149 thoughts on “Mount Rushmore – Candy Edition”

  1. Sweet Tarts, pre-“Blue” Raspberry.

    You had the perfect pentad: Grape, Cherry, Orange, Lemon, Lime.

    Then, for some reason, they added a sixth (“we need blue in there”, I’m guessing was the thought process) and changed Lime (THE PERFECT TART FLAVOR) to “Sour Apple”.

    I hope that the guys in charge of making this decision left the meeting room having the same conversation as at the end of Easy Rider:

    Billy: We’ve done it. We’ve done it. We’re rich. Wyatt. [laughs] Yeah, man. [laughs] Yeah. Clearly, we did it, man we did it. We did it. Huh. We’re rich, man. We’re retired in Florida, now, mister. Whew.
    Wyatt: You know, Billy. We blew it.
    Billy: What? Huh? Wha-wha-wha- That’s what it’s all about, man. I mean, like you know – I mean, you go for the big money, man, and then you’re free. You dig? [Laughs]
    Wyatt: We blew it. Good night, man.

    Now that I think about it, nobody left that room but a bunch of goddamned Billys.Report

  2. The mini’s throw off the ratio. Ratios matter, people

    Absolutely, which is why the Reese’s Easter Eggs, which have perfected the chocolate-to-peanutbutter ratio, or one of humankind’s greatest inventions.Report

    1. I am not sure if I have had an egg in years, but I have had various other permutations (mini’s, Xmas-tree-shaped, etc.) and none have the perfect ratio of the original (the original’s scalloped edge also provides the perfect amount of bite resistance/crumble).Report

      1. To me, there are two parts of the year: Special Holiday Reese’s season (from late September through Easter, with pumpkins, trees, hearts, and eggs), and The Wasteland.

        I have to use The Wasteland to bring my cholesterol back down from the Special season.Report

      2. I hate to take sides, but Glyph is right on this. The peanut butter cup is just perfect. I had never considered the importance of the scalloped edge, but he is spot on in that regard.Report

      3. I actually prefer the snack-size cups because of the higher ratio of scalloped-ness. The full-size ones are a little too soft and peanutbuttery for me.Report

    2. I agree with Chris that the eggs are the best. I like the extra peanut butter. I will also say that now that they have dark chocolate resse cups I like them a lot more than the OG cups. Once you go dark…Report

  4. Chocolate isn’t candy. It’s a foodstuff. People eat pounds of chocolate at a time (okay, so some of these people wind up in the hospital). You’d feel ridiculous if you ate a pound of gummi bears, wouldn’t you?Report

    2. I left a pound of gummi bears in my car once. In Las Vegas. Warm-ish day. As bad as that turned out, I’m glad it wasn’t a pound of chocolate.Report

  5. Has anyone here had the dark chocolate peanut M&M’s? SO SO GOOD. ADDICTIVE LIKE CANDY CRACK. I don’t know why they even make the original milk chocolate variety anymore.Report

      1. I am here to represent the “Dutched Chocolate is bullshit” coalition.
        It’s Chocolate, it’s not supposed to be Vegetable Oil!
        Use real milk, not powdered milk!Report

      10. Jay,
        every country makes licorice differently, and often with different flavorings. Anise is a common one, for instance.

        And yes, people ate rhubarb dipped in sugar. Different tastebuds.

        (also, different ethnicities and phenotypes have different tastebuds. Cilantro is like catnip to me. Ditto dill and horseradish).Report

      1. Seriously dude. I was with you on the OG peanut variety. I didn’t think there could be a more perfect candy.

        I was wrong.

        They are not always in the store, I bought two big bags last time I saw them. I spent like ten bucks on M&M’s.Report

  6. I’m not saying I hate the OP’s choices – some of my favorites are on that list – but peanut/chocolate is overrepresented (as is soft candy) (and massed produced stuff). So:

    1) Turkish delight
    2) Salt-water taffy
    3) Butterscotch hard candy
    4) SnickersReport

    2. Salt water taffy freaking rocks.

      I’ll let the M&Ms slide because they are pretty good. Sour Patch kids are the best candy on earth, so great job there. I’m replacing peanut butter cups with Butterfinger. Nostalgia has a roll in the Butterfinger. Snickers? Eh, whatever.

      Dark chocolate has to be on the list. It just has to, you monster! Red Vines is the only licorice I’m willing to acknowledge exists. Jelly Belly jelly beans are the BEST, except for the buttered popcorn because it takes like ass. They really screwed up on that one.Report

  7. Way back when, Jolly Ranchers were the candy of choice amongst friends when…partaking of…certain things….that The Man doesn’t want you to have (and are very, very bad for you, children, don’t do them).

