Stupid Tuesday questions, Waffle House edition
In the High and Far-Off Times your Blogger, O Beloved Readers, was a child.
Lo those many seasons ago, the choices for road-trip entertainment were not as they are today. In the days of the Apple II, the iPad was a rumor of a whisper of a gleam in an afrit’s eye. The Walkman that auto-reversed (thus sparing users the tedium of flipping over the cassette tape) was a marvel. Choose Your Own Adventure books were much prized, though your humble Blogger was an inveterate cheater at them. (“Yes, book. Yes, I did pick up a magic ring in the forest and will thus turn to page 47.”)
It was a different age.
In those days, when a family was confined in a small mobile space for days on end, maintaining a delicate balance regarding listening choices was of paramount importance. A strict rotation was enforced, from Father’s to Mother’s to your Blogger’s to Blogger’s Brother’s and back. This led to a rather eclectic playlist, ranging from bagpipes and the 5th Dimension (Father’s) to Weird Al (Brother’s). Mother’s usual choice (“Could we just have some peace and quiet for once?”) is not quite so memorable.
It is because of this system that I, perhaps unique among my peers, can sing by heart Peter, Paul and Mary’s song “I Dig Rock and Roll Music.” (A “Best Of” collection of P, P and M hits was another of Father’s usual selections.) The other day I happened to be noodling on the Web, and I decided to look up “Too Much of Nothing” (another song on the album). (I was curious to see if the references to “Valerie” and “Marion” in the chorus meant anything. I still don’t have a clue, but I find the chorus haunting anyway.) And for some reason I looked up “I Dig Rock and Roll Music,” too.
O Beloved Readers, I was much astonished by what I learned. Humming along and learning the lyrics as a boy, I had no idea that the song is actually making fun of rock and roll music, as well as such bands as The Mamas and the Papas, and The Beatles. The whole song is ironic, and I didn’t know it until just the other day. (It does explain lyrics like “They’ve got a good thing going when the words don’t get in the way.”)
Imagine my surprise. It turns out Peter, Paul and Mary really didn’t dig rock and roll music. It actually makes me enjoy the song less, since it’s apparently kind of snarky in the proper light, and I happen to like both The Mamas and the Papas and The Beatles a great deal. It’s catchy and well-written, but now it seems mean, too. (I’m sure Paul McCartney is still weeping himself to sleep atop gigantic piles of cash.)
So that’s this week’s Question — what did you, long after you first heard or read or watched it, learn something about that changed your impression of it entirely? What, with experience, is not as it appeared to you in relative innocence? What do you like more or less now that you know more about it?
There is an episode of “Roseanne” where DJ discovers masturbating. Only they never quite say that. They talk about how much time he spends in the bathroom, always with a big guffaw from the audience. When I first saw this episode (Wiki tells me it came out when I was 10, still a relatively innocent time for me), I didn’t really get it. I thought they were making poop jokes. Which was still funny to me! “Heh… the kid won’t stop pooping.”
A few years later I caught that same episode on reruns. Initially, I was 10-years-old again… “Heh… the kid won’t stop poo-… WAIT A MINUTE!!! HE’S JERKING OFF!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Earlier that same year, I was in 4th grade (I remember specifically because I was still in Catholic school) and I caught an episode of “Blossom”. In it, Joey was dating a pregnant girl. This did not compute in my little, innocent, Catholicism-filled 9-year-old brain. “How could she be pregnant? They’re not married. God doesn’t put the baby in you unless you’re married.” Now, I wasn’t a total waste. I knew sex was a thing. I knew it had something to do with pregnancy. But I still thought there was some magically religious mechanism whereby one physically couldn’t get pregnant until they were married. So this episode with the teenage pregnant girl who wasn’t married to anyone really bothered me.
A few days later… I’ll never forget the moment… my mom and I were driving in the car. I said, “Mom… I was watching TV the other day. There was a girl on the show and she was pregnant. But she wasn’t married. How is that possible???” Once my mom stifled her laughter (she won “Mom of the Year” the following spring) she explained that one COULD get pregnant before marriage but they weren’t supposed to.
