoes) and smother with EVOO. Top with diced black and/or kalamata olives, halved grape tomatoes, and crushed pistachios; garnish amply with chopped fresh mint. Place this bowl on larger plate.

6. Cut pita bread, ciabatta, and/or baguette into one-centimeter-thick (or less) chip-sized pieces (about sixty or eighty pieces altogether is a nice amount).

7. Pan-fry bread in two parts olive oil; splash with one part white vinegar, one more part olive oil, and one part red wine. (Shiraz or grenache works well here.) Continue to fry until firm and golden brown but not burned. Make sure to flip bread. Garnish with black pepper and/or rosemary (this works well if you chop up a stock and a half or so, fry half the rosemary in olive oil before putting bread on the frypan and then sprinkle the other half of chopped rosemary on top of the bread when you’re almost finished frying).

8. Arrange chips on large plate around bowl. As an appetizer, this dish serves eight to ten people.

 

V. Use a fourth quart to make faux-neufchatel:

Supplies: coffee filter, strainer, big bowl, yogurt, mason jar, mixing bowl, salt, cheesecloth, pot, “Tupperware”, chives

1. Place a coffee filter over a strainer in a big bowl.

2. Pour yogurt from mason jar onto coffee filter; let sit in refrigerator for 1 – 2 hours. Make sure to save and return whey (filtrate) to the same empty mason jar as in (II).

3. Scrape filtered yogurt into mixing bowl; add one teaspoon of salt and chopped chives; mix thoroughly.

4. Spoon mixture into a fresh cheesecloth (or any clean cloth really) spread out over a pot; tie cheesecloth and suspend over the pot to collect the whey; let sit in refrigerator for 24 – 48 hours. Intermittently squeeze off lingering whey. Because it has been salted (and chived), make sure to save this whey along with the salted whey from (IV).

5. After twenty-four hours have passed, remove cheese from cloth and pack into Tupperware or fake Tupperware (I prefer fake Tupperware for real neufchatel and real Tupperware for fake neufchatel.) Put this on your bagel; avoid early cardiovascular death.

 

VI. Use a fifth quart to make cheesecake:

Supplies: coffee filter, strainer, big bowl, yogurt, mason jar, mixing bowl, salt, cheesecloth, two eggs, fresh cream, flour, butter

So far we’ve eyeballed everything we’ve made from our initial gallon of milk, but for baking we want precise amounts:

1. Place a coffee filter over a strainer in a big bowl.

2. Pour yogurt from mason jar onto coffee filter; let sit in refrigerator for 1 – 2 hours. Make sure to save and return whey (filtrate) to the same empty mason jar as in (II).

3. Scrape filtered yogurt into mixing bowl; add one teaspoon of salt; mix thoroughly.

4. Spoon mixture into a fresh cheesecloth (or any clean cloth really) spread out over a pot; tie cheesecloth and suspend over the pot to collect the whey; let sit in refrigerator for 24 – 48 hours. Intermittently squeeze off lingering whey. Because it has been salted, make sure to save this whey along with the salted whey from (IV).

5. After twenty-four hours have passed, remove cheese from cloth, and measure out 200 grams in a mixing bowl. Add the rest to labneh (IV) or faux-neufchatel (V).

6. Add 80 grams sucrose (or alternatively 120 grams honey or maple syrup); two eggs, one cup of fresh cream, 30 grams flour, and 45 grams unsalted butter.

7. Spoon into delicious graham cracker crust.

8. Bake at 340 degrees Fahrenheit for 40 minutes. 9. Top with favorite seasonal chutney or compote (future post). Let cool in refrigerator. Enjoy.

 

VII. Use the salted whey from IV, V, and VI as soup stock:

I won’t go into too much detail here, but, I find that salted whey goes well as a stock for French onion soup, especially considering what happens in Protocol VIII:

 

VIII. Heat the unsalted whey from II, III, IV, V, and VI to make ricotta cheese:

Hopefully you’ve been collecting the unsalted whey that has filtered off and you now have about a quart of it. It should be relatively clear and yellowish in color. Tasting it should make you want to polish your broadsword and shout “Valhalla I am coming!”.

1. Place a coffee filter over a strainer in a big bowl.

2. Put this whey in a thick pot and heat slowly to about 200 degrees Fahrenheit. A delicate precipitate should form. If it does not, try adding some delicate acid (white balsamic vinegar or citric acid – i.e. lemon juice – are relatively good sources for this). Try and keep the becheesed liquid just below boiling point for no longer than a few minutes.

3. Pour contents of pot over filter.

4. Let sit in refrigerator for two to three hours. You won’t get the best ever yield out of this, but you should wind up with enough ricotta cheese for a small lasagna or a few cannoli.

 

IX. Use the unsalted whey that remains after making ricotta cheese for skin care:

If you’re someone who is inclined towards caring for your skin, whey has been used successfully in this capacity for thousands of years.

1. Soak some paper towel strips in whey; place on face or on other area of dry skin.

2. Leave on twenty minutes; remove.

3. Wash face thoroughly.

4. If you do this everyday before bed, you should have enough whey to last ten days or so.

 

So there you have it. One gallon of milk: $4.00. A quart of tzatziki; a quart of Greek yogurt parfait; labneh for eight; a healthier, more-delicious cream cheese substitute substitute; a cheesecake; soup stock for one hearty bowl; ricotta cheese for a small lasagna or a few cannoli; ten days or so worth of skin care; a smaller carbon footprint; major reduction in risk factors for early cardiovascular death with very little trade off in terms of food satisfaction; the satisfaction that comes with rejecting lazy consumerism, choosing self-sufficiency, and successfully working through a challenging procedure: priceless.