Well, There’s This…
A dear friend mused about how my newfound parenthood would impact my teaching and how being a teacher would impact my parenting. Regarding the latter, I can already note a tangible difference in an unexpected area.
Hugs.
I’ve never been the most physically affectionate teacher and, amongst early childhood teachers, am probably at the extreme end. This is for two primary reasons: inherent personality and self-preservation. I’ve needed to be more physically affectionate this year than most because I have a particularly huggy, cuddly group of kids, but it still never really became a big thing for me. Being a cold-hearted bastard will do that, I guess.
But since Mayonnaise arrived on the scene, it’s been different. And I think I finally put a finger on why.
When the children hug me, I think it is less about their love or affection for me and more about me serving as a proxy for who they wish they were really hugging and loving at that moment: their parents. And I realized this because, while giving one of them a hug, I was doing so thinking of Mayonnaise and how much I wish I was hugging him at that moment.
Now, maybe I’m projecting. Maybe the snot nosed brats like me in spite of my best efforts. But before Mayonnaise, I never even really thought about the power of hugs in the classroom beyond providing comfort and providing a tangible symbol of love. After him? Well, maybe they’re a bit more useful than that…
1) I am genuinely touched to be described that way by your hyperlink. Right back atcha.
2) I seriously cannot wait to read more musings like this.
3) I so wish you were the Critter’s teacher.Report
1) I can’t wait until we meet IRL and you realize what a douche I am!
2) As I mentioned in my “Parenting: The Game” post, the benefits flow both ways. Zazzy still doesn’t understand how I can stand there while Mayonnaise pees/poops/spits up on me without flinching. “Welcome to my life the past 10 years.”
3) It was the part where I talk about being a cold-hearted bastard and trying to get them to hate me… wasn’t it?Report
Yes, it was exactly that.Report
Their little hearts can only hold so much hate. If I can absorb the bulk of it, the parents are in the clear!
Or, more sinisterly, the little cretins need to learn that sometimes they have to hear and accept the word “No” and if their parents aren’t going to teach them it, I will… over and over again.
But, yea, I hug kids now so I’m not a total monster.Report
Nice post, Kaz-man.
I grew up in a mixed household, by which I mean my mother, an Italian woman, is a hugger, while my dad, a Southern man, is a non-hugger. I took after my father, and was a non-hugger until my son was born, at which point I switched parents and took after my mother, and I have remained a hugger to this very day.
Also, one of my favorite moments of my son’s childhood: When he was 3, closer to 4 than 3 1/2, he was in preschool and had made a very good friend named Marcus, his first real “best friend.” His teachers told me that he and Marcus were inseparable at school, but I had never really seen them interact. Then one day my son had a doctor’s appointment early in the morning, so I took him to preschool late. We got there as the other kids were at one of their recesses, playing outside on the playground. I was walking my son into the playground area when my son and Marcus saw each other, they ran to each other and gave each other a huge hug. I admit that I almost cried when I saw it, not only because it was a beautiful moment, but because it was a beautiful moment that I couldn’t have had as a child (most of my southern male friends took after their southern fathers, all of us from a very young age), but because I felt proud of myself for, by switching to my mother, giving that gift — the hug — to my son.Report
Thanks.
I’m very affectionate, sometimes TOO affectionate, with my wife, but otherwise am not in any way “cuddly”. Which I think is okay for an early childhood educator… there are many other ways to demonstrate warmth, love, and attention. But finding my comfort with being more physically affectionate (while still being mindful of the self-preservation that males in my field must always keep in the back of their minds) will give me one more tool in my teacher’s tool box.
But I’m wildly affectionate with Mayonnaise. Every now and then I try to put his whole head in my mouth because I literally want to consume him I love him that much.
I don’t recommend doing that, with your own children and certainly not with anyone else’s.Report
Because our mouths are so small, fathers are unfortunately limited to consuming our children’s hands, feet, and ears. Be sure to get lots of time with the whole hand in the mouth while it’s still small enough. We’re lucky that toesies will always be small enough to munch.Report
His Tic-Tac-Toes (as I call them) are too much. Between the boundless love I feel, my limited impulse control, and a hyposensitivity that sometimes results in me not knowing how hard I’m biting something, I’m genuinely afraid I might just take one off one day.Report
Great post. I’m not a touchy person in general. It took me a long time to warm up to my MIL giving me a hug. However with my boy i quickly got very used to lots of physical affection which was good for me in many ways as a person. Actually before i had my son we had custody of my niece and nephew. Having my 4 year old nephew lay on my lap so he could slowly wake up in the morning was endearing and wonderfulReport