I never watched “Blossom” again.Report
I find it very offensive that you credit some white kid with “discovering” masturbation when the Native Americans had been doing it for thousands of years.Report
As with everything else, the Chinese will claim to have invented it before even that.Report
Pavel Chekov says the Russians were wanking on their wessels long before anyone else.
https://ordinary-times.com/?attachment_id=61113
Report
As yooshul, the Rooskies beat us to it. Tossyorkockov seems to have written a monograph on it.Report
I should note that my son already seems well ahead of me in this regard. He has perfected grabbing just the shaft of his little baby penis and holding it proudly out for display.Report
Nonsense. Alexander Doubleday invented masturbation in Cooperstown New York, and it spread throughout the country after he taught it to his men during the Civil War.Report
The British also put in a claim, saying Doubleday was merely adapting ancient onanistic practices first perfected at Eton, Harrow and other public schools, dumbing them down for use in the Colonies.Report
Hence, all those original team names – the Giants, the White Sox, the Athletics, and most famously, the Yankees.Report
The difference between a Yankee and a Quickie —Report
Kinda took the bloom off the rose for you, it seems.Report
“I was in 4th grade (I remember specifically because I was still in Catholic school) and I caught an episode of “Blossom”.”
I believe what you meant to say is that you caught a very special episode of Blossom.Report
And I was a very special boy.Report
There’s one really huge category for me, and it’s not easy to write about. Or even to conceptualize.
In my inner life, it stands out like you wouldn’t believe. But if I try to express it, the whole thing sounds trivial. Or maybe sort of autistic. Here goes:
As a young person, I didn’t readily connect expressions of heterosexual love to the desire for heterosexual sex.
Love songs? Not about sex. Love poetry? Also not about sex. Marriage and dating? Not at all about sex! Not even a little!
Why not? A combination of two things — first, I had a very conservative upbringing; and second, I was and remain 100% gay, a Kinsey 6, with zero sexual interest in women.
The result here was that I grew up thinking that sexual feelings could just be actuated, or dismissed, as easily as one might choose to sing or to hop on one foot. That I didn’t know how to feel that way was only an indication that I wasn’t old enough yet. When the day arrived, I would be able to (I hoped), and in that event, all would be completely subject to control.
Not subject, in other words, to the compulsive dominion of love. Sex was a capacity, not a desire, and expressions of love weren’t pointing in that direction at all. Love was pure, platonic, and non-carnal. Irresistible, of course: The songs said so. But that it might lead to sex? No. Not at all.
And yet there were all these inexplicable things happening in my dreams and my unbidden thoughts. But they were not about love, because love was a pure thing, and a mental, spiritual, non-carnal thing between a man and a woman.
Hard to explain. I’m not sure I’ve succeeded.Report
This is fascinating, Jason.
Because for women, it’s sort of this weird thing of you’re supposed be sexy, but it’s like really, really bad if you act on that. And music mostly reflects that, too; Good girls don’t, it’s about the romance. Damned shy on the thrill of a good romp; like women don’t get off or something. Perhaps that a shade of what getting at?
I do think it’s changing, slowly; but the prudish claws are dug in pretty deep.Report
I had a very liberal and secular childhood so sometimes I find stories from people with very conservative childhoods to be fascinating in a kind of alien anthropologist way.
My parents thought that Dungeons and Dragons encouraged imagination and creativity so it is odd when I meet people whose parents thought it encouraged evil devil worship.Report
A certain best friend and co-blogger (who has FINALLY blessed us all with a new post) still finds it staggering that I was raised to believe that such things were, literally, the work of Satan. Also how much of my adolescence was filled with the message “For the LOVE OF GOD (literally), don’t have sex!!!!”Report
Also, the first time I read Kipling I didn’t realize that he was funny.Report
Kipling is very, very funny.Report
I read Waugh’s Sword of Honour trilogy in high school, along with the rest of his stuff, and I loved it because it’s funny and snarky and sarcastic, like all his best books. It wasn’t until I reread it many years later than I realized that its main point is that fighting WWII was a bad idea, because the only ones who gained from it were the Communists and the homosexuals (not that they were, overall, different people.) Yecccch.Report
One just happened. Went out to go to my knitting circle, a sacred Tuesday afternoon thing, it’s my meeting time with my professional peers.
My care turned over, the engine engages, and then turns itself off. “Immobilization active” warning message.
This is the antitheft system; happens with all keys, so it’s not the key, it’s the RFID reader in the ignition column. Waiting for a tow truck now.
