The Month in Theaters August 2024

Jorge Simonet, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

In the month of August, I managed to see fifteen movies in theaters, with one repeat, as well as fifteen movies otherwise, for a total of twenty-nine reviews. The quality of the theater offerings vacillated wildly, as you shall soon see. I didn’t manage to get to The Forge because it looked awful, and its showtimes for the final weekend of the month just didn’t comport with the final movie I saw. Such is what it is. Small bit of housekeeping: Robot Dreams is technically a 2023 movie, as it was nominated for Best Animated Feature at the last Oscars. It cannot make my best of 2024 list. Why it didn’t get released into theaters until July of this year, I have no idea. I am currently at 104 movies in theaters this year. I should break my record from last year no sweat.

Trap

A fun movie, although the third act really doesn’t go where I wanted it to. That’s when they leave the music venue. The conceit of this story is ridiculous, of course, but the twist M. Night is known for ends up being very minor, although I won’t spoil it here. Josh Hartnett is really damn good. The mid-credits scene is just a joke, but it was fun. The issue is that the writing for the dialogue outside of what Josh Hartnett puts into it is stilted to all Hell. Also, the third act relies heavily on M. Night’s daughter, playing the singer whose concert is the cornerstone of the story. She is not the best actress. The conveniences of the plot add tension but also make you question in what universe the FBI would even attempt such a sting. And the twist I mentioned earlier, while minor, is also very dumb. It exists solely so the conceit of the titular trap can happen. So many conveniences. The movie should have ended within ten minutes of leaving the venue. The movie also technically ends on a cliffhanger, but I don’t see this getting a sequel because I just don’t how you’d do one. Very little juice left to squeeze. Still, this is a B to B+.

The Firing Squad

Possibly the worst movie I’ve seen this year, although a movie later this month and Madame Web are in contention. This is one of those Christian pander films that has little to say and is horrifically written, paced, edited, and acted. Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Kevin Sorbo are the only two actors I know by name, but I think the warden of the prison where a majority of the plot takes place was in something I saw, maybe Next Goal Wins? I don’t care enough to check. F. The lead character, a drug trafficker who gets arrested in a country whose name I forget, is terrible. Such a country where a conviction carries the death penalty, thus, explaining the title of the film. The “come to Jesus” moment (there is technically more than one) is ham-fisted to Hell. This is technically based on a true story, but I hated the movie enough to not care to look it up. Angel Studios this is not. I knew I would hate this movie. I only saw it because I wanted another movie to watch the same day I went to see the next movie.

Harold and the Purple Crayon

Forgettable. I initially gave this a pass, much like at least one other movie this month, but this is a close failure. F. There is an entire segment of this movie in an Ollie’s. I can’t imagine how many department store brands rejected them before they asked Ollie’s. Because I highly doubt it was their first choice. Now, I live in central PA, so Ollie’s is everywhere around here. And I love the overstock action figures they regularly get for bargain basement prices. But Ollie’s, really? The only well-acted performance in this is Jemaine Clement, who plays the “villain.” Some of the actors have put in good work elsewhere but either they took the paycheck and phoned it in, or the material was just that bad. Maybe a bit of both. Why did they cast a manchild instead of a child to play Harold? Search me. Why do his two animal sidekicks become humans in the real world? Even stranger still. The movie is mostly a bore with a plot that doesn’t justify itself. It didn’t need to take place in the real world. How many times do we have to do the “person from a fantastical world finds a portal to NYC” plot? This should have just been an animated movie. In the fantastical setting. Of course.

It Ends with Us

My fiancée wanted to see this a lot more than I did. And so did a bunch of other people. This movie, of all movies, has grossed nearly $300 million worldwide as of this writing. I found it largely forgettable. I saw the trailer so many times in my many jaunts to the movie theater in the lead up to its release. Virtually the entire three act structure of the film is spoiled nearly beat for beat in the trailer. It makes the movie incredibly predictable. The only new parts to the plot are the flashbacks, which are easily the best part of the movie. The rest is mostly just trite Lifetime or Hallmark movie quality acting and writing. This fails, but not my much. I just can’t think of a thing I liked enough to justify this film. F.

Borderlands

Man, this is a lot of failures in a row… I initially thought this movie was a C- or something, but it has to be an F. Mostly because my expectations were in the floor. It isn’t the worst movie this year. At least three other movies beat it on that count. But the movie is horribly miscast. With a bunch of actors phoning it in so damn hard. And why did they hire Eli Roth to do a PG-13 film? Not as weird as the time they hired him to do a children’s book adaptation, which also oddly had Jack Black in it. The movie is thankfully short, so it doesn’t overstay its welcome. I never played the games, but no one is happy with this. Least of all the studio that bankrolled this massive bomb. The action scenes are fine, but due to the lack of blood and other R-rated violence, they have almost no impact. The twist couldn’t be more obvious. And the MacGuffin they’re chasing gets absolutely zero play. We learn truly nothing about what’s actually in the vault they’re all hunting. And this movie is definitely never getting a sequel.

