What makes a good minor league team name?
First off, it shouldn’t be generic. This is the problem with all those cats, dogs, and birds of prey. And no, adding “River” to it doesn’t make it better (sorry, Sacramento River Cats and Charleston River Dogs) and neither does adding “Sea” (sorry, Portland Sea Dogs and Erie Seawolves).
It should have some local relevance, and quirky is good, but it is a fine line between quirky and twee. The Montgomery Biscuits fall on the wrong side of this line, while the Las Vegas 51s shoot right past it (Area 51: get it??) in what looks suspiciously like a bid to sell team gear such as caps with an alien head. History is good–this is, after all, baseball.
Finally, it should make sense. A surprising number of names are just random morphemes slapped together, such as the notion that “-sox” is a basebally-sounding syllable with no actual meaning (Bowie Baysox, Colorado Springs Skysox).
So here goes: an objectively correct list of the five best names (current edition–defunct teams would be a different list):
(5) Lansing Lugnuts. The name is fairly recent (dating only to 1996) but it successfully captures the look and feel of older names. It makes a nice reference to the local automotive industry. And I am a sucker for the allure of alliteration. Did I leave that off the list of desirable qualities? Take it as given.
(4) Asheville Tourists. The name has massive history behind it, dating back to 1915 as the name for the Asheville, North Carolina team, with only a brief unfortunate interlude of a few years in the early 1970s when they were the “Orioles.’ I assume “Tourist” is because Asheville is in the mountains, so people went there in the summer to escape the heat. There is a lot to be said for the earlier name of “Moonshiners,” but you can’t have everything. In 1959 a new team went in. The ownership wanted a new name, but the fans voted overwhelmingly to keep the old one. You gotta respect that. Finally, the cognoscenti among us will recall that the Asheville Tourists is where crash Davis went after he was released from the Durham Bulls.
(3) Altoona Curve. It is hard to express how much I love this name. It is a reference to Altoona’s Horseshoe Curve: a famous feature back when people routinely took passenger rail. It is part of the main line of the Pennsylvania Railroad, which was one of the major links between the northeast and the midwest. If you were near either the front or the rear of the train, you could look out your window and see the other end of the train moving the opposite direction. With the team name we have what many would take as a generic baseball reference to pitching, while it is actually a splendid local reference. Brilliant!
(2) Albuquerque Isotopes. This is just barely on the right side of the line between quirky and twee. It is a reference to an old Simpson’s episode, when Homer goes on a hunger strike to stop the Springfield Isotopes from moving to Albuquerque. The name got 67% of the fan vote in a newspaper poll, and the ownership went along. What saves it from being an outdated funny-once joke is that it is also a legitimate local reference to New Mexico’s proud history of being irradiated by the Department of Defense. That and it makes for a cool logo.
(1) Toledo Mud Hens. When marketing departments try to come up with some quirky name for a minor league club, this is the name they are imitating. It apparently goes back to the 19th century. The club played on a field next to a marsh, because it was outside the city limits and therefore dodged Toledo’s blue laws. The marsh was inhabited by American coots, a/k/a mud hens, hence the nickname. The name is so clearly cool that it holds a unique place in American culture: Corporal Klinger was a huge Mud Hens fan, Ed Crankshaft pitched for them, and Lou Brown managed them before saving Cleveland from being transferred to Miami. Bull Durham is a better movie, but Toledo Mud Hens is a better name.
All images lifted from Wikipedia. Bonus images:
The Horseshoe Curve:
and an actual mud hen:
I do like the Isotopes. That is a winner.
I’d love to see what the mascot for the Lugnuts is but i can’t imagine what it would be for the Tourists.Report
Googling it, it is a guy in a baseball uniform with a giant ball on his head: a minor league version of the Mets’ mascot. Lame, but you don’t go to minor league ball for the mascot. With the notable exception, that is, of the Wilmington, Delaware Blue Rocks. Whenever the Blue Rocks score, a guy in a celery suit (“Mr. Celery”) rushes out and dances around and high fives the fans. It is pointless and utterly charming. Mr. Celery has a devoted local following. Here he is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPH1x3xCOxwReport
I admit I didn’t see Mr. Celery coming. But the dude or dudette really Cels it with that dancing.Report
Isotopes also honors Albuquerque’s association with physicist Werner Heisenberg.Report
I had a conversation with my wife on Sunday evening about how and why the Toledo Mudhens have the best team name in baseball. Glad to see I was both timely and (probably) correct. (If this were my list, the Lugnuts might have been a bit higher, though…)Report
What was your reasoning about the Mud Hens, and how long was it before your wife wandered to a different room?Report
Your selections are objectively correct. Good show!Report
Well, I am a Rivercats fan and generally prefer to go to minor league games than most majors (A’s excepted). But you are probably right about the names. I like Lugnuts.Report
We’ve got minor league ball right here in my hometown, the JetHawks. Leaving aside the inappropriateness of mushing two words together and leaving the second word still capitalized in the middle of the name, it combines the goodness of local relevance with the tiredness of the adjective-followed-by-a-bird-of-prey-of-some-kind naming trope (variant: gerund-followed-by-a-bird-of-prey-of-some-kind).Report
I’ve always like the Nashville Sounds, but then I would. And the New Orleans Zephyrs, whom Nashville used to play regularly.