Apparently this is a potential flaw with all newer (approx. 2000 and later) cars, further back for luxury cars, more recent for economy.
Modern antitheft systems are not good when they can randomly stop functioning, not be reset, and leave a woman stranded. And require expensive towing for a simple electronic problem that has nothing to do with the cars actual road function. Just saying.
I think I’d like a late 1990’s Passat right about now.Report
What did you, long after you first heard or read or watched it, learn something about that changed your impression of it entirely? What, with experience, is not as it appeared to you in relative innocence? What do you like more or less now that you know more about it?
I’ve gained a greater comprehension – if not necessarily enjoyment – of Shakespeare’s comedies since being corrupted by the Internet: I can now recognize some of the dirty jokes that were just incomprehensible Elizabethan english to me in high school.Report
Part of it could be that the jokes are lost when done in Received Pronunciation:
This is fascinating to watch if you have around 11 minutes to spare:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPlpphT7n9sReport
This reminds me of a list I want to compile someday: Phrases You Read Repeatedly Over Time Without Realizing They Were Puns, Until You Happened to Say Them Out Loud Once.
This list would include the great Pretenders live acoustic album they do with a string quarter, Isle of View, and the drink on the menu of my local neighborhood Mexican restaurant, the Tequila Mockingbird.Report
I’ve seen that pun many, many times.Report
We talked about Isle of View before. I felt like such an idiot the day I finally said it aloud and it clicked.Report
I did that with Perry Farrel, even pronouncing his name out loud frequently, but not noticing it until someone pointed it out.Report
Because it doesn’t sound anything like the word it’s supposed to pun on?Report
God, one of my high school english teachers loved to read Romeo and Juliet to the class.
I think I was the only one laughing at all the horrid puns. (yes, my sense of humor was that bad, still is!).Report
“Harrison Bergeron”, the short story by Kurt Vonnegut, is actually a parody of the dystopian schi-fi most people think it’s an example of. Based on the timing, I suspect it’s meant to be a parody of atlas shrugged.
The point of the story isn’t “These are the horrors we might unleash in our pursuit of equality”. It’s that those who imagine such horrors are being ridiculous. The mid-century equivalent of Stephen Colbert claiming that if two men can marry, next thing you know we’ll have cats marrying dogs.
We read that story two or three times in high school English class, but it was only in college that I was clued into what the story was actually about.Report
I don’t think most people get this.Report
I think I was in my twenties before I realized that Belloq knowing Indiana Jones at school meant that Belloq knew Marian, and thus his whole “there is nothing you cannot possess that I can not take away” thing applies to Marian as well, which explains a lot, later in the film.
It also really changed the dialogue between the two characters when they’re in the tent and she’s drinking him under the table. It just didn’t occur to me the first ten or fifteen times that I saw the movie that her casual familiarity with Belloq was because she knew the guy. It makes her whole approach to the scene different; it’s not an utterly improvised escape attempt, she knows him probably about as well as she knew Indy and she’s working him the whole time.
The whole thing was just like, “DUH, you dumbass, you never realized that before?!??!”Report
The song that stands out for me is Norwegian Wood.
I listened to it all through my childhood. At that tender age I knew nothing of sexual frustration (let alone arson), so I always thought of it as a nice, sappy but lovable love song. That way of hearing the song was so ingrained in me that even when I would sing it out loud an an adult, the actual meaning of the song never hit me. I think I actually had to read someone talking about the meaning of the song in an essay (Klosterman? Eggers?) before the penny dropped.
It seems weird, but I like the song much more now than I did before. There are countless mushy love songs in the world when I need them, but there’s only one that I’m aware of about a guy who torches a girl’s flat because she wouldn’t sleep with him.
I’ll also add this one, because it just happened the other day as I was re-discovering Paul Simon: Mother & Child Reunion, another childhood fave which I had always thought of as a happy song about a mother and child being re-uninted. I totally just got that it’s a song about the feeling of hopelessness a guy feels when he loses custody of his kid.Report
“At that tender age I knew nothing of sexual frustration (let alone arson)”
I will believe one of these things 🙂Report
I am smart enough not to ask which.Report
Mother and Child Reunion is about a Philadelphia breakfast concoction of chicken and eggs.Report
Space. Awesome.Report
ANd now I just went to Wikipedia, which says the song is about a dog passing away.