    Anyway, even unto this day, the smell of JR’s can trigger certain associations and physical sensations.

    See? Candy is a corrupting gateway drug.Report

  9. I realize I don’t remember the last time I even purchased candy (other then dark chocolate). I’ve developed an allergy to corn products, so it’s all pretty much outside what I consider edible now. But digging back into the days before, I’d come up with:

    M&Ms
    Twizzlers
    Tootsie Rolls
    Wild Cherry Life SaversReport

    2. Twizzlers and Tootsie Rolls were among those bandied about.

      A well-made salted caramel dark chocolate truffle is a remarkable delicacy, but I tend not to see that as “candy”.Report

      4. You just have to trump up the right charges.

        Yes, but until you’ve licked those twisted bastards the charges will never stick.Report

      1. Does it help that I can’t eat them any longer? Because not being liked by @miss-mary is like a day without sunshine. The twizzlers, which I cannot eat, are not worth it, I say.Report

  11. And the best candy bars ever made (pre-corn syrup, of course) is the Mounds Bar.

    Coconut perfection encased in dark chocolate perfection.Report

  12. Not in order of preference but as I think of them:

    Butterfinger
    Peanut butter cups
    York peppermint patties
    Mounds
    Snickers
    Cadbury Cream Eggs–Bok Bok biatches!

    OFC, I prefer very dark, high cacao, bar chocolate. Goes well with scotch.Report

  15. Reese’s Peanut cups. Chocolate covered pretzels, the perfect blend of sweet and salt. chocolate covered marzipan. lemon sucking candy.Report

  16. Gee thanks for the topic. i am trying to overcome my addiction to sweets. i figure that i eat about 4000 calories a month of candy. and all at work. where it seems like every admin asst has bowl of something screaming to be devoured. that’s the only time i really crave it. Been about 7 weeks. i figure all else equal every month i go without candy i lose about a pound of weight.

    that being said my favorites are
    dark chocolate, especially with a soft filling
    See’s peppermint. the kind where each is single wrapped.
    Jolly Ranchers – traditional flavors
    black licorice – the good stuffReport

  17. Chocolate is, as @kim says, different from candy, though I would argue it’s more a drug than a food. And the best kind is super-dark chocolate, the less sweetness the better, mixed with some flavoring or another, like chili powder, raspberry filling, peanut butter, etc.

    Candy, though: Nerds (so crunchy), Jolly Rancher (Yay, Lockjaw), Blow Pop (bonus gum), and Cherry Twizzler (fun to peel apart). Note that isn’t the Strawberry, straw-type Twizzler, which I don’t care for unless I’m using it as a straw. I’m talking about the hexagonal ropey stuff.Report

    1. @boegiboe
      Ginger. Dark chocolate and ginger by Chocolove. Mmm. Or Dark chocolate with sea salt and almonds by Moonstruck. Ok, anything by Moonstruck.

      If you love dark chocolate as much as I do, I will forgive you for the Nerds, Blow Pops, and Twizzlers. What are you three??? How does one person have the capacity to enjoy all of those and dark chocolate???Report

  18. That list is simply terrible, a slight — nay, a mockery of the real and true Mt. Rushmore of Candy, which as everyone knows features:

    1. Marzipan, because marzipan screams “mom only buys it on a special holiday.”

    2. Reese’s Minis, because if you get the regular size you eat it and you’re done. But if you buy a bag of minis, you do so because you only want a wee bit because dinner time’s in about an hour, but then you eat one, and you realize that one isn’t quite enough so you grab two more. And then that actually makes you peckish, so you grad a few more. Then you realize that you have a small foil ball going, but it’s not so big that you can’t actually throw it at things in any effective way, of you have to go get another handful to make the ball big enough to make into a cat toy. And then you realize that it’s almost dinner time and you’re not hungry anymore and you go to put the bad away, but now there’s just three minis left and you think to yourself how stupid it is to put a bag of three minis in the pantry, so you eat them. That’s some motherfisin’ Rushmore cred, that is.

    3. JellyBelly Sours, because why didn’t you have these here to begin with???!!!

    4. Truffles.

    Thank you in advance, everyone, for revising your lists.

    That is all.Report

    2. Jelly Belly Sours are indeed fantastic. Probably my second favorite candy. I should have made my criteria explicit. These aren’t necessarily the four tastiest — though they all are phenomenally tasty. Rather, I consider them to be the most important. Jelly Belly Sours… amazing, undoubtedly… but I know few people who agree with me on that. And that seems to matter. Popularity… ubiquitousness… versatility… all of these factored into my list.

