Walking Dead Recap: Live Bait

by North

What the Governor did last Summer

Well, a lot of people (not me) were wondering what happened to the Governor and now the show grants their (not my) wishes in painful detail. Hooray. What follows are my own ramblings in no particular order.

Frankly my only question regarding the Governor at the end of last season was “aren’t you supposed to be dead?” So you can imagine my dismay at his starring on his own little walking dead spinoff episode. No, I do not want to see the Governor shamble around to his own musical number. No, I don’t want the Governor to befriend his own little tow headed moppet. No, I do NOT want to see yet more Governor nookie. What the fish is it with this show and the Governor? Do the producers have some strange fetish for David Morrissey? Seriously, I think the show has spent more time on the romantic exploits of this villain than any other member of the cast. Ugh!

In the most realistic moment of the show we get to see the Governor wake up to discover that his minions have abandoned him. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Perhaps they were afraid that he’d turn on them like he had the Woodbury Militia. Maybe they were just sick of his new catatonic state. Maybe they didn’t think he was worth the bullet of shooting in the head. I’d have fronted them a bullet *sigh*.

We now know for certain why Woodbury wasn’t even considered by the prison gang. It seems the Gov busted open the gates and burned the entire place down. It wouldn’t take much fire and gate bursting to render Woodbury uninhabitable so thanks for that Governor.

I don’t know what the musical number was, I didn’t like it and I didn’t listen closely. Hershel is entitled to musical numbers; the Governor is not. Now we get to watch the Governor shamble around like a catatonic nutcase. Now we get to watch the Governor grow a skeezy beard. Now we get to watch him get snubbed by walkers which definitively establishes that even the walking dead have standards; even the zombies don’t want him. Good times.

Oh and now let’s watch the Governor mumble like a hobo (apologies to hobos, I’m sure the homeless don’t want this maroon either) and lie about his name to a family who’s been holed up in an apartment for over two years now. I think burning down your fief counts as a disqualifying official act of abdication so the Governor is hereafter referred to by his new fake name of Brian. Brian lies to the family but that’s okay since they merrily lie right back. If Tara is a cop packing a ton of firepower then I’m Sarah Palin. Also Tara, hun, here’s a protip; I don’t think cops fist bump.

Watch Brian perform a series of good deeds, retrieving board games and oxygen tanks. I would note that considering that her family is seriously concerned about her not talking at all Megan is awfully chatty with Brian. Watch Brian bond with mentally scarred preteens. Watch the budding shoots of romantic attraction between Brian and the long isolated Lily. Watch North choke to death on his own vomit while screaming “no girl, he’s no good for you!!” Ultimately after watching Brian bash their recently deceased father’s head in with an oxygen tank the women decide he’s a good role model for Megan and leave their apartment fortress for greener pastures with him thus establishing that women in TWD world have lower standards than walkers when it comes to men. Watch Andrea’s ghost give North the stink eye.

As one can expect from a posse of people who’ve spent two years holed up in an apartment the ladies aren’t very good on the road. Tara manages to sprain her ankle on nothing at all with exquisite timing as they discover a horde of walkers looking for live bait. Watch Brian’s group obligingly fill that role for them. Watch Brian and Megan fall in a hole. Watch Brian single handedly fill out the episodes quota of zombie violence porn. Watch Brian’s former minion show up at the edge of the hole and be astonished. Note that said minion does not shoot Brian in the head, still not worth a bullet I guess.

I hope some of you enjoyed this episode more than I did.