Also the Chattanooga Lookouts.
The greatest sports nickname of all time, however, goes to the now defunct Macon, GA minor league hockey team.Report
OK, you made me look it up: the Macon Whoopee treads dangerously upon being a funny-once joke. On the other hand, it makes me think of Michelle Pfeiffer slithering around on top of a piano while wearing a slinky red dress. In fact, I’m thinking of that right now… Mmmm… What were we talking about again?Report
When the NBA d-league was considering Macon as a location, ‘The Bacon’ was in the running as a team name.Report
Oh, what could have been…Report
The Midwest League alone is rife with awesome nicknames, the aforementioned Lugnuts being one of them. Also of note are the Ft. Wayne Tincaps (Johnny Appleseed is buried right next to the old park), the W. Michigan Whitecaps, and the Cedar Rapids Kernels (because what else in IA would be an inspiration for a team name?). Quad Cities has been many things, but I think the Swing was their best nickname, paying homage Davenport being the hometown of drunken cornet great Bix Beiderbecke. My son and I take an annual long weekend trip to three Midwest League towns to watch baseball, play golf, and sightsee. He was 10 when we started and he’s a sophomore in college today.
My wife is from just outside Moline and one of our first dates was to a game at John O’Donnell stadium to see the QC Angels play. It cost $3 a head to get in. She knew she was in for great things after that.Report
Really? Really?
You specifically call out the trend of body-of-water plus cat/dog/bird as lazy, and then your number one pick is body-of-water plus bird?
Shame on you.Report
First off, I remind you that this listicle is “objectively correct” and therefore not subject to any niggling concerns with foolish consistency. In any case, “mud” is entirely different from “river” and “sea.” The latter are bodies of water. The former is a substance, albeit one incorporating water. In summary, I am completely vindicated. Thank you for your time.Report
Which I’d accept if “mud’ in this context, didn’t refer to a mudflat and not just the substance. After all, “sea” can refer to both a body of water and also the water-esque substance contained by that body of water.
And i refuse to abandon the foolish consistency until you retract your ill-considered slander of the Sacramento team.Report
If there’s not a team called the Sault Sainte Marie Yoopers, then there ought to be and I want the apparel concession.Report
There is a junior hockey team in Ironwood called the Fighting Yoopers, but I think a true yooper team should be located in Ishpeming or Marquette or somewhere in the middle of the UP.
And I’ll give you the apparel concession, but I get all the pasty profits.Report
There used to be a minor league baseball team in Sonoma County, California, called the Crushers. Their mascot was a bear with purple feet. During home games, their fans would chant “We will, we will crush you.”Report
Shout out, or honorable mention out, for my hometownish team:
…who play at “the Epicenter.”Report
Bonus points: “Rancho Cucamonga” is fun to say out loud (go ahead, say it) and “the Cucamonga Quakes” alliterates when you say it out loud.Report
The traditional formula is “Anaheim, Azusa, and Cucamonga”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygVFbz6AsnE
This, in turn, is traditionally associated with Jack Benny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrTWjS9bT68
but I’m not sure which came first. It might have been this, from Jimmy Dorsey (with the names in a different order):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5cpDte7BWs
The least explicable iteration is this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsyHgcy4cVoReport
Oh, sure, just as classic as Tinker to Evans to Chance. A while ago, I stumbled across a link to a Google maps location in which three streets were named Tinker, Evans, and Chance, and of course I forgot to bookmark the link and even where in the country such a land developer’s joke might be found.
Now, I’ve also opined on the pleasure of saying local place names out loud, and in that sense I’m blessed to have family roots in Wisconsin where there’s lots of fun-to-say names left over from the Potawatomi and Winnebago languages: Sheboygan, Oconomowoc, Menominee Falls, and so on. But the winner of the most fun-to-say place name still has to be Walla Walla, Washington. Does Walla Walla have a ball club?Report
Oh, sure, just as classic as Tinker to Evans to Chance.
Which is as classic as Anaheim, Astoria, and Cucamonga.Report
Even *I* knew it was “Evers” (but only because it’s the name of a Game Theory comp.)
https://youtu.be/fBEteu2LllIReport
Disagree. The most fun to say place name is Ho-Ho-Kus (New Jersey)Report
“Walla Walla. Keokuk. Cucamonga. Seattle.”
“Stop it, you’re killing me! Seattle.”Report
I’m a fan of the indoor football team the Omaha Beef.Report
My local minor league baseball team is the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs, which I think deserves a mention. Crustacean Nation!Report
Savannah, GA just lost their AAA team to Columbus, SC*, but prior to that, I’d put in a word for the Savannah Sand Gnats. It’s got a if-you-can’t-beat-em-join-em kinda feel to it, as well as the implication that they will be supremely annoying to the the opposing team.
There’s a new college-ball team coming to town, and they’re scouting for names now.
*Fun note: apparently now minor league teams feel emboldened to try the “build me a new stadium or I’mma take my toys and go home” tactic. I hope to whichever deity is in charge of whiny millionaires that this is treated with all possible disdain. The end can only be small towns devoid of high schools because they refused to build them acceptable sports facilities.Report