6 Lies Your Child’s Teacher is Telling You

1.  When we say that little Johnny is doing well, it means we’re on the verge of recommending him for special services.  When we say that we are concerned about little Janie, it means we are so scared of her we avoid being within arm’s reach.  When we say that little Susie is making steady progress, it means we’re no longer finding poop in the sink.  When we say that little Malcom is doing great, it means we don’t want to talk to you and are just trying to end the conversation.

2.)  When people say, “I’d love to leave work at 3!” and we respond with, “Leave work at 3?  I’m doing prep work until 5 and then grading papers all night long!” we really mean, “I left at 3:15 because I gossiped with the secretary for 16 minutes.”

3.)  When we say that we do what we do because we love children, we really mean that we love collecting pay checks in the summer despite only entering school zones to buy drugs.

4.)  When we have in-service days, you can bet your ass we’re all sitting around, hung over, criticizing each other’s bulletin boards.

5.)  When you visit us to talk about your child and we say, “Let me just get his file out,” we’re really just buying time to try to remember who your kid is.

6.)  Without the teacher’s editions of our text books, we got nothing.  And, yes, that includes preschool teachers.  You mean you didn’t know there was an answer key for Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?