What if Santa really was real?
This image is photoshopped and comes from a Cracked.com contest asking about the unseen dark sides of Christmas movies. But I think it brings up an interesting point: Were it such that Santa was real and really did magically fill houses with gifts, what would the economic impact be? And how long before the government would try to regulate him? I thought the folks here would find this particularly of interest.
Kazzy
One man. Two boys. Twelve kids.
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Brilliant!Report
Heh. Something very like that — government officials being suspicious of a strange man in red showing up handing out gifts and concered over the possible economic effects of same — is a plot point in what may be my favorite Christmas story ever, Lawrence Watt-Evans “The God In Red”, available online at this place. Probably helps if you’re a fan of LWE’s Ethshar novels, though.Report
Natasha has been indulging in cheesy Christmas movies. Not just on the Lifetime channel, we’re talking about the Hallmark channel, these are so wholesome and heartwarming. (Some nights I come home from work afraid that I will find her in a diabetic coma, these movies are so sweet.) So, I’ve learned that Santa Claus really helps attractive middle-aged white women, often single mothers, find True Love During the Holidays. The presents under the tree are quite beside the point.Report
How silly. We know its Dr. Who who does the saving of the world on Christmas Day.Report
For all we know Santa could be a Time Lord that had the misfortune of regenerating as an old man with a big beard rather than an attractive young, clean-shaving man. Not every Time Lord can hit the regeneration jack pot.Report
If Santa helps attractive middle age white woman find true love, wouldn’t it make their beaus the gifts? That would make Santa, a slaver because he is treating people as property.Report
Boxing Day, man. Boxing Day.Report
It does make me wonder about conservatives and Santa. As it is, I think the imaginary presents stand in for the ideal of being rewarded or punished by an all seeing judge based upon your annual morality and industry. So I think it works really well there.
But if the presents were real, and people were getting things given to them without buying them with their own money, regardless of class and earned purchasing power? I wonder if it wouldn’t be view as some kind of pernicious socialism.Report
Given that the best presents show up under the good trees on the good part of town and the crappy part of town gets presents that may as well have come from the dollar store, I don’t know that “socialism” applies.Report
I am assuming that if Santa were real, this would not be the case.
If it were the case, then I suddenly can imagine a very real, non-hyperbolic liberal War on Christmas.Report
Well, if Santa were real, I imagine the “naughty” list would correlate to a vaguely recognizable ethical standard and so that people who deserve coal and/or switches would get coal and/or switches… and everyone would know (more or less) why they got them.
One of the recurring problems would be a situation where one finds oneself explaining that Bush got coal/switches every year too, following a Christmas Day report from the White House.
Or the issue of Nintendo (one of thousands of companies easily used as an example) asking about the source of those bootleg copies of Mario.Report
I think everybody would declare war on Santa. Like Tod says, the free handouts and communist-red outfit would get the Right on his case; the obesity, flying-reindeer carbon emissions (you have any idea how much methane those things put out, flying to every house in the world at that speed?) and forced child labor (sure, he call them “elves”, but we all know what’s up) would get the Left after him.
It turns out the War on Santa is the only thing that can bring this fractured nation together.Report
Plus, he’s a smoker. Yuck. Everybody hates that, now.Report
My mother, a substitute teacher, tells a story of how her 2nd grade students were convinced that Santa smokes pot–because in the poem he’s smoking a pipe and that’s what gets smoked in pipes.Report
If Santa was real, I’d working to unionize the elves and animal rights activists would by trying to ensure that his flying reindeer aren’t abused.Report
Well, I suppose this is as good a place as any to post this:
Report
Would presents made by unpaid North Pole labor be that different from presents mad by underpaid sweatshop labor? Either way, economists would tell us it’s a boon and the unemployed would disagree.Report
Unpaid? The elves voluntarily agree to work for room (a massive dormitory) and board (reindeer gruel for breakfast, reminder gruel for lunch, reindeer gruel for dinner). Why can’t you libruls just accept that they’re happy with their opportunities, or they’d all be brokers on Wall St.Report
You only think the elves have it good because you get your info from the Xmas Industrial Complex.Report
CNN (Christmas News Network) is a reliable source.Report
There you go. CNN could F up puppies, flowers and a sunny day.Report
It’s better than the Friends Of Xmas news network!Report
reminder gruel for lunch
“Remember, it’ll be gruel again for dinner. Now get back to work!”Report
All I want for Christmas is the ability to type well on an IPad.Report
If Santa were real, I assume WalMart et al. stays closed on Thanksgiving and maybe even Black Friday.
I also assume seasonal workers are no more.Report
It depends. Most folks I know who still do the tree/Christmas Morning thing have some percentage of “From X to Y” presents and “Santa” presents.
I presume that the Santa presents would be replaced by this system, leaving the personal gifts untouched.
(All the better for coal/switch issues.)Report
Using only my family (and my overindulgent mother) Santa was a good 2/3 of the gifts. There were 4 of us kids… Not sure how the math breaks down the permutations as to whether that means more or less Sanat gifts per capita.Report
But that calls into question Santa’s rules…
Only Christians under X years old?
Only Christians who believe?
All children?
Does Santa run the risk of being labeled an anti-semite? Do people have a right to Santa’s gifts?Report
Does Santa run the risk of being labeled an anti-semite?
Isn’t that a prerequisite for Catholic sainthood?Report
Were it such that Santa was real and really did magically fill houses with gifts, what would the economic impact be?
Dunno, but we’d have some really solid evidence of which people were naughty.Report
Setting aside that getting stuff free is a boon to consumers, if Ssnta only gave presents to those who are good, I’m sure the economic impact would be minimal.Report
This is assuming a Hobbesian rather than a Rousseau inspired take on humans.Report
Are you sure? Hobbes believed civil society tamed humans, while Rousseau believed it ruined them.Report
Regulate Santa? Santa has a pervasive, omniscient surveillance system and detailed intelligence database on the citizens of the Earth. Santa is is part of the military industrial complex and a tool of the of the corporations. Santa *is* regulatory capture.
Regulate Santa? The State of New York tried that once, but the Truman Administration intervened. He is protected at the *highest* levels.
Regulate Santa? In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Santa lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue.Report
Humans can’t stop Santa, they can only hope to contain him. By soliciting the power of Krampus. Some might say it’s a deal with the Devil, but extreme problems call for extreme solutions. At least that’s what my Krampuh always used to tell me. Oops, I meant Grandpa. My Grandpa.Report
Yes, in Langley there is a Santa Claus.Report
But NORAD tracks him, so we can shoot that MoFo out of the sky anytime we want. (That we haven’t is probably how we can be sure Santa is white.)Report
This seems apropos:
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3217#comicReport