Oh Pooh Thunderlips Express stops for Bear on the Track!!!
The Express ran out of gas this week with every single player scoring below their projections and two scoring less than a third of their projections. Even Team Pooh Bear did not get much production and one player scored zero points. All this added up the the Weak and Reek of the Week from these two lackluster teams. Our reporter Tu Nosi talked with coach Dman after this loss.
Tu: Wow, brutal defeat coach.
Dman: I do not know what to say. It was a pathetic performance.
Tu: True, but you missed big on the one player you had that scored more than their projected points. That could have given you the win.
Dman: Great Tuesday evening quarterbacking, Tu!
Tu: Just stating the facts.
Dman: Yeah, after it happens.
Tu: No need to take the loss out on me coach.
Peak and Freak of the Week
The Warriors threw sided Partisan bickering this week and had all but one player score above their projections. Add to this the Dragons keeping RG3 in their lineup and it spelled disaster for the team from DownSouth.
Streak of the Week
For the second week in a row, the Analysts defied predictions and score well above their projected points total. It was also the second week in a row that they scored 130+ points. They were lead by the Holy Cow Trinity of Murray, Ryan, and Andre Brown. While the Levellers levelled off with four players above, four players below, and one player meeting projections. Tu caught up with coach Jaybird after the game.
Tu: Another solid win coach. Two weeks of 130+ is not easy to do.
Jaybird: Apparently, all you have to do is be willing to injure your players to the point where you’ve got a probable, five questionables, and an out.
Tu: Ouch. And it’s early in the season yet.
Jaybird: No kidding! It looks like everybody has between 2 and 7 players with a little red word on his line. 6 of the 8 have 4 or more! A ton of “probables”, a lot of “questionables”, and a surprising number of “outs”. Before a single week 4 game has been played!
Tu: Trying to set the groundwork for next week where you explain why you lost, coach?
Jaybird: Is it that transparent?
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The Week in Review would like to say that we are very happy with the change from the Oracle to Nostradamus. So far he has been much more accurate and we hope to see it continue. He somehow knew that Marshall, McCoy, Davis, and Crosby would flop enough to make up for the Lucky days of Andrew and Maclin.
Remember dear reader that the records listed below are the number of wins and losses still needed for Nostradamus to be proven right.
ContumeliousAnalysts: 8-3
Team Pooh Bear: 7-3-1 AKA: The Anointed Ones
Thunderlips Express: 6-3-2
Waynesport Wildcats: 7-3-1
Partisan Warrior’s: 5-6
DownSouth Dragons: 6-5
The Levellers: 1-10
Brian’s Best Team: 2-9
What we ought to do instead of having fantasy football is draft an NFL “dead pool” — players who will not be able to play after next week’s game, for whatever reason. Who will suffer a season-ending injury this week? Who will get caught on videotape beating up his girlfriend? Who will flunk a drug test?
I’m going to go open up with an all-Polish trio: Rob Gronkowski, Sebastian Janikowski, and Bruce Gradowski.Report
I will take Antonio Gates, Alfred Morris and the dark horse Wes Welker (I know he is on bye, bye he will most likely sneeze hard enough to give himself a concussion).Report
Don’t worry. I’m largely screwed this week, I think.Report