Huh.Report
This from Snopes
My hearing of the story was a bit different than the Snopes version.Report
I don’t really know what we’re talking about, but there is a sandwich place in Boston that has something called the Mother and Child Reunion and involves chicken and eggs.
http://moogys.comReport
M&CR is about death, I thought. Though that’s a safe bet for almost any Paul Simon song.Report
Speaking of Paul Simon, I read a Truman Capote comment effectively saying that Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard was a great song of a young man’s first homosexual experience. I refuse to believe it. It’s about vandalism or something.Report
Vandalism or death.Report
Death!
No, wait, vandalism!
Crap, I always choke under pressure!Report
I’ll take the “or”!Report
Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke.
(good thing I’m dyslexic and watched lots of pirate movies.)Report
Simon says that he has no idea what the Mama saw. (Does Capote think that Rosie is called “the Queen” because she’s a man?)Report
He did admit that it was something sexual, tho.
I just re-read Capote’s remarks about it, and basically he’s doing a bit of psychoanalysis on the song-writer given the content of the lyrics. Mama is Julio’s mom and she saw the two boys doing their thing, disapproved, and her and Papa threatened Paul to keep him away from their son.Report
“Norwegian Wood” is another really good one. (In fact, I’ve thought about using it as the basis for a similar STQ.) I remember the moment it dawned on me… “wait, when he sings ‘Isn’t it good, Norwegian wood’ at the end of the song, he means he’s burning her stuff.”
The lovely little tune totally belies the really creepy subject matter.Report
Lola.
And we’ll all fall in love and I’ll fall in love with Lola.Report
I know what I am and I’m glad I’m a man and so’s Lola….Report
It took me a while to figure out that Blister in the Sun and Dancing with Myself were about Masturbation.Report
I’m pretty sure “Blister in the Sun” isn’t about masturbation. Gano swears up and down that it isn’t.
I saw them live in the mid-90s, and the show lasted like 4 hours, with them playing pretty much every song they’d ever recorded. By the end, I felt like I wouldn’t need to hear a Violent Femmes song again for a few years.Report
The Femmes are great live band. Gano can say its not about masturbation, but at this point the association is to strong to change. Sorry Gordo.Report
The best song ever about that is Pictures of Lily. Though Mary Anne with the Shaky Hands isn’t bad either.Report
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlnJdlQGbI4Report
I’d go with Orgasm Addict by the Buzzcocks. Much more subtle and nuanced.Report
@greginak
Did your mom want to know about the stains on your jeans?Report
ND- I like to think i was just discrete enough to avoid putting my mom through a mutually embarrassing conversation. However my mom was very tolerant and indulgent of me so………..Report
I believe that the entire Elvis Costello album This Year’s Model can easily be interpreted as being about masturbation. But I don’t think it was meant to.Report
Does the irony of Life During Wartime being to a disco beat count?Report
Regarding Peter, Paul, and Mary, my mom had this group of hippie friends when I was young. One of the couples were Peter and Paula. While visiting a different hippy couple in the Berksheres, who were also friends with Peter and Paula, we went to go see a show at a local music venue, Tanglewood. I remember hearing that we’d be seeing Peter, Paula, and Mary. “Cool! Pete is always such a nice guy. But who’s Mary? And where are they? And why are they singing about a dragon?”Report
Today’s news reminded me of an actual answer to the original question (and one that doesn’t involve masturbation)
Reading The Hunt For Red October as a teenager, then reading it again after receiving your fish, results in very different opinions of its verisimilitude.Report
Whether you’re reading a Tom Clancy novel or masturbating to internet porn, you’re interacting with the same number of believable characters.Report
Meh.
RIP, Mr. Clancy.Report
Chronicles of Narnia. In retrospect, I should have gotten this at around book 7 (I hadn’t read the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and figured it would be boring since I already knew the ending).
… I didn’t realize this was a Christian story.
Also, I read Animal Farm, and took it as a sci-fi novel about what America was going to become [to be fair, I was still in elementary school]. It really disturbed me.Report
This isn’t quite the same, since I don’t think the creator’s intended these interpretations. But they’re pretty good.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Was All in Cameron’s Head
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article/18367_6-insane-fan-theories-that-actually-make-great-movies-better/#ixzz2ga88Z9JfReport