Decipher This Poopy Sign! [Updated]
UPDATE: Everyone seems to agree that this sign was put up by a frustrated property owner whose lawn is being inundated with pooping dogs. I should have noted in the OP that the property is actually surrounded by a high chain link fence, that not only wraps around the entire property (including driveway), goes all the way to the street. So if there are any dogs pooping on the guys lawn, he owns them.
So, one of the things I’m trying in my ever-futile but on-going quest to be a middle-aged, balding hottie is walking at least five miles on weekdays while I’m working — essentially, getting up every couple of hours and walking a mile or two throughout the day.
This past week I came upon the above sign.
The sign as about 4 foot by 3 foot. It sits in the front yard of a home about a mile away from my house, on a street that is almost entirely blocked off to outside traffic. I have never seen the people who live there. But now everyday when I pass it, I wonder at what it might mean. If the picture isn’t so clear on your screen, here is the transcription:
NO POOPS
BUY A POOP TRAP
I CALL TO POLICE
Act like you have some
EDUCATION!
I love this sign so much. Partially for its odd plural use of “poops,” partially for having some form of the word “poop” multiple times, and partially because following up a note to your neighbors that “I call to police” with a hectoring slight about people needing to be better educated makes me smile each time I see it.
But what in Dog’s name does it mean?
Please put your best guess as to what this sign is trying to communicate, and well as your story for why the owners wanted it to be said so badly that they went to the trouble to have it professionally printed and laminated.
I will declare a winner by the weekend, and he or she will have poopy bragging rights for some time to come.
To your keyboards!
My guess:
The sign is attempting to communicate the property owner’s request that passing canines not defecate on or around their property. It suggests that owners of said canines purchase a device for removing deposited feces, implying that such a device be used should the canine in question defecate within the designated zone. It then states an intention to contact local law enforcement officers, implicitly threatening anyone who fails to head the preceding injunctions with criminal prosecution. Finally, it implores the reader to adhere to the social behavioral patterns instilled in them by their attendance at educational institutions, or to at least behave as if they were.Report
Yeah that’s it. Also they have a really nifty set of markers in many colors and excellent had writing.Report
And non-native English speakers.Report
Quite possibly 1st century Romans by the grammar…one would definitely call to the police.Report
(Not entering the contest) “I call to police” is some kind of expression of existential futility. In Portland, you can get hit by a car and police won’t even bother with a report unless your injuries require a visit to the hospital. “I call to police”…and stare into the void.
Now if the beleaguered poopy property owner could convince Portland police that the pooper is a human experiencing homelessness or perhaps a dog belonging to someone unhoused, Portland Police Chief Mike Reese would have a S.W.A.T. team assembled within hours, armed with tasers and rubber bullets, which the officers would eschew for real bullets, likely killing the purported pooper or anyone who they happened to think might not have a house. That’s how they do it in Portland.Report
We don’t need no education.
We don’t need no poop control.
Report
All in all it was just a crap on the lawn.Report
Umm, really?
The owner is tired of dogs shitting on his lawn.
English is not his first language.
/threadReport
At the risk of agreeing with @scarletnumbers , am I a total killjoy if I’m a little uncomfortable with what feels like mocking someone who likely does not speak English as his first language?
English as a non-primary language =/= uneducated.Report
I might have written such a sign, and I do speak english as a first language.
Colorful diction that’s still comprehensible (as this is) ain’t no crime.Report
@kazzy
Welcome aboard. We have pie.
Seriously though, why are you ignoring my question about New York Renaissance Faire?Report
He answered you here: https://ordinary-times.com/blog/2014/08/01/weekend-54#comment-900241Report
Whoops. Sorry about that @kazzy
Anyway I think its funny that the event is set up more for tourists than locals.
Thanks for the heads up.Report
Perhaps if he had said:
No poops
Poops and I shoots
Act like U have educations
No poops, I shootsReport
I’ll update the post, but since everyone is saying that the answer is obviously that dogs are pooping on this guys lawn, this does not appear to be the case.
In a neighborhood without much in the way of fences, this house is surrounded by a four foot chain link fence that wraps around the property line, and goes all the way to the street.
If there are dogs pooping on this person’s lawn, they would be dogs owned by this person.Report
Couple questions @tod-kelly is this the only house with a chain link fence? Is this a neighborhood that is pretty white/middle class?
I am kinda thinking that this is someone who has been in the neighborhood for a while, is slightly different, a bit of a jerk to kids by American standards, foreign and when he put up a fence to stop people from letting their dog crap on his lawn local kids took it upon themselves to throw poop over the fence.
Its funny. Its not so funny.Report
Hmmm… so now I’m thinking that the poops in question were flung over the fence. Possibly in paper sacks. Possibly on fire.
I’m also thinking maybe he’s the neighborhood asshole and maybe he kinda deserved it.Report
and
I have recently been amazed to discover the tininess of a crack in fencing that my forty-five-pound quasi-terrier-ish mutthound is able to squeeze through in an amazingly short amount of time, and the insistence with which she insists on squeezing through it and back. This dog is somehow able to reduce her width to less than four inches across to go sniff at some mud in the garden on the side of our house. You may notice that the dog was a little bit… rotund for her size when I took the picture and I assure you it’s only gotten worse since then — because she sneaks into our vegetable garden to gorge herself on potting soil (as well as other disgusting things) when she’s feeling peckish. When she gets it into her head to go eat dirt, it’s as though gravity draws her to the place she wants to go; all the calling-over, grabbing-by-the-scruff, shouting and other verbal instruction, is for naught because the moment a human’s attention is taken away from her she runs back to the gate to squeeze herself through, only faster this time so she can get away with it, her tail wagging with enjoyment of the game.
Which is to say that it seems entirely plausible to me that the owner of this sign may well be finding dog poops that originated from a dog not his own, a dog who is sneaking in through an as-yet unnoticed flaw in the frustrated neighbor’s fence. And the dog may be getting in to the neighbor’s lawn strictly to poop there because for whatever reason, he likes pooping there as opposed to his own yard.
And, yeah, as others have said, it’s apparent that English is not his first language.Report
(I’d much rather share amusing anecdotes about dogs than return to the mental place where news stories about Ferguson, Missouri send me.)Report
Re the third line… I’ll note that “police” can also be a verb, as in “Police your dog” meaning making sure they poop where they’re supposed to, and then clean up after them. Still suggestive of English not being a first language, but “I call [on you] to police [your dogs]” is somewhat in keeping with the other lines.Report
I should add that I have seen people walking through my neighborhood restrain their dog from pooping on the grass, insisting instead that they poop on the sidewalk, but still walking away and leaving the mess for the homeowner to clean up. I vote for “If your dog poops on my sidewalk, clean it up.”Report
What is a poop trap? A pooper scooper?
At least it’s a colorful sign.
My guess? The owner lost a bar bet, and the sign was his pay-up.Report
When you lose a real bet, you show up to interview at burger king in a $7,000 suit (that subsequent to the interview, won’t stop smelling of french fries) [maybe he was unclear about being incognito? Maybe he thought that was incognito?].
http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2014-07-24/burger-kings-ceo-daniel-schwartz-is-33-years-oldReport