The Limerick/Haiku Thread
Poem forms ancient
galore drive comments to not
be a chore. Just go
and strive to have five
seven five (or drop limer
icks if that’s a bore)
Jaybird
Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com
Eating with one’s wife
but not with other women
makes a poor scandalReport
Pence’s prudences
Confuse the press as much as
Mother and FatherReport
If there were a person I hated
And wanted this shared (but not stated)
I’d be subtle, moreover
I’d not diss flyover
And not make rubes alienatedReport
oh, very nice.Report
The referee yells “after review,
We’re not letting that one go through.”
He flashed some red cards
Then shouted “Five yards!
Step back. That was not a haiku.”Report
Pence’s prudences
The Press make as much sense as
Mother and Father
{I like this one better}Report
Haiku’s are easy
but can be hard to make work
RefrigeratorReport
Refrigerators
can be hard to make work, but
Haiku’s are easy.Report
Haiku’s make hard work
Refrigerators can be
but are easy to(o)Report
Haiku’s make hard
Refrigerators too easy
but work can freezerReport
Refrigerator?
{place holder for seven ‘bles}
Hiaku’s freezer burnReport
Refrigerators
easy to work on so true
remember FreonReport
“Remember Freon!”
Like the Charge of the Brigade,
Charge your compressorReport
There was once a man named Fantastic
His dick was quite elastic
It went here and there
It went everywhere
Until he buggered a spasticReport
I once had a favorite web site,
It offered political insights,
But woe was the day
Friend Jaybird did say
“Let all sorts of your doggerel take flight.”Report
The press thinks that Trump’s lost the thread
And that chaos is running ahead,
So they talk to themselves
About narratives he should shelve,
While Trump tweets to his followers instead.Report
Journos should be skilled
If they can’t be essential
Lest they be ignoredReport
Essential fake news
Narrative alternative
Hacking a new truthReport
The Left cries from months of dejection
And wand’ring without introspection
Trump’s tweets do distract
Makes them ignore the fact
That Bern would have won the electionReport
The DNC’s eye was a glintin’
When they nominated that dues payer Clinton
“It was her turn!”
Then along came the Bern
And we ended up with Trump.Report
He said “feel the Bern”
She seemed with no need to learn
a false sewing upReport
Mr. Donald J. Trump
The policies of Obama did dump.
If his own seem a little bit mushy,
its because he out chasing kittens.
I give you, the Clerihew
A clerihew (pronunciation: /?kl?r?hju?/) is a whimsical, four-line biographical poem invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley. The first line is the name of the poem’s subject, usually a famous person put in an absurd light, or revealing something unknown and/or spurious about them. The rhyme scheme is AABB, and the rhymes are often forced. The line length and metre are irregular. Bentley invented the clerihew in school and then popularized it in books. One of his best known is this (1905):
Sir Christopher Wren
Said, “I am going to dine with some men.
If anyone calls
Say I am designing St. Paul’s.”Report
I scratched my bald head
As I sought the second ‘B’.
Oh jeez. There it is.Report
After some research,
I found there are no true rhymes
For the thing Trump grabs.Report
Vice President Pence
acts with common sense
and even if you doubt it
he wouldn’t tell Billy Bush about it.Report
Well done.Report
Marchmaine
is kind of a pain –
like we didn’t have enough to do
with limericks and haiku?Report
Close, the second couplet should reveal something about the subject.
Marchmaine
is more mad than sane.
To parties alive with limericks and haiku
he brings a clerihew.Report
Former Speaker Newt
wanted a career reboot
but he talked to Trump as an equal
so he lost again in the sequel.Report
Bashar al-Assad
is less of a man than his dad.
He hides behind Russia, afraid for his life,
in exchange he lets Putin have sex with his wife.Report
A scandal can be driven by the loonyes
Hopped up on the stinck of impugn-ness
But the tip of the crapper
Or so says Jake Tapper
Is when a Chairmen acts like a bufoonyes.
No! “like David Nunes”. Sorry!Report
Here is a story
That confirms all your priors
Ha ha! April Fool’s!Report
Excellent. The three traits of classical haiku are the syllable pattern, a reference to the season, and a twist. You got all three.Report
There are many rules
For both haiku and lim’ricks.
Cherry blossoms fall.Report
Japanese haiku
Should be in Japanese words
man, it’s cold outsideReport
Break the haiku rules
and remember Pearl Harbor!
(still, it’s kinda cold)Report
Don’t forget the kireji. I guess Jay’s “Ha ha!” might count? I don’t know if there a list of approved kireji for English. The syllable count isn’t actually a hard rule.Report
“Let it all hang out!”
“Rules are for squares!” said hippies
They left a wasteland.Report
An orange-haired asshole named Don
For advisers relies on his spawn
He treats women like whores
And grabs pussy galore
As his fans all applaud his long con.Report
There once were some Ord’nary Gents
who were ’fraid that their name gave offense
so they pled to their crimes
and they got with the Times,
Now their URL doesn’t make sense!Report
The winner.Report
If #BlackLivesMatter
and you want to make a stand,
Then drink some PepsiReport
Definitely not fanta.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/coca-cola-pulls-nazi-fanta-ad-online-backlash-article-1.2136284Report
(Apologies to whomever I stole this joke from)
Coca-Cola Ad:
Show Peace March hit with fire hose
Fade out: “Dasani”Report
Germany shouldn’t
celebrate seventy-five
years of anything.Report
History repeats
The first time as tragedy
The second as farceReport
After having a good-natured jeer
At Pepsi’s worst move of the year
We all shared a good “ha”
at their corporate faux pas
United: “Hey wait. Hold my beer.”Report
United Airlines Inc
From the Pepsi can would not drink.
“The Asian guy?” they asked, for approval
A non-volunteering “volunteer’s” forced removal.Report