Russ did a good job of explaining why Michael Sam, a defensive lineman and NFL prospect, came out of the closet. But I want to share how this event is important to another part of society that we rarely talk about or acknowledge: gay African American males.
Being said black gay male, I can tell you that the coming out process is a tad bit more complicated. African American views on homosexuality are changing, but it still isn’t easy for young African American males. Religion, which is such a mainstay in our culture is the source of what can keep us grounded and what causes us pain. I’ve sat through sermons where pastors condemned homosexuality from the pulpit. Then there is the machismo culture that cautions all males to not be “weak.” I think that’s why so many African American gay males live life on the “downlow” keeping their sexuality hidden.
Growing up in the 1970s and 80s, I endured a lot of taunting from other kids who saw my quiet nature as a sign that I wasn’t normal. I was called “fag” or “faggot” on more than one occasion. As I started to come out as a young adult in the 90s, I was glad that there were books and people who were able to help me come to terms with myself. That said, I did wonder if there was anyone like me. I started making friends with other gay men who were white and while it was nice to be with other gay men, I didn’t see many other black gay men.
The reason that Michael Sam matters is that he tells some young back kid in Texas or Michigan or New Jersey that being gay doesn’t mean you can’t like football. They can see a very public figure who is gay and looks like them. They will see that being gay is not about being “weak.” And when they see Michael being embraced by his colleagues on the Missouri football team, that black gay kid knows that there will be people who love and care for him.
I made it through the taunts okay. I even ended up becoming a pastor, hopefully to show that one can be devoted to God and also be gay. But there are some kids of color who are in the closet, living in fear. Maybe seeing a young man like Michael Sam come out will give them the courage to know that it really does get better.
Godspeed, Michael.
What a nice post, Dennis. Thanks for sharing it.Report
Beautiful post….Report
Well said.Report
Great piece, Dennis. Thank you for sharing.
I’m curious if you have any thoughts on the fact that the only two athletes from major American team sports to come out were both black. Obviously, it is a very small sample size, but I thought about that yesterday. I think many people expected this ground to be broken by a white person, yet we’ve now seen two black athletes (Jason Collins being the first) while still pursuing athletic careers.Report
Two male athletes. Several female athletes are openly gay.Report
You’re right. Thank you for correcting.Report
The path for women athletes was blazed much earlier, IIRC, with figures like Billie Jean King (my goodness, was it the Seventies when the public learned of her?). So young women in sports have had role models for much longer than the young men.Report
re: BJK – It was the 80’s and it wasn’t on her own terms nor pleasant (per King herself)Report
Though if wikipedia is to be believed, around the same time, Navratilova came out on her own terms in an interview with Skip Bayless(!)Report
I would also imagine that the expectations female athletes face are different, if not almost opposite, than those that male athletes face. A common stereotype is that female athletes are lesbian. The inverse is true for males. All of that is bad and messy but it does mean the paths they are likely to take will be different.Report
I can’t imagine Navratilova’s was pleasant. Primarily because Skip Bayless was present.Report
Right. I don’t think you can compare sex-or-gender-non-conforming AFAB athletes with sex-or-gender-non-conforming AMAB folks.
Look, this is a tricky topic, since masculine-presenting AFAB people get all kinds of grief. And their gender is violently policed. (“Corrective” rape is a thing.) However, I see a vast difference between how they are treated and how feminine-presenting AMAB people are treated. For instance, the murder rates tell a very clear story. It’s a horrifying story, but it is hard to come away confused.
This is a very old conversation with much bad feeling and distrust on both sides. I think we are allies, but walking very different paths.Report
What would make it easier to say “I’m not attracted to men” than being interviewed by Skip Bayless?Report
@kazzy
You were right the first time. Women don’t play “major American team sports”.
It is also worth noting that Jason Collins has yet to appear in a game as an openly-gay athlete, so Sam will be the first.Report
Thanks, Dennis. When I read the earlier posts I had wondered about this aspect of it., so I appreciate your willingness to answer my unasked question.Report
Ya know, a forward thinking company might want to bring back “Being like Mike.” Showcase his remarkable talent and the work ethic that helped him achieve it, mental strength, character, and courage. You’ll get some haters (what else is new?) but, damn, what a powerful message that would be.Report
It’s always easier for me to know what to say when I disagree with something. I’ve been trying to think of something profound to say in response, Dennis.
This is wonderful. Thank you for writing it and posting it.Report
Well said.Report
Beautiful piece, Dennis.Report
Nice, Dennis. That Sam is a role model, and a role mode with tremendous courage matters a lot.
Then there is the machismo culture that cautions all males to not be “weak.” I think that’s why so many African American gay males live life on the “downlow” keeping their sexuality hidden.
I think this also goes to Ta-Nehisi Coates point I quoted yesterday, too, in expressing the fear that someone gay in the locker room might be willing to visit the sexual violence on men that men can imagine to visiting on women they’re sexually attracted to.
Which makes me question the role of incarceration and the troubling horror of prison rape. I wonder if this plays into the homophobia, as well.Report
So glad he came out! Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Dennis.Report
A “gay African American male” was in the news in New Jersey two years ago.
Bruce Harris, who is the mayor of the borough of Chatham, New Jersey, was nominated by Governor Christie to the New Jersey Supreme Court in January 2012.
His nomination was rejected by the NJ Senate Judiciary Committee 7-6 in May 2012.
It is worth noting that this was largely a party-line vote. The 5 Republicans all voted yes, the 8 Democrats voted no 7-1.Report
Of course, it’s also worth noting that A) Mr. Harris is a lifelong Republican, B) had zero courtroom experience prior to his nomination, and C) the ideological balance of the court was at stake. But then I suppose that would detract from your implication that liberals are the *real* homophobes, so I can see why you left that part out.Report
I never used the word “homophobe” but it seems to me, as a Democrat, that the party only supports members of disadvantaged groups who toe the party line.Report
Oh man, you all don’t realize the half of it.
See, the current Democratic party is now run by a secret alliance of catty trans women and frustrated mimes, who together are tired of gays getting all the attention. So it’s time to take them all down a peg.
Plus we’re gonna ruin the economy just for kicks.Report
THIS is why I was so glad when my friend Dennis joined the OT as a writer. Such a unique perspective from living a life that challenges a lot of cultural conventions. Thank you Dennis for this and pretty much everything you write here.
It’s odd that Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, two white guys, probably have the best song out there challenging the attitudes of black culture with ‘Same Love’. I know a lot of blacks who need to read posts like this and hear songs like that. The black community is definitely lagging behind a bit on this subject. It’s the old Republican lament that they have such a conservative culture and yet identify with a liberal party. Not sure I agree that the GOP is a better fit for them but on this issue they line up more than I wish they did.Report