Sunday!

It’s not how *I* would have booked it, but the Atlanta Falcons are facing off against the New England Patriots for the American Football World Title.

New England has the most hated Quarterback in the league who is teamed up with the most hated Coach in the league and even though they started the season with Tom Brady benched because of some disagreements about the pressure of the pigskins, the Patriots managed to overcome having this one hand tied behind their back and claw their way to be the number one team in the AFC. Presumably by cheating.

The last time I heard about the Atlanta Falcons was when they fought against the underdog Denver Broncos in the Superbowl when the so-called “Dirty Birds” under the tutelage of hated coach Dan Reeves fought Dan Reeves’s former protégé John Elway and, understandably, the Falcons lost. As they ought to have. Then they did the whole “Mike Vick” thing which was up there with “Katie Vick” for the worst booking in the history of the league and they disappeared into some weird storylines involving the renaming of their stadium “The Mercedes Benz Stadium”, like that’d help, and they went back to the middle of the card until this season, where they’re going the “boring babyface” route against the biggest heel in the league.

So, given that this is our title match, here’s how I’d book it:

Have the announcers lean into how evenly matched these guys are. Look at the tale from the tape and talk about how much the quarterbacks weigh and how long their arms are and that sort of thing. “Look at that defensive lineman! He’s huge!”

Focus on how anything can happen. Use the phrase “any given Sunday” and make the folks at home nod. This is part of the ritual.

Then I’d have an offensive shootout. WHAM! Touchdown. WHAM! Another touchdown. The people who said “Let’s have a ‘Big Game Party’, given that “Super Bowl” is a registered trademark of the NFL, and we’ll do shots whenever anybody gets a touchdown!”? Let’s make them have to call in “sick” tomorrow. Make people feel like the safest time to go to the bathroom is during the commercials because, seriously, anything could happen when somebody touches the ball.

And it has to be evenly matched. With turnovers even. Have this team get two touchdowns in a row, BAM BAM, because of an interception and make the folks at home say “that’s it, the game’s over” and then give the other team those touchdowns right back due to a great pass and then a great interception. BAM BAM. NO FIELD GOALS.

Then, in the 4th Quarter, on a dubious play, give it to Tom Brady.

Make the folks come back next year.

That’s how *I* would book it.

So… what are you reading and/or watching?