The Month in Theaters: November 2