Much Ado About Nothing In Hudson, Ohio

My God, child porn being distributed in a high school class! I am appalled, and join in the call for the immediate arrest and detainment of those who have perpetrated this disgusting crime against these children.

I absolutely would mean every word of the above, had child porn been distributed to a high school class, as suggested by some clickbait I found on Twitter. Thankfully, I read the article and saved myself some angst. Despite the assertions of the mayor of Hudson, Ohio, that did not occur in this case.

The story circulated shows the mayor sauntering into the school board meeting where he then forcefully demanded the resignation of all five members of the board, under threat of criminal charges.

“It has come to my attention that your educators are distributing essentially what is child pornography in the classroom. I’ve spoken to a judge this evening. She’s already confirmed that. So, I’m going to give you a simple choice: You either choose to resign from this board of education or you will be charged.”

So, before I describe the “child porn”, let’s think for a minute. Assume that Mayor Craig Shubert sincerely believes that the school board permitted child sexual abuse material¹ to be handed out to teenagers in class. Further assume that a real, actual judge affirmed that the material in question was “child porn”. Do we really believe that those responsible  would be offered the choice to resign and avoid charges?

Of course they wouldn’t. Not if it was actual child sex abuse material. So, what was it?

The offending material was included in a book of writing prompts called “642 Things to Write About.” The passages that enraged parents and the mayor suggested writing “a sex scene you wouldn’t want your mom to read”, and “rewriting that same scene in a way you would let your mom read.”² Another suggested “drink a beer and write about its taste.” Admittedly, these are not appropriate topics for high schoolers to be asked to write about.

But here’s the thing: they weren’t. The offensive prompts were never assigned by the teacher. And here’s the other thing: this was not a high school class.

Yes, the students were high school seniors, but the class was a college-level course called “Writing in the Liberal Arts II”, for college credit. High school seniors, excluding the occasional prodigy, are at least 17 or 18 years old. It seems odd to expect G-rated materials for a class intended for legal adults. This isn’t college algebra; it’s a class about writing, In the liberal arts. If you don’t want your child exposed to themes above their grade level, you may not want to go ahead and put them in college classes (you do your child a disservice in not doing so, in my opinion, but that’s another essay.)

The principal of the school offered an apology, nonetheless:

We feel terrible. At no time were any of these inappropriate prompts selected or discussed, but still they were there and they were viewable, and you can’t unsee them.

Oh, come on.

Since none of the offensive prompts were ever assigned to any student, the mob seems upset because the students were merely given a textbook containing these risqué ideas. Why? Are we pretending that these are little children who didn’t even know what S-E-X meant until they saw this blurb in a textbook? Or that they aren’t writing sex scenes in their own minds on a daily basis at this point in their lives?

Perhaps good judgment would dictate a more thorough review of the materials before offering the course to high schoolers to avoid this sort of outrage. But the college curriculum would likely not have been altered to accommodate them, so the result would probably have been that the students lost access to the higher-level course. Until the very next year, of course, when they could enroll as a college freshman and take this and any other class they chose, anyway.

The furious parents, the grandstanding mayor (whose claim of having spoken to an actual judge about this I find tremendously dubious), and the online commenters calling for the heads of these “pedo teachers” are all engaged in some serious performative outrage.

Were they rending their pearls from their very necks when their kids were reading Hamlet?

Hamlet: Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Ophelia: No, my lord.

Hamlet: I mean, my head upon your lap?

Ophelia: Ay, my lord.

Hamlet: Did you think I meant country matters?

Ophelia: I think nothing, my lord.

Hamlet: That’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs.

What about Romeo and Juliet? Romeo is about 16 years old, remember, and Juliet 13:

“Now he will sit under a medlar tree

And wish his Mistress were that kind of fruit

As maids call medlars when they laugh alone.

O Romeo, that she were! Oh that she were

An open arse, and thou a poperin pear.

You can google… but suffice to say the two fruits mentioned bear a resemblance to certain body parts.

I could go on, and it’s not just Shakespeare. I mean, I was forced to slog through “Grapes of Wrath” when I was a senior, and that book ended with Rose of Sharon’s breast in an old man’s mouth. Would the mayor of Hudson, Ohio call for the resignation of those like my high school English teachers, who exposed me to this highly offensive sexual material?

Maybe he would, because it makes about as much sense as this “controversy.”

Protecting kids should be one of society’s highest priorities. No one seriously disputes that. As parents, we have a right to know what our children are learning at school and decide whether we want our children exposed to certain materials. But in this case, the students, adults or nearly adults, were not even asked to write about the offending topics; they were merely potentially exposed to the idea.

The outrage would laughable, if not for the number of people applauding the mayor’s ridiculous crusade.

1. “Child porn” as a phrase has fallen out of favor because of its connotation of the victims participating in a performance rather than suffering abuse.
2. Legally, this probably does not amount to the creation of “child porn.” In general, fictional written works involving minors in sexual situations are not illegal (Lolita? Romeo and Juliet?), but for the purposes of this article I won’t delve into the “it’s not really porn” argument, because it goes to gross places.