Pittsburgh
I wish I’d been in Pittsburgh a week earlier, when the G20 was convening. Then I could have joined in the protests. And since the protesters seemed to be protesting about just about everything, I could have fit in fairly nicely – even though my own gripe would have been slightly more off-topic. The focus of my ire would have been the city planners, or the monkeys who pose as city planners, or the bastards who decided to not hire city planners to begin with.
You see, for all its lovely green hills and quirky hillside houses – for all its bridges, and its many grand vistas – Pittsburgh is by far the most poorly scrapped together city in the lower 48 states. Never in my life have I been more confused. Two wrong turns, and you find yourself not so much lost as totally incapable of making your way back to where you need to go. It’s not that you become disoriented. There is simply no decipherable route back. One might think a city would have signs pointing you to the proper exit or to the correct road to get back to the freeway, but this is not the case in Pittsburgh, which seems to delight in its directional miserliness. Nor can you quite tell which bridge is which, or which should be crossed to get where. That is, of course, if you can reach the bridge to begin with.
Of course all the natural chaos of the one-ways and inscrutable exits pale in comparison to the mind-bending detours the road construction has woven about the city, wrapping one maze within another. Indeed, by the time I returned to my hotel near the airport I wished I’d never left to begin with, however much I liked the city itself. (Had I been fortunate enough to have taken a cab, or had I been able to hoof it I’m sure it would have been very nice….) I’ve never been lost in a city before, but Pittsburgh has beat me.
And beat me good.
Of course, I always feel a bit like this when I travel….
In Pittsburgh’s defense, a great deal of the trouble you had getting around there stem from the geography. Make a wrong turn in DC, and you need to turn around. make a wrong turn in Pittsburgh, and you just crossed two rivers and a mountain range. Maybe a tunnel, too.
At any rate, I hope beyond hope that you did not spend too much time in “downtown” Pittsburgh. The action is all in the neighborhoods.Report
Oh certainly – the rivers and mountains don’t help, to be sure, though some work on road-signs could do wonders.
I honestly had one short afternoon there, and much of it I spent driving. The rest I spent walking around Station Square. I just didn’t have time to see the neighborhoods much, sadly.Report
You’ve clearly never driven in Atlanta, the roads are such a mess one would almost have to intentionally lay them out this badly.Report
No I never have. So it’s between Atlanta and Pittsburgh, eh? Any others?Report
Miami. Dear God, Miami.Report
To the point that despite living only about 60 miles away for most of my life, we almost never drove there unless we had a really damn good reason.Report
Haven’t spent much time in Boston, I take it?Report
I’m a West Coaster.Report
Only place I’ve ever been with worse construction than south Florida.Report
I hear you. I went to college in eastern Ohio, and occasionally I’d make a trip with friends out to Pittsburgh to visit a philosophy-rich used bookstore or hear a symphony. I always, always felt tremendously grateful when someone else volunteered to drive, especially as our trips often kept us in the labyrinth well into the dark of night.Report
I could show you some doozies of road planning in Charlotte — especially an intersection where two roads bounce off each other instead of crossing, so that you’ve got to turn right or left if you want to stay on the road you’re on. But our construction problem isn’t so bad now and we don’t have the river/mountain problem. So I don’t think my town beats your experience.
But the thing that happened with Charlotte is that there was a long period where roads got established before the population boomed in the twentieth century, so they kept expanding the roads that were here and winding weirdly through the farmland-becoming-suburbs, rather than making a giant grid like Denver or Seattle has.Report
Station Square? Please, next time ask for suggestions. Visiting Pittsburgh and spending time in Station Square is like going to New York and eating at Red Lobster.
To be fair, I love me some Red Lobster. And I love the spot right outside of Times Square which features that restaurant right across the street from a Hooters. Hilarious. And sad!
Still… no Station Square.Report
I did ask for suggestions. I was told to visit Station Square. I was pleased with the view of the city, but the area itself was – mmmm – generic. So, yeah, I’m sure I could have done better, but I was limited to a few hours anyways. C’est la vie.Report
E.D.,
Being a resident of the rusty hills of eastern Ohio, not forty miles from beautiful Picksburg I hesitantly must agree with your critique of the city and after due consideration offer these as reasons:
1. Democrats have run Picksburg for over sixty years! (That’s all the reason I need to explain why Picksburgh’s f*cked up, but I’ll go on).
2. Among the myriad of racial and ethnic groups in this area there are three distinct groups of hillwilliams that represent the majority:
A. West Virginians. Though the most verbally abused West Virginians are not only the hardest working, they tend to long lasting marriages and have a higher attendance rating at church. Also, their I.Q.’s are .546% higher than the following two groups of hillwilliams. In the work environment West Virginians will usually be in the “white collar” workforce.
B. Ohioians. These hillwilliams are found in the deep valley of the Ohio River living in such places as “Jethro Holler, California Holler, and Tilley’s Bottom.” “Goin’ to Picksburg’ meant goin’ “up” river to get drunk, or layed, or both. Their ancestors were the first to cross that beautiful river, back in the 1770’s, and consequently were the first to be used and abused by the Five Nations of the Ohio (one wonders how the Nations lost). The Ohioan tend to drink large quantities of adult beverages, indiscriminately gage in coital activity, and volunteer for military service in order to legally kill things.
C. Pennsyltuckians. These are the creme del la creme of the sundry hillwilliam clans, generally described as an ethnic group with little or no observable talent, inclined toward stubbornness, their career goals are achieved when they find themselves on the dole, collecting a monthly Social Security check, usually by age thirty-five. By nature they tend to be morose and violent. They too breed indiscriminately and they have been know to eagerly cross specie lines. Hobby wise, the adult Pennsyltuckian engages in dog/chicken breeding/fighting and wife beating. They rarely attend church, mock Italians, Blacks, and Slovacs that do, and often believe in flying saucers and Devil worship. Also, they vote Democrat 98% of the time. “Dem democrat’s gives us things,” is a familiar refrain.
These people tend to be elected as mayor of Picksburg, Western Pennsyltucky Congressmen, and Governor of Pennsyltucky. Should they fail in politics they inevitably wind up in the state or county bureaucracy or the police force.Report
Oh, one other thing. All three hillwilliams groups as well as all racial and ethnic peoples in this region root for the “STILLERS!” So, we can overlook everyone’s little faults!Report