Cuckoo

Finally back to something good… This was much better than it should have been. The ending is incredibly predictable, but I did not foresee much of the middle of this movie. When you find out what’s really going on (about halfway to two thirds through the movie,) you’ll be able to guess the ending, but it is definitely creepy. A- to A. It is not making my top ten of the year list, but it is surely an enjoyable horror movie. It looks like it will not turn a profit, but it’s not like that isn’t true of most Neon films. (Same with A24, too.) A girl and her father’s new family end up moving to some weird resort in the Bavarian alps. And weird things start happening almost immediately. Lots of gaslighting before the big reveal as to what that weirdness truly entails. There’s a minor issue with the lead actress, but I won’t get into the culture war stuff. I wouldn’t have known if someone didn’t tell me. Dan Stevens is the only actor I recognized by name. He puts in the best work outside of the police detective. The lead actress isn’t bad, but the film mostly involves things happening to her. Her character is mostly a jaded pissed off teenager type. They leave the movie open for a sequel that is almost surely never happening.

Alien: Romulus

A good but not amazing Alien movie for once. I have only seen bits and pieces of 3 and 4, completely avoided the Alien vs. Predator films, and have seen the two terrible prequel movies, but nothing was really close to the first two. This one isn’t as good as those, obviously, but it is fun enough. There’s a moment where they “say the thing,” which timeline-wise would have been a call back that has not even happened yet. Out of place, as all such things are. This one takes place between the first two films. There is a cameo by a dead actor in this. Did not realize that until later. I give this an A- to A. Maybe the score falls on a rewatch, but there was little in this to piss me off. Small scale horror thriller with a ramp up like in Aliens somewhere in the latter half of the movie. Worth checking out. There is one very tense scene in particular that feels very fresh for the franchise.

Dìdi

Movie of the month without a doubt. This currently rests at number two for the year so far. Yes, it was that good. A heartwarming and touching coming of age drama about a Taiwanese American boy during the summer before he starts high school but is also semi-autobiographical. So, this takes place in the summer of 2008, with a heavy emphasis on early YouTube, AIM (‘memba that?), and Facebook. I was about to start college at the time. Crazy but fun time in my life. A+. I finally saw a 2024 drama that truly knocked my socks off. I went out of my way to see this, over 30 miles. My local indie theater that was going to show this got flooded by a storm. Still closed for renovations as of this writing. Sucks, man. But I absolutely loved this movie. No one is really talking about this for Oscars, but they should. Sing Sing is getting a lot of talk right now, so we shall see. I do not wish to spoil anything about this. Go in blind and enjoy yourself. It got essentially zero distribution in my area, and no one is talking about it. But don’t let that stop you. Very relatable for my age demographic.

The Crow

Possibly the worst remake I have ever seen, although I strain to think of another terrible one off the top of my head. F. This is easily in the bottom three of all the movies I have seen so far this year. I don’t think it is fully worse than the other two, as there is at least one cool action scene in this. It just absolutely lacks impact because he’s just mowing down nameless suited security guards. Danny Huston is the villain and given basically nothing to do. They add a clearer supernatural element to this story than the original film, especially for the villain. That is badly used and never justified in any way. It also takes quite a long time to Crow. They decide to give us a lot of time pre-death with Eric Draven and his girlfriend, who in this story, only know each other for like a weekend. They’re also pretty awful people, degenerate drug addicts. The buildup adds nothing. Because I don’t feel they truly love each other. If you wanted to make it seem like his love interest wasn’t being fridged, you could have had them know each other for longer. The acting isn’t terrible, but the writing and pacing are both dreadful. And this movie bombed hard. It definitely didn’t look like it cost what it did. Boy Kills World was much better, Pennywise. Stick to those kinds of movies. Maybe be a horror movie villain again. Although the second IT was also dreadful. I have never seen any of the sequels to the original film, but I doubt they’re as awful as this.

Blink Twice

This is the one I saw twice because my fiancée wanted to see it. Very apropos. B+ to A-. Current Catwoman is the director. She’s a far better director than she was Catwoman. Channing Tatum is some elusive tech billionaire who bought an island after some unnamed controversy that probably involved sexual harassment at the very least. He’s named Slater King when his number two at the company is played by Christian Slater. Odd, that. The lead actress is invited to Slater King’s island after forcing her way into an elite gala. The acting from all involved is quite good. Haley Joel Osment and Geena Davis round out the cast I know by name, although one of the women I do recognize from something. Oh… She was the love interest in Morbius. And, it turns out, a movie I watched after this on streaming. The twist is sort of spoiled with a trigger warning at the beginning, which is annoying. Why they did that, I don’t know. It’s not like we really see anything. There wasn’t even any nudity in this. The third act when everything goes crazy is pretty fun, as well as the ending. I did not expect that. Although, it doesn’t truly make all that much sense. But I’ll allow it.

