“Is writing really what you should be doing?”
I heard those words during lunch on a wonderful spring day. I was having a lunch time meeting with my supervisor. It was my yearly review and things weren’t going well.
“Is writing really what you should be doing?” Those words cut me to the heart. I had loved writing since I was eleven. I could remember writing stories as a kid. When blogging became a thing, I dove right in and enjoyed the back and forth I got from the comments section. Writing along with other communication skills have long been my passion.
The supervisor’s words were shocking, but they shouldn’t have been. It was not the first time my writing was found wanting. Sometime over the last 25-30 years, I’ve heard someone say something that said that I wasn’t a good writer, and it was said in the most emotionally damaging way.
Maybe being told your writing isn’t good or that your writing is rejected by a magazine and having it happen over and over is a sign that I’m not a good writer after all. I hear it enough to wonder if it’s really true. You internalize the negative messages people tell you. But I also know there are experiences where people thought my writing was “thoughtful.” I take a look at my writing again and sometimes think to myself, “damn, I really am good.”
I know that as much as I love writing, it has always been a struggle for me. But I don’t think it really affects my quality. So why am I not farther along when it comes to writing? Does it have anything to do with being African American?
I’ve had experiences that I know do turn on race. But I don’t want to believe that every experience is racial. My mother tends to believe that most of the bad encounters I’ve had are racial in nature. I’m not so sure. But “writing while black” is always in the back of my mind.
Writing in the Los Angeles Review of Books, African American writer Laura Warrell shares her struggles of being a Black writer. “To write as a Black person in America is to sustain a barrage of gut punches from a community and industry that don’t do a great job transcending the larger inequities of the culture surrounding them,” she says in words that I can relate with. “Writing is difficult and publishing hellish, but the path for Black writers is laden with unique indignities.”
Even with all the negativity thrown my way, I keep writing. There are moments when I wonder if I need to write differently. I’ve noticed other writers and see how they can turn a phrase and get noticed. It’s something to think about, but writing style is as unique as you are. I’ve tried writing in a different way, and it hasn’t worked. This isn’t an excuse to not trying to write better, I’ve worked to be a better writer. How I write is my personality.
My writing style is who I am.
Some days I’d like to hear more positive words from others. I liked to be told how I can be a better writer instead of just telling me no.
Either way, I’m going to keep writing. Maybe I’ll never have my writing appear in a major publication. Maybe others whose writing isn’t as good will move ahead of me. I’ll still write. Is it fair? No. Am I frustrated? Yes. Maybe I will do other things that aren’t writing-related. But I will still write because it is a way to express myself. It is a part of who I am, and I won’t let those who have criticized me to make me give up writing.
“Is writing really what you should be doing?” Yes, it is.
If you’re writing because you want to, screw the opinions of others. If you’re trying to make it financially writing, that may be another issue. But if you’re doing it because you’re passionate about it, that’s all you need….to satisfy your soul. Somewhat related: I was having a convo with a person at the gym-he was unsatisfied with how he was rolling on the mat. I said “everyone advances at their own pace, there is nothing to be worried about. You’ll make blue belt in due time if you keep at it.
Keep at it Dennis. Do it for you. In the end, that’s all that matters.Report
Damn straight.
The most satisfying thing in the world is figuring out how I want to phrase a particular insight. Making sure the “not” is in front of the proper word. Getting the *PERFECT* adjective and then rewriting the phrase and saying “you know what, I should take the adjective out.”
Keep on keepin’ on. And those people who ask if you should really be writing? Forget them. Not a single one of them understands.Report
Well, maybe not the most satisfying thing in the world.
But it pushes back bad stuff for a while.Report
Ditto to Jaybird and Damon. And ditto to this:
I’ve occasionally been unkind to others about their writing. When I am, it’s almost always because I don’t like them. Therefore, it’s a personal attack (by me) that’s more about me than their writing.
Speaking only for myself, writing for the public* is really, really hard. And it’s personal. I usually have a thrill as I compose something and then hit “submit.” But then I worry about…..being out there. It’s a strange feeling. It’s not primarily that I’m worried about what others will think or how they’ll respond (although I do). It’s also just a sense of vulnerability.
At any rate, keep on writing. I really appreciate your contributions here.
*By that I mean “writing for blogs that unlike my personal blog, have an audience and comment culture.” I’ve written some very short things, like encyclopedia entries or book reviews for academic journals, and the whole thing works out differently. It’s still hard (for me), but hard in a different way. And not nearly as fun.Report
Please do keep writing Dennis! You are good at it and we need you!Report
Keep up the good work Dennis. Your writing style is just fine. I always like to read your stuff.Report
You’re good; keep writing. If you love the process, that’s what matters most. Love the piece!Report
Yes, please. When a Dennis Sanders post shows up, I read it. I don’t always agree with you — in fact, I may disagree more often than I agree — but you always make me think about why I disagree.Report
Back when I was EIC, I remember something I wrote to you behind the scenes, which I wrote to a lot of people behind the scenes. I stand by this advice, for you, for everyone else I gave the advice to, for myself, and for anyone else interested in the quality of their writing.
Write what the Muse sings to you.
If you do that, you aren’t going to go wrong. Some people might not like it, but that’s their problem. Maybe it won’t sell to a magazine, which is only a problem if you’re looking to support yourself financially with your words. Readers of good faith will recognize the Muse’s handiwork through your words and love you for giving us the result.
Dennis Sanders has ALWAYS written what the Muse has sung to him. And I love reading Dennis Sanders as a result. As you can see, I’m not the only one.Report