Who is the Greatest Drunk Of All Time (In An Objective Sense)?
There can be one and only one answer to this. And it is … (drum-roll) … Andre the Giant. From the linked article:
First, consider the number 7,000. It’s an important number, and a rather scary one considering its context, which is this—it has been estimated that Andre the Giant drank 7,000 calories worth of booze every day. The figure doesn’t include food. Just booze.
7,000 calories.
Every day.
[…]
You won’t find it in the Guinness Book of World Records, but Andre the Giant holds the world record for the largest number of beers consumed in a single sitting. These were standard 12-ounce bottles of beer, nothing fancy, but during a six-hour period Andre drank 119 of them. It was one of the few times Andre got drunk enough to pass out, which he did in a hallway at his hotel. His companions, quite drunk themselves, couldn’t move the big man. Fearing trouble with cops, they stole a piano cover from the lounge and draped it over Andre’s inert form. He slept peacefully until morning, unmolested by anyone. Perhaps the hotel people thought he was a piece of furniture.
Think about it: 119 beers in six hours. That’s a beer every three minutes, non stop. That’s beyond epic. It’s beyond the ken of mortal men. It’s god-like.
And if you don’t believe what was quoted above, embedded below is a video of eyewitness testimony.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Kwyb65J_d4&w=420&h=315]
I don’t know if all the accounts are accurate, but everything I’ve ever read about the man just makes him seem like the coolest. He was in constant pain from his disease, nothing made in this world could accommodate him properly, and he was, essentially, a “freak” who would inevitably die young and knew it.
And instead of getting mean and bitter and depressed and lonely about that, he appears to have lived every single day having as much fun as he possibly could.Report
My favorite Andre the Giant story: (Lifted from TV Tropes. (Warning, link to TV Tropes.))
In the Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD, Andre’s former manager Bobby Heenan tells a story of how Andre taught the Ultimate Warrior a lesson in respect: apparently, during a spot in a series of matches where Warrior would clothesline Andre into the ropes (where he’d get tangled up), Warrior was hitting Andre waaaay harder than he had to. Heenan noticed his wrestler getting grumpier and grumpier as the matches went on, yet Warrior was hitting him harder and harder each time. Finally, during a match where Warrior went for the clothesline, instead of taking the clothesline like planned…Andre simply held up his gigantic fist for Warrior to crash his face into at full speed. Warrior goes crashing to the ropes, the force of the punch (according to Heenan) hard enough to crack Warrior’s face paint. That isn’t the funny part. The funny part is, after it’s all said and done, Andre turned to Heenan and said: “He’s learning.”Report
My favorite Andre the Giant story is about his going out to dinner with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold excused himself to go to the bathroom, but actually looked for the waiter to pay the check. (Subterfuge was required for this when Andre was around.) As Arnold reached for his wallet, he felt himself being lifted off the ground, as if he were a small child, or a Pekinese, and them turned around to face an adamant giant, who thundered at him “When I take you to dinner, I pay!”Report
Apparently Samuel Beckett was a neighbour and friend of Andre’s family, and used to drive Andre to school – Andre couldn’t sit comfortably in the school bus seats, and while Andre’s family couldn’t afford a car, Beckett had a truck.Report
“Why did you miss school yesterday, Andre?”
“Mr. Beckett said he’d drive me, but we spent all day waiting for this guy who never showed up.”Report
My favorite photo is the look on Hulk Hogan’s face at the moment when he’s supposed to pick up and slam Andre. It’s something along the lines of “oh god, I hope he’s still ok with this”Report
Well, if a mere fraction of the things Churchill is said to have said while drunk are true… I’d have to nominate him for objectively keeping more wits about him than most have sober.Report
I read something, somewhere, about people whose brains actually perform better/more efficiently under the influence of alcohol – essentially, these people’s brains need (or can best utilize) the extra “fuel”.
It was speculated that many writers, and Churchill, may have fallen into this category.Report
Also Dr. Johnny Fever.Report
booger.Report
Those phone cops play hardball.Report
I know a writer like that. He also codes better while drunk (yes, let’s write self-modifying code while drunk — that’ll end well. Wake up and you don’t know where the code is, anymore.)Report