Strange Darling

The best horror movie I saw this month. A+. The twist when it happens is truly wonderful. The movie is told in six non-linear chapters, to make the twist easier to conceal. The lead female in this was the love interest in the first season of Reacher. The lead male was one of the dudes in Smile, which I just learned right now that he is reprising his role in the sequel coming out later this year. Ed Begley, Jr. is the only actor I recognized by name. He is in this for a very short amount of time. There is a cooking scene that I hope Binging with Babish recreates in the near future, although I suspect some of the fancy dishes made on the island in the previous movie might get the recreation treatment first. This is probably in my top ten for the year as of right now, but I haven’t really done an accounting for any entries after the top six. I badly do not wish to spoil anything. The tension is just so good, as is the clever ending. There is some opening text that claims this is based on a real event, but the director has only said “perhaps” it is. It’s not like the events as shown would be hard to confirm one way or the other. Go in blind.

Slingshot

There were two Monday mystery preview screenings this month. I did not see the first, Skincare, as I was not feeling the best. The other one is this one. They are no longer $5 as well. Disappointing. This is a sci-fi thriller where it appears Casey Affleck is slowly going insane on a three-man mission to Titan. The titular slingshot is them using the gravity of one of the planets to slingshot themselves towards Titan faster. Frenchie from The Boys is one of the three on the spaceship as well as Laurence Fishburne. There are few other characters with many lines other than these three, but one of them is The Governor from The Walking Dead. The third act twists (there are technically more than one) are all really well executed. The ending is quite good. I enjoyed this much more than I thought I would. A to A+. This may go up the rankings later. I haven’t decided. Morpheus is the standout actor as he just has this commanding presence, although Casey Affleck plays a man coming to grips with his slipping sanity pretty damn well.

Reagan

Kevin Sorbo has a tiny part in this, funnily enough. This is very much an unnuanced and unvarnished pro-Ronald Reagan biopic, as I expected. They cover all the hits and notable Reagan quotables, with a random dude even saying “Let’s win one for the Gipper” at one point. They decide to have the Dennis Quaid switchover to Reagan occur in 1941, which is slightly jarring as he is seen in college played by a significantly younger actor. Reagan graduated college in 1932. So this was give or take about a ten-year difference. It does not shift from his college days to 1941 sequentially, but that is funny. Brenda from Adventures in Babysitting is Nancy Reagan, which is quite funny. Other than Jon Voight and the others I mentioned, Kevin Dillon and Nick Searcy are the only other actors I truly recognized. This is based on a book called The Crusader that I may have to read at some point. It gave me everything I expected but did not overshoot my expectations. B to B+. I am surprised they covered the attempted assassination in as much detail as they did, but Reagan did have an amazing quote from that experience. I guess they just had to play all the hits.

Afraid

Very boilerplate horror movie. It went some places I was not expecting, but also leaves so many unanswered questions because what the AI can do defies explanation. The AI is all powerful, yet it seems to really want to involve itself in this family for some reason. Like it appears this AI can do essentially anything, including getting people off for violent criminal offenses with a single phone call. It is forgettable but not awful. Was not expecting Keith Caradine or David Dastmalchian. John Cho and the lead from the dreadful Alien: Covenant are the husband and wife at the center of the story. I give this a C- to C. I don’t think it is bad enough to fail, but it isn’t good enough for me to recommend. The oddest thing about this movie is that this was a joint production with Blumhouse and Sony. I thought Jason Blum was exclusive to Universal. But Sony is making these trash PG-13 horror movies. Sony was responsible for Tarot earlier this year.

EVERYTHING ELSE

As far as video games go, I really only played the two ol’ reliable ones. Vampire Survivors had a small update that portends further updates with the introduction of Darkanas. I got all the achievements save for two that deal with the adventure mode added quite a bit ago that I just have never messed with at all. I’ll get to it after… Peglin got its full release, mainly adding the remaining four levels of the Cruciball. I managed to clear level 20 with the Balladin, but still have five levels left to clear for the other three characters, one for one, two for the other two. I should accomplish that in September sooner rather than later.

