Mount Rushmore – Candy Edition



One man. Two boys. Twelve kids.

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149 Responses

  1. Avatar Jaybird says:

    Sweet Tarts, pre-“Blue” Raspberry.

    You had the perfect pentad: Grape, Cherry, Orange, Lemon, Lime.

    Then, for some reason, they added a sixth (“we need blue in there”, I’m guessing was the thought process) and changed Lime (THE PERFECT TART FLAVOR) to “Sour Apple”.

    I hope that the guys in charge of making this decision left the meeting room having the same conversation as at the end of Easy Rider:

    Billy: We’ve done it. We’ve done it. We’re rich. Wyatt. [laughs] Yeah, man. [laughs] Yeah. Clearly, we did it, man we did it. We did it. Huh. We’re rich, man. We’re retired in Florida, now, mister. Whew.
    Wyatt: You know, Billy. We blew it.
    Billy: What? Huh? Wha-wha-wha- That’s what it’s all about, man. I mean, like you know – I mean, you go for the big money, man, and then you’re free. You dig? [Laughs]
    Wyatt: We blew it. Good night, man.

    Now that I think about it, nobody left that room but a bunch of goddamned Billys.Report

  2. Avatar Chris says:

    The mini’s throw off the ratio. Ratios matter, people

    Absolutely, which is why the Reese’s Easter Eggs, which have perfected the chocolate-to-peanutbutter ratio, or one of humankind’s greatest inventions.Report

  3. Avatar Kim says:

    Recommend against eating Reeses or any of the lower cost peanut butters. Health reasons.Report

  4. Avatar Kim says:

    Chocolate isn’t candy. It’s a foodstuff. People eat pounds of chocolate at a time (okay, so some of these people wind up in the hospital). You’d feel ridiculous if you ate a pound of gummi bears, wouldn’t you?Report

  5. Avatar Glyph says:

    Has anyone here had the dark chocolate peanut M&M’s? SO SO GOOD. ADDICTIVE LIKE CANDY CRACK. I don’t know why they even make the original milk chocolate variety anymore.Report

  6. Avatar Kolohe says:

    I’m not saying I hate the OP’s choices – some of my favorites are on that list – but peanut/chocolate is overrepresented (as is soft candy) (and massed produced stuff). So:

    1) Turkish delight
    2) Salt-water taffy
    3) Butterscotch hard candy
    4) SnickersReport

    • Avatar Kolohe in reply to Kolohe says:

      (M&M’s are the Andrew Jackson of candy)Report

    • Avatar Miss Mary in reply to Kolohe says:

      Salt water taffy freaking rocks.

      I’ll let the M&Ms slide because they are pretty good. Sour Patch kids are the best candy on earth, so great job there. I’m replacing peanut butter cups with Butterfinger. Nostalgia has a roll in the Butterfinger. Snickers? Eh, whatever.

      Dark chocolate has to be on the list. It just has to, you monster! Red Vines is the only licorice I’m willing to acknowledge exists. Jelly Belly jelly beans are the BEST, except for the buttered popcorn because it takes like ass. They really screwed up on that one.Report

  7. Avatar Glyph says:

    Way back when, Jolly Ranchers were the candy of choice amongst friends when…partaking of…certain things….that The Man doesn’t want you to have (and are very, very bad for you, children, don’t do them).

    Anyway, even unto this day, the smell of JR’s can trigger certain associations and physical sensations.

    See? Candy is a corrupting gateway drug.Report

  8. Avatar Jacob says:

    Haribo Gold Bears. The thin coating of beeswax gives it an unmistakable chewiness.Report

  9. Avatar zic says:

    I realize I don’t remember the last time I even purchased candy (other then dark chocolate). I’ve developed an allergy to corn products, so it’s all pretty much outside what I consider edible now. But digging back into the days before, I’d come up with:

    Tootsie Rolls
    Wild Cherry Life SaversReport

  10. Avatar Saul DeGraw says:

    1. Marzipan: I love Marzipan that lovely almond paste.

    2. German Raspberries

    3. Reese’s Peanut Butter anything

    4. Snickers.Report

  11. Avatar zic says:

    And the best candy bars ever made (pre-corn syrup, of course) is the Mounds Bar.

