Yeah, so I am basically Indiana Jones.

Tod Kelly

Tod is a writer from the Pacific Northwest. He is also serves as Executive Producer and host of both the 7 Deadly Sins Show at Portland's historic Mission Theatre and 7DS: Pants On Fire! at the White Eagle Hotel & Saloon. He is  a regular inactive for Marie Claire International and the Daily Beast, and is currently writing a book on the sudden rise of exorcisms in the United States. Follow him on Twitter.

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29 Responses

  1. Mike Schilling says:

    “Don’t ever go off on your own like that again! It was a good thing I met that nice man that found you.”

    “I don’t know how nice he was, mom. The whole time he was taking us to meet you, he kept “adjusting” his pants.”Report

  2. Burt Likko says:

    1. You’ve lost 25 pounds? Holy fish, that’s awesome! No, wait. It’s not just awesome, it’s space awesome!

    2. Seriously, dude. Belts. No one wants to see what’s under your shorts. I say this as a friend, from a place of love.

    3. The difference between a hero and a fool is success. The difference between a hero and a creep is determined by your state’s anti-stalking statute.Report

  3. Road Scholar says:

    One word: suspenders.

    You can accessorize with lederhosen and one of those cute little hats with the feather and you’re all set.

    You’re welcome.Report

  4. Murali says:

    All hail our TodReport

  5. James Hanley says:

    Thank you, Tod. I’ve been worried about my children having to face the robot revolution. Now I’ll be able to sleep at night again.

    As a payback, might I suggest a khaki web belt. Those look ok with khaki shorts bevause they’re also casual. And they’re a bit militaryish, so there’s not much nerd factor.Report

  6. LeeEsq says:

    If you were really Indiana Jones you would have found an artifact of unspeakable supernatural powers that would provide clean energy for Oregon. ;).

    Congratulations on your emergent hero status. I suspect the block buster would come soon.Report

  7. zic says:

    My sweetie and I had a similar conversation last weekend, sans saving the world. I’d gone out to photograph the supermoon, he decided to tag along. I don’t like to carry a heavy tripod with me, so night shots are either hand held (which rarely works) or more often taken with the camera resting on something that allows me to crop the shot and manual shutter release with a 1-second delay. So I carefully set this shot up of the full moon between trees, power lines, and the roof of a house; it takes a couple of minutes to do this, and then shoot enough shots that I feel confident a few will capture what I’d been looking for.

    As I finished, a family walked by, through the street light, also looking at the rising moon. I asked the little girl if I could take her photo, and proceeded to do so.

    As we walked away from the spot, my Sweetie says, “I can’t do that.”

    “What,” I ask, “take pictures of the full moon?” thinking it’s because the camera on his smart phone isn’t good enough.

    “Point my camera at peoples’ houses and take a bunch of pictures, take pictures of little girls.”


    “People would think I’m a stalker, think it’s creepy.”

    We had a long talk about what photographers actually do, and how they have to get over this urge that they’re invading people’s privacy, how it’s important to photography people (and things) respectfully.

    But yes, this hero/creep discord is difficult for men. Question is, why?Report

    • Murali in reply to zic says:

      Same reason that women can smile and casually talk to some else’s kids and come across as friendly while a guy who does the same is a possible kidnapper or dangerous pervert (or at least perceived as one)Report

    • James Hanley in reply to zic says:

      Question is, why

      Heh, we’re told all the time that women are the nurturers, and warned about how creepy dangerous men are. And there’s some reason for that latter part (I say, as the parent of three young women), but it’s such a pervasive cultural subtext that of course men who get involved in any way except stereotypical masculine hero actions like rushing into burning buildings or lifting heavy objects off people run the risk of being perceived as creepy.Report

      • Doctor Jay in reply to James Hanley says:

        There are a lot of children in my life, many of them who are other people’s children. It’s worst with total strangers. Once people see you for a while, they will tend to relax and thing, “Oh, it’s Jay!” rather than “What a weirdo!” if you talk to their children.

        But it’s like making friends with a cat. You have to let them set the pace.Report

      • Mad Rocket Scientist in reply to James Hanley says:

        I hate this part of our culture. Truly I do, although I will say it is very much a middle & upper class white thing.Report

      • veronica d in reply to James Hanley says:

        I’ll chime in as the official forum ranting feminist ( @zic is the official non-ranting feminist) — but anyway, yeah, I totally agree. This sucks for men and is both 1) completely unfair and 2) bad for kids, since it cuts in half the nurturing people children will encounter in public. It diminishes our lives.

        As I alluded to in one of the Mike Brown threads, last week I ended up helping a young, mentally ill woman who was having a crisis involving her mom. It’s a long story, but the short version is, I called the police and then held her hand until the police and paramedics arrived. She kept vocally saying she loved me and wanted to stay with me forever so I could protect her. (I had only just met her, when she grabbed my hand on the street and begged for help.)

        As a women, I faced no suspicion from the police, nor from the paramedics, nor from the neighbors who came out to gawk. As a man, it would have been different.

        I don’t know how to fix this.Report

    • Doctor Jay in reply to zic says:

      Freud (and many others) described a behavioral dichotomy as aggression v. affiliation. It is my opinion that we have culturally assigned aggression as masculine behavior and affiliation as feminine behavior. Stuff like this is the consequence.

      In baldly stereotyped terms: men are killers, women are nurturers.Report

  8. ScarletNumbers says:

    Three helpful guidelines to avoid the alternate scenario:

    1) Be handsome
    2) Be attractive
    3) Don’t be unattractiveReport

  9. Miss Mary says:

    I’m calling you next time I get lost in Forest Park.

    I’m glad the boys are okay! That was very nice of you to help look for them. I’d just die if my son were lost. Congrats on the weight you lost!Report

  10. Damon says:

    Nice work Tod, both on the weight and the kid finding.

    I faced a similiar problem when I’d lost about the same amout of weight. I’d not gotten new pants, and while standing at the airport, I sneezed. The pants ALMOST fell down completely, only catching on my rear end. I went out and bought new jeans the day after I got back home.

    And just how old were these kids? Didn’t they have a trail map? Didn’t they have have a designated meeting up point? Didn’t they have cell phones? Were they prepared, in any way, if they got lost?Report

  11. Chris says:

    Kids these days, with their pants down around their knees.Report

  12. If you’re using the phrase “short pants”, you’ve already turned into your father.Report