      Also, saying “truffles” feels like cheating. That’d be like saying “chocolate” and claiming every form under the sun.Report

  19. So am I the only person here that does not like peanuts in my chocolate? I like my chocolate to be smooth and creamy. I do not want crunchy bits in it.Report

  20. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers, Peanut M&Ms? All good. I’d be happy to see them on the Candy Mount Rushmore. But Sour Patch Kids? Ick.

    I say we go for tradition. Honor the pioneers. Circus Peanuts! Orange in color, banana in flavor, peanut in shape! There’s no trademark, anyone can manufacture them–how wonderfully democratic is that? They represent our celebration of diversity and our love of fun!

    Circus Peanuts are what is best about America.Report

    1. If anyone votes for Candy Corn (the only more ridiculous “candy” than Circus Peanuts) I will run them out of this site on a rail.Report

      3. Hey, don’t you go knocking circus peanuts. When I was a child, they were pretty awesome; and my grandmother used to give them to me and I was happy.

        The other worthy child-hood memory of a candy that is not what it once was are the little pink wintergreen candies. Wintergreen is a wild plant, plentiful here about, and I forage for it’s red berries, though the leaves are also pleasant to chew. The same flavonoids are in yellow birch trees; you can smell it if you bruise the bark of newer growth to disturb the cambium layer beneath. I have friends who tap yellow birch, just like maple, to make birch beer. And birch beer combined with maple syrup and allowed to ferment until foamy is the original root beer.Report

  21. It just occurred to me, we also need a definitive Candy Anti-Rushmore, depicting the very worst candy ever. My nominees:

    1. Candy corn.

    2. Cheap, hollow Chocolate Easter Bunnies that don’t even taste like chocolate. (It’s like the culinary trade off for Jewish and Muslim kids: On the one hand, you don’t get to eat bacon, but on the other you don’t have to eat the bunnies because grandma bought them and is standing right there asking you to dig in.)

    3. Peeps

    4. MoundsReport

      1. Fun Facts:

        1) Mars does not sell Bounty in the US. Any Bounty that you buy here has been imported from another country.

        2) When Saddam Hussein was captured, he food stash included Bounty.Report

    2. White chocolate is a stain on the soul of humanity. Surely it trumps Mounds on the Anti-Mount Rushmore.

      What about wax lips? Are those even candy? Given how many kids ingest them, it seems fair to consider them — regardless of whether they are actually edible or not.

      Also, we need a better name for the Anti-Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushless seems to obvious. Mount Rush, after the band? Muahahaha…Report

    4. I’m not a big Peep eater, but this year I tried a strawberry creme one, and it was good. If I see them in the store, a few might end up in my cart.Report

  22. I’m going to throw out a darkhorse candidate: Goo Goo Clusters. Alternatively, Goo Goo Clusters Supreme.

    If you know what these are, you and I are friends.Report

  23. Skittles and Starburst. Sandwich optional.
    (How do you know a candy is awesome? When you hoard it as survival rations through August from Halloween… [yes, a friend or two of mine might have been a little deprived as a child…])Report

      2. I kind of like the new green apple flavor, although the lime flavor is better. But I’m good with the classic starbursts flavor suite too. The sours and the tropicals, not so much. I can deal with the berry flavor set.Report

  24. I hadn’t had Mike and Ikes since high school and then on a lark I bought them when I saw them at a convenience store, figuring “This’ll be something I remember fondly but doesn’t hold up over the years.”

    Oh. My. Not-god. They added trace amounts of real fruit juice to the recipe and the result was fantastic. Full fruity flavor, great jelly bean texture inside with the hard sugar shell outside. Luminescent and just sticky enough on the teeth. It’s been a massive exercise in restraint to not go back to that convenience store and buy the jumbo box.

    …Alsotoo I endorse the Reese’s Peanut Butter cups for Mt. Rushmore.Report

  25. The top shelf:

    Coussins de Lyon.
    Lindor truffles (blue wrapper, dark chocolate).
    pistachio Turkish delight.
    marrons glacés.

    Ordinary but perfectly acceptable stuff:

    Reese’s Pieces.
    Mounds. (Sorry Tod!)
    sour peaches.
    pecan pralines.Report

  26. Licorice (black jelly beans are an acceptable substitute this time of year)
    Dark chocolate coated marzipan
    Malted Milk Balls
    Atomic Fire BallsReport

    2. @murali Is soan papdi the same as soan cakes, made from chick pea flour and pistachios an’ stuff? Cause I just tasted that for the first time this week and we have a bunch in our fridge, if you wanna come over.Report

  29. Has anybody ever had Kinder Eggs? The chocolate is just OK, but they come with cool toys inside you have to assemble.Report

      5. Check this out:

        http://www.komonews.com/news/offbeat/Seattle-men-busted-at-Canadian-border-with-illegal-candy-162685596.html

        SEATTLE — Two Seattle men were recently pinched crossing the Canadian border, but the men weren’t carrying guns or drugs — they were packing illegal candy…Without thinking much of it, the duo picked up six of the eggs before heading home….

