So I had a long post all written out, and I don’t know, maybe I will rework it someday. It has been an emotionally wrenching day today and I am spent in the good way, where everything just seeps out of you and you feel the stillness inside. As my favorie poet and the loveliest woman I have ever known have both said– I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone.
There are times when this project, in the larger sense, the project of hearing and being heard, overwhelms me entirely and I can’t imagine even pressing the off button. Helen is wise to speak of abysses, but I have the only counter that has ever meant anything to me at all: I can make no change on earth, but I can change myself, and as there are no gods or genetics or ideologies or sciences that govern me, I can exemplify the change I cannot make. My politics is a sad failure but my life is a symbol of what I take life to be. That’s enough. And while it’s true that I was born in fear of death and I live in fear of death and that I will die in terror, this is also true: I know in my heart, today, that I will never die.
A day off, tomorrow, for George and Abe. Work to be done. I advance as long as forever is.