Lots of television this month. I didn’t get much further into My Hero Academia, mostly due to other things taking up time. I watched the first episode of Severance, but it didn’t grip me. I don’t know if I’ll return to it. My fiancée got back both Max and Netflix, so I finally finished Smiling Friends. One of the best adult animated shows ever. Here’s hoping it keeps the quality up through the next several seasons. Cobra Kai is back and still great, although it ends with the most obvious twist of all time. Still no Hilary Swank, Teen Witch, or Jackie Chan, although I expect the latter soon due to the already announced movie that will involve him and Ralph Macchio. Ten episodes left of this series, truncated over two more release windows. I got back into The Bad Batch but did not finish the newest season. So much stuff to watch. My fiancée and I watched the first episode of Your Honor, although we want to watch it together and just didn’t get a chance to watch more yet. I watched all of Terminator Zero, which, while not perfect, has some interesting lore for the franchise. It doesn’t approach the quality of the first two films, but it may be better than all the other movies. Never watched that live-action show, though. My fiancée and I watched some episodes of Columbo, my second favorite show of all time. Funny story: My fiancée mentioned the show unprompted on our first date. She’s a keeper. I watched two game shows. The Quiz with Balls is hosted by Jay Pharoah, SNL’s second Obama. Fun. The better of the two was The Floor, hosted by Rob Lowe. A truly addicting trivia show where 81 competitors duke it out in one-on-one matchups over the course of the season for a quarter of a million dollars over 81 squares of floor. Each contestant is an “expert” in their own field of interest, mostly pop culture and hobbyist stuff. It returns in late September.

Hulu has a My Hero Academia movie called My Hero Academia: Two Heroes. It is almost surely not canon to the manga, although the anime teased its existence. It was OK. It involves only some of the classmates of Deku but not all of them. And they justify them being on the island resort or whatever Deku goes to with All Might in the most flimsy of ways. B- to B.

I joined my local library recently and rented every Studio Ghibli movie directed by Hayao Miyazaki that I had yet to see. Other than the one released last year that won an Oscar, the only other one I had seen prior to August was Howl’s Moving Castle. I managed to watch all of them save two by the end of August. I have watched the other two in September already. First up was Spirited Away. One of the best I’ve seen. A+. It needs no introduction. Most of his movies are on Max, which is how I watched some of them as I got too impatient waiting for them from the library (although it did have all of them.)

I had never seen Working Girl. Slice of life trying to make it in this world movie that may be the best of its kind. A+. And even some nudity, which is always appreciated in my book. Highly recommend.

My fiancée had never seen Shallow Hal. Not terrible, but also not great. B. Early starring role for Jack Black, but School of Rock is probably still his best lead role.

Princess Mononoke is probably my least favorite of the Miyazaki movies. A. It felt boring at times. The animation is still absolutely stellar.

I rewatched Role Models for the first time in awhile. One of the few comedies of this era with an unrated cut that isn’t substantially worse than the theatrical cut. A+. Just so well done.

Kiki’s Delivery Service may be my favorite Studio Ghibli movie. A+. Slice of life movie about a young witch doing her training. Although, it seems this training is very open-ended. She opens a package delivery service (per the title,) delivering them using her flying broomstick. Just so very charming.

Through my library, I also rented 12 Years a Slave, which I had never seen. Incredible story and amazing work from all involved. A+.

The Wind Rises is another incredible Studio Ghibli movie. A+. This might be my favorite as well. Not 100% sure. They’re all just so good.

A Family Affair is a Netflix movie my fiancée wanted to watch. Nicole Kidman bangs her daughter’s boss, an incredibly arrogant A-list actor played by Zac Efron. She is sporting an obvious Australian accent, but her daughter has a clearly American accent for some reason. A little stupid. This is a predictable romantic comedy. C to C+.

VFW was awesome. A bunch of older actors from the likes of Papa Dragon to Kreese from Cobra Kai to the main villain of The Warriors to Fred Williamson to William Sadler to bloody Norm from Cheers. And they end up involved in a snafu with a drug kingpin. Lots of bloody and visceral violence. A+. I didn’t even know this movie existed until I spied it for $4.99 on Blu Ray at the Big Lots next to the Regal where I saw Dìdi.

Another Studio Ghibli classic. My Neighbor Totoro may also be my favorite. A+. It needs no introduction either. Totoro is the damn mascot of the whole company.

Hit Man on Netflix doesn’t fully come together in the third act. The Morbius love interest is in this movie. Glen Powell continues to impress, charming as ever. The third act just feels wrong to me. But, still, a B+ to A-.

Porco Rosso was also similarly incredible, like a vast majority of these Studio Ghibli films. A+. I wish the ending was clearer, but that’s my only (minor) gripe.

The final movie I watched this month and the third to last Studio Ghibli movie I needed to see. Ponyo, absolutely incredible. A+.

And that’s everything. You might have noticed by now that I tend to keep my non-theater movie reviews short. Mostly, I do this to spare my editors. The reason most people likely read this article series is for my reviews of new movies. Most of the non-theater films I see are not 2024 releases. Seeing my first movie in theaters for September later today. It’s a legacy sequel that could be awful. Here’s hoping it isn’t.