        When they got to the border, the guards began searching the car and soon found the eggs….”He said, ‘Are you aware kinder eggs are illegal in the United States and carry a $2,500 fine per egg?’ And I actually laughed,” Sweeney said…

        Loo and Sweeney spent two-and-a-half hours in a border detention center pleading their case to officers….The men eventually got off with a warning. Last year alone, Customs and Border Protection seized 25,000 Kinder Eggs.

        Report

  30. Candy is a distraction. If the point is dessert, there is PIE.

    1) Pumpkin Pie. In a universe where we have JIT fruits, vegetables, and whatever whether it be February, August, or November, pumpkin pie remains seasonal. There’s only about 3 months where it’s good and available and… *poof*. Next thing you know, you’re in the other 9 months. Serve with heavy whipping cream whipped into a frenzy. (Whipped Cream. Put it all over your body.)

    2) Apple Pie. Preferably Granny Smith apple. Preferably lattice rather than Dutch. Preferably with cheese rather than ice cream. Oh yes.

    3) Key Lime. Sweet and Citrusy Tart. Ideally, you sit back after the first bite and say “I forgot how tart this was.” The tiniest floret of whipped cream should do and put a tiny wedge of lime on top of it.

    4) Blackberry Cobbler. Seriously. Vanilla Ice Cream.

    5) Strawberry Rhubarb. Ideally, the pie crust has had raw sugar sprinkled on it before the filling has been added to the pie. A lattice on top will hold the vanilla ice cream nicely.

    Candy is for when you only have 2 minutes.Report

    1. There are only three kinds of pies:

      1.) Pecan pie
      2.) Peach cobbler
      3.) Blackberry cobbler

      The fact that two of the three kinds of pies are not, in fact, pies, says all you need to know about pies.Report

      3. @chris — one of the best cookie recipes ever. This is a variation of Mexican Wedding cakes, but the secret is in the long, slow back which does incredible magic with the pecans:

        2 sticks butter, softened
        1/4 cup sugar
        2 cups flour
        1 cup pecans, chopped fine (almost to a butter, even)
        powdered sugar

        Preheat oven to 250?

        Cream butter and sugar; mix in flour and pecans until just smooth.
        Roll into balls about the size of a ping-pong ball, and put them on a cookie sheet. One standard-size sheet should do, they won’t spread. Bake them for 1 hour. Roll in powdered sugar while still warm.

        These keep well, but in a house of pecan lovers, they do not last.Report

    2. If we’re moving into desserts I concur that pies are the top of the mountain. Cake is for little kids and cupcakes are just not worth talking about. I also think pies are the definitive Southern dessert with one exception: banana pudding. I get weak at the knees just thinking about it.

      If I had to pick three pies it would be hard but my top 3 are:

      – apple
      – pumpkin
      – sugar cream

      Apple pie should always be served warm with vanilla ice cream. Pumpkin should be served at room temperature with a mountain of Cool Whip (I like a 2:1 ratio of Cool Whip to Pie). Sugar cream also gets served warm with no need for add-ons. All require an enormous glass of ice-cold 2% milk.Report

    4. Sour Cherry Tapioca Pie is the best pie in the world, and anyone who thinks different has never eaten mine!

      Goldrush apples (or Jonathans in a pinch) make a damn fine pie though (go light on the sugar).

      Rhubarb cobbler is wonderful stuff.

      And I’ve made a decent 3berry with the frozen berries from Costco.

      I’ve made a peach pie once or twice, and it’s been fiiine.Report

    6. I love pie so much it is embarrassing. It is the thing I left out when I had a first date with this guy over the weekend that said even he is embarrassed by his LotR collection. My love for pie is more embarrassing then a LorR collection!!! I never thought I would say that.Report

  31. 1. Sour Patch Kids – totally.
    2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (I agree with Chris about the holiday Reese’s being best, but regular Reese’s are still good enough on their own to be on Mount Rushmore).
    3. English Toffee in any form, up to and including Heath Bar form. It both depressed and excited me when the Heath Bars were the candy that the kids chose to avoid this year. Depressed because it was clear that they avoided them because they were unfamiliar with the Heath Bar; excited because it meant I got a boatload of Heath Bars!
    4. Pre-2013 Skittles. Why in the world would they get rid of the lime?Report

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