    Coconut perfection encased in dark chocolate perfection.Report

  12. Avatar Damon says:

    Not in order of preference but as I think of them:

    Peanut butter cups
    York peppermint patties
    Cadbury Cream Eggs–Bok Bok biatches!

    OFC, I prefer very dark, high cacao, bar chocolate. Goes well with scotch.Report

  13. Avatar Hoosegow Flask says:

    1. Giant non-chewy Sweet Tarts
    2. Air Heads
    3. Runts
    4. Caramel CreamsReport

  14. Avatar Kim says:

    Dutch Licorice Cats.
    Sweet Tarts
    Molasses Candy.
    Lemon SoursReport

  15. Avatar LeeEsq says:

    Reese’s Peanut cups. Chocolate covered pretzels, the perfect blend of sweet and salt. chocolate covered marzipan. lemon sucking candy.Report

  16. Avatar Sam Fran Sam says:

    Gee thanks for the topic. i am trying to overcome my addiction to sweets. i figure that i eat about 4000 calories a month of candy. and all at work. where it seems like every admin asst has bowl of something screaming to be devoured. that’s the only time i really crave it. Been about 7 weeks. i figure all else equal every month i go without candy i lose about a pound of weight.

    that being said my favorites are
    dark chocolate, especially with a soft filling
    See’s peppermint. the kind where each is single wrapped.
    Jolly Ranchers – traditional flavors
    black licorice – the good stuffReport

  17. Avatar Boegiboe says:

    Chocolate is, as @kim says, different from candy, though I would argue it’s more a drug than a food. And the best kind is super-dark chocolate, the less sweetness the better, mixed with some flavoring or another, like chili powder, raspberry filling, peanut butter, etc.

    Candy, though: Nerds (so crunchy), Jolly Rancher (Yay, Lockjaw), Blow Pop (bonus gum), and Cherry Twizzler (fun to peel apart). Note that isn’t the Strawberry, straw-type Twizzler, which I don’t care for unless I’m using it as a straw. I’m talking about the hexagonal ropey stuff.Report

    • Avatar Miss Mary in reply to Boegiboe says:

      Ginger. Dark chocolate and ginger by Chocolove. Mmm. Or Dark chocolate with sea salt and almonds by Moonstruck. Ok, anything by Moonstruck.

      If you love dark chocolate as much as I do, I will forgive you for the Nerds, Blow Pops, and Twizzlers. What are you three??? How does one person have the capacity to enjoy all of those and dark chocolate???Report

  18. Avatar Tod Kelly says:

    That list is simply terrible, a slight — nay, a mockery of the real and true Mt. Rushmore of Candy, which as everyone knows features:

    1. Marzipan, because marzipan screams “mom only buys it on a special holiday.”

    2. Reese’s Minis, because if you get the regular size you eat it and you’re done. But if you buy a bag of minis, you do so because you only want a wee bit because dinner time’s in about an hour, but then you eat one, and you realize that one isn’t quite enough so you grab two more. And then that actually makes you peckish, so you grad a few more. Then you realize that you have a small foil ball going, but it’s not so big that you can’t actually throw it at things in any effective way, of you have to go get another handful to make the ball big enough to make into a cat toy. And then you realize that it’s almost dinner time and you’re not hungry anymore and you go to put the bad away, but now there’s just three minis left and you think to yourself how stupid it is to put a bag of three minis in the pantry, so you eat them. That’s some motherfisin’ Rushmore cred, that is.

    3. JellyBelly Sours, because why didn’t you have these here to begin with???!!!

    4. Truffles.

    Thank you in advance, everyone, for revising your lists.

    That is all.Report

    • Avatar Saul DeGraw in reply to Tod Kelly says:

      Hey, I put marzipan as number 1!Report

    • Avatar Kazzy in reply to Tod Kelly says:

      Jelly Belly Sours are indeed fantastic. Probably my second favorite candy. I should have made my criteria explicit. These aren’t necessarily the four tastiest — though they all are phenomenally tasty. Rather, I consider them to be the most important. Jelly Belly Sours… amazing, undoubtedly… but I know few people who agree with me on that. And that seems to matter. Popularity… ubiquitousness… versatility… all of these factored into my list.

      Also, saying “truffles” feels like cheating. That’d be like saying “chocolate” and claiming every form under the sun.Report

  19. Avatar Reformed Republican says:

    So am I the only person here that does not like peanuts in my chocolate? I like my chocolate to be smooth and creamy. I do not want crunchy bits in it.Report

  20. Avatar Zane says:

    Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers, Peanut M&Ms? All good. I’d be happy to see them on the Candy Mount Rushmore. But Sour Patch Kids? Ick.

    I say we go for tradition. Honor the pioneers. Circus Peanuts! Orange in color, banana in flavor, peanut in shape! There’s no trademark, anyone can manufacture them–how wonderfully democratic is that? They represent our celebration of diversity and our love of fun!

    Circus Peanuts are what is best about America.Report

  21. Avatar Tod Kelly says:

    It just occurred to me, we also need a definitive Candy Anti-Rushmore, depicting the very worst candy ever. My nominees:

    1. Candy corn.

    2. Cheap, hollow Chocolate Easter Bunnies that don’t even taste like chocolate. (It’s like the culinary trade off for Jewish and Muslim kids: On the one hand, you don’t get to eat bacon, but on the other you don’t have to eat the bunnies because grandma bought them and is standing right there asking you to dig in.)

    3. Peeps

    4. MoundsReport

  22. Avatar Chris says:

    I’m going to throw out a darkhorse candidate: Goo Goo Clusters. Alternatively, Goo Goo Clusters Supreme.

    If you know what these are, you and I are friends.Report

  23. Avatar Kim says:

    Skittles and Starburst. Sandwich optional.
    (How do you know a candy is awesome? When you hoard it as survival rations through August from Halloween… [yes, a friend or two of mine might have been a little deprived as a child…])Report

  24. Avatar Burt Likko says:

    I hadn’t had Mike and Ikes since high school and then on a lark I bought them when I saw them at a convenience store, figuring “This’ll be something I remember fondly but doesn’t hold up over the years.”

    Oh. My. Not-god. They added trace amounts of real fruit juice to the recipe and the result was fantastic. Full fruity flavor, great jelly bean texture inside with the hard sugar shell outside. Luminescent and just sticky enough on the teeth. It’s been a massive exercise in restraint to not go back to that convenience store and buy the jumbo box.

    …Alsotoo I endorse the Reese’s Peanut Butter cups for Mt. Rushmore.Report

  25. Avatar Jason Kuznicki says:

    The top shelf:

    Coussins de Lyon.
    Lindor truffles (blue wrapper, dark chocolate).
    pistachio Turkish delight.
    marrons glacés.

    Ordinary but perfectly acceptable stuff:

    Reese’s Pieces.
    Mounds. (Sorry Tod!)
    sour peaches.
    pecan pralines.Report

  26. Avatar NoPublic says:

    Licorice (black jelly beans are an acceptable substitute this time of year)
    Dark chocolate coated marzipan
    Malted Milk Balls
    Atomic Fire BallsReport

  27. Avatar Murali says:

    Almond Rocca
    Malaysian Coconut Candy
    Royce milk chocolates
    Soan papdiReport

  28. Avatar Mike Dwyer says:

    Mallow Cups

  29. Avatar Glyph says:

    Has anybody ever had Kinder Eggs? The chocolate is just OK, but they come with cool toys inside you have to assemble.Report

  30. Avatar Jaybird says:

    Candy is a distraction. If the point is dessert, there is PIE.

    1) Pumpkin Pie. In a universe where we have JIT fruits, vegetables, and whatever whether it be February, August, or November, pumpkin pie remains seasonal. There’s only about 3 months where it’s good and available and… *poof*. Next thing you know, you’re in the other 9 months. Serve with heavy whipping cream whipped into a frenzy. (Whipped Cream. Put it all over your body.)

    2) Apple Pie. Preferably Granny Smith apple. Preferably lattice rather than Dutch. Preferably with cheese rather than ice cream. Oh yes.

    3) Key Lime. Sweet and Citrusy Tart. Ideally, you sit back after the first bite and say “I forgot how tart this was.” The tiniest floret of whipped cream should do and put a tiny wedge of lime on top of it.

    4) Blackberry Cobbler. Seriously. Vanilla Ice Cream.

    5) Strawberry Rhubarb. Ideally, the pie crust has had raw sugar sprinkled on it before the filling has been added to the pie. A lattice on top will hold the vanilla ice cream nicely.

    Candy is for when you only have 2 minutes.Report

    • Avatar Chris in reply to Jaybird says:

      There are only three kinds of pies:

      1.) Pecan pie
      2.) Peach cobbler
      3.) Blackberry cobbler

      The fact that two of the three kinds of pies are not, in fact, pies, says all you need to know about pies.Report

      • Avatar Jaybird in reply to Chris says:

        Let’s be honest about this: “pecan pie” is the “let’s put walnuts in the brownies” of pies.Report

      • Avatar Chris in reply to Chris says:

        Hush your mouth!

        My love of pecan pie, which is excessive, is a matter of some amusement to friends.Report

      • Avatar zic in reply to Chris says:

        @chris — one of the best cookie recipes ever. This is a variation of Mexican Wedding cakes, but the secret is in the long, slow back which does incredible magic with the pecans:

        2 sticks butter, softened
        1/4 cup sugar
        2 cups flour
        1 cup pecans, chopped fine (almost to a butter, even)
        powdered sugar

        Preheat oven to 250?

        Cream butter and sugar; mix in flour and pecans until just smooth.
        Roll into balls about the size of a ping-pong ball, and put them on a cookie sheet. One standard-size sheet should do, they won’t spread. Bake them for 1 hour. Roll in powdered sugar while still warm.

        These keep well, but in a house of pecan lovers, they do not last.Report

      • Avatar Chris in reply to Chris says:

        zic, that sounds wonderful, and I would love to make it if I could bake to save my life. But I know some people who might make it for me. 😉Report

    • Avatar Mike Dwyer in reply to Jaybird says:

      If we’re moving into desserts I concur that pies are the top of the mountain. Cake is for little kids and cupcakes are just not worth talking about. I also think pies are the definitive Southern dessert with one exception: banana pudding. I get weak at the knees just thinking about it.

      If I had to pick three pies it would be hard but my top 3 are:

      – apple
      – pumpkin
      – sugar cream

      Apple pie should always be served warm with vanilla ice cream. Pumpkin should be served at room temperature with a mountain of Cool Whip (I like a 2:1 ratio of Cool Whip to Pie). Sugar cream also gets served warm with no need for add-ons. All require an enormous glass of ice-cold 2% milk.Report

    • Avatar NoPublic in reply to Jaybird says:

      I don’t believe I’ve ever said this before but I fully endorse the entirety of what Jaybird has said.Report

    • Avatar Kim in reply to Jaybird says:

      Sour Cherry Tapioca Pie is the best pie in the world, and anyone who thinks different has never eaten mine!

      Goldrush apples (or Jonathans in a pinch) make a damn fine pie though (go light on the sugar).

      Rhubarb cobbler is wonderful stuff.

      And I’ve made a decent 3berry with the frozen berries from Costco.

      I’ve made a peach pie once or twice, and it’s been fiiine.Report

    • Avatar Patrick in reply to Jaybird says:

      Kitty’s strawberry rhubarb is made just like that. We just had one. Exactly like that, raw sugar lattice crust, vanilla ice cream.Report

    • Avatar Miss Mary in reply to Jaybird says:

      I love pie so much it is embarrassing. It is the thing I left out when I had a first date with this guy over the weekend that said even he is embarrassed by his LotR collection. My love for pie is more embarrassing then a LorR collection!!! I never thought I would say that.Report

  31. 1. Sour Patch Kids – totally.
    2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (I agree with Chris about the holiday Reese’s being best, but regular Reese’s are still good enough on their own to be on Mount Rushmore).
    3. English Toffee in any form, up to and including Heath Bar form. It both depressed and excited me when the Heath Bars were the candy that the kids chose to avoid this year. Depressed because it was clear that they avoided them because they were unfamiliar with the Heath Bar; excited because it meant I got a boatload of Heath Bars!
    4. Pre-2013 Skittles. Why in the world would they get rid of the lime?Report