Captain Justice

by · October 31, 2013

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Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Pursuer of happiness. Bon vivant. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Editor-in-Chief Emeritus of Ordinary Times. Relapsed Lawyer, admitted to practice law (under his real name) in California and Oregon. There's a Twitter account at @burtlikko, but not used for posting on the general feed anymore. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.

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14 Responses

  1. J@m3z Aitch says:
    October 31, 2013 at 6:52 am

    I like it. The agents of the government sometimes assume they are entitled to a certain deference unbecoming to a democratic polity, and a good mocking smackdown is perhaps the most effective way to pierce their protective layer of self-seriousness.

    Of course the practical question is how the judge sees it. Hopefully Captain Justice, Guardian of the Realm, knows the judge well enough to be sure this an effective style.Report

  2. Damon says:
    October 31, 2013 at 7:14 am

    I loved it. This is why I’d want to be a lawyer, to write motions like this.

    Any chance the “prosecution” could be changed to “Porcine tax feeding dolts”?Report

  3. Rod says:
    October 31, 2013 at 7:24 am

    I loved it as well. Though it has the feel of a drunk email one should have re-thought prior to hitting the send button.

    I can just imagine the guy sitting there with half a bottle of Scotch on his desk, getting more and more revved up as he types. Probably imagining himself as the lawyer in BB.Report

  4. Chris says:
    October 31, 2013 at 8:29 am

    That is pretty awesome.

    I grew up in Franklin, and like a lot of people who lived there before it was “a well-developed, affluent suburb of Nashville,” we still tend to think of it as a small town, even if it’s not anymore. It may have ~60,000 residents now, and be the county seat of the 19th wealthiest county in the country, but not so long ago it was much smaller and much less affluent. I wouldn’t be surprised if the person who called it a small town was from there, and just hasn’t been able to wrap his or her head around the rapid growth and change in wealth distribution.Report

    • Burt Likko in reply to Chris says:
      October 31, 2013 at 12:32 pm

      Yeah, that would be consistent of my experiences with a certain category of Tennesseans. These folks would, in all sincerity and with a genuine desire to help you navigate, give you directions to the place you were looking for in Knoxville as “It’s right there on Kingston Pike, just near where the Barnes house used to be.”Report

      • Marchmaine in reply to Burt Likko says:
        October 31, 2013 at 12:41 pm

        You can follow me there… just turn right about a mile and a half before I do.Report

      • Chris in reply to Burt Likko says:
        October 31, 2013 at 12:52 pm

        The first time my girlfriend visited Tennessee, she asked a guy at a gas station for directions. The place she was going was no more than a mile from where she was, but he spent several minutes “giving her directions,” because giving directions is more storytelling than describing how to get from point A to point B. When he was done, she still had no idea how the hell to get there, and had to ask someone else. Until then she hadn’t understood that everything is an opportunity to tell a story for people from Tennessee; she just thought I was weird like that.

        She brings that up every time somebody asks me for directions. “Oh no, you don’t want to ask him for directions, he’s from Tennessee.”Report

    • Michael Cain in reply to Chris says:
      October 31, 2013 at 1:12 pm

      The same thing happens on somewhat bigger scales. When I worked for the Colorado legislature’s Joint Budget Committee, rural legislators would sometimes come to see me about some JBC bill bringing the state’s budget mechanisms into compliance with one or more federal laws. At some point, they would complain, “Colorado is a small-population poor rural state dependent on agriculture; why can’t the feds see that?” I never did figure out a polite way to say, “Well, Senator, probably because they see that the 120-mile-long 30-mile-wide strip along the Front Range has transformed Colorado into a medium-population well-to-do urban/suburban state dependent on software, satellites, and other high-tech goodies.”

      My current perception of the state Republican Party is that they are in the process of shooting themselves in the foot by adopting a “rural vision” for what Colorado should be as a litmus test for state-wide candidates.Report

  5. Ravi Deshmukh says:
    October 31, 2013 at 8:29 am

    I love following your articles It truly helps me get through the afternoon.Report

  6. Griff says:
    October 31, 2013 at 9:11 am

    When you’re a defense lawyer named Drew Justice, you just have to go with it.

    In terms of whether this is actually a good strategic approach, I’m actually not sure that it isn’t. His First Amendment argument is a loser (Gentile, the case he cites, is about out-of-court speech). So if he’s worried that he’s in front of a judge who might grant this kind of motion, this response might be a good reminder that the parties don’t get to dictate what their opponents say in order to make themselves look better in front of the jury, and that it’s the defense who is actually at a disadvantage in every criminal prosecution in almost every way, including how prejudicial its “social position” is.Report

  7. Cascadian says:
    October 31, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    That’s hilarious. I’m sure it will be a hit at the better half’s office this morning.Report

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