Morning Ed: Society {2017.05.10.W}

veronica d in reply to Damon says:

You can definitely have trouble for “eying” someone, which is rather different from brief eye contact followed by a smile or nod (depending). Certainly I’ve gotten in trouble for the former, mostly during my first few months riding mass transit in Boston, which was at the time very unfamiliar to me.

The microaggression aspect is probably real, which is to say, I can sense the ways I get treated slightly different from cis women, just so many little things. It adds up to a feeling of alienation.

Well, at least it used to. These days — I kinda don’t fucking care, because I kinda fucking gave up on fitting in. Trying to fit in was emotionally draining. I simply quit.

Eye contact, along with the corresponding body language cues, are a basic part of how we acknowledge strangers. It’s subtle. You’re probably not really aware of the specific mechanics, particularly if you are neurotypical and perform this stuff unconsciously.

That said, have you ever been to a party where a conversational group has formed, and where you are interested in joining the group, but nevertheless you feel excluded? Now, I’m not talking about when you are explicitly excluded, where they say, “Hey so and so, go away!” Instead, I’m talking about where people somehow arrange their bodies and focus so that you cannot easily get anyone’s attention without being outright rude. This experience is common, right?

That said, can you name the specific body language and so forth that causes this? Moreover, from the other direction, can you be sure you are always aware if you are doing it to others? When you do it, do you always intend to do it?

On a crowded subway car, everyone pretty much ignores each other, which is probably best. We mostly all want to get where we’re going with zero fistfights or homicides. However, in other social settings, if you give “open” body language and expression to other white people, but are “closed off” from black people, then some black people will notice. They perhaps cannot articulate what is happening, any more than you can. But they will feel it. You, however, will likely be oblivious. You are simply “acting naturally.” The white people in the room mostly “gel,” whereas black people have to deal with the choice between “sucking it up” or “saying something.” Both are shitty options.

For the white people reading this, do you do this? Are you sure? How would you know?

Honestly, you probably do, at least in some contexts. Does that make you a “racist”?

Well, there is system 1 versus system 2 thinking. Even if you do not want to be racist, are you so sure your system 1 always matches your expressed values?

Microaggressions are normal. You probably do them. You probably don’t notice. You should want to do them less. However, noticing and correcting flaws in your system 1 thinking takes active cognitive effort. Are you willing to make that effort?

So it goes.

Neurodiverse people are an additional complication. Our “system 1” social circuits are wonky, so we’re going to make people feel uncomfortable regardless of race. Which sucks for us and sucks for everyone and fuckitall. That’s life if you have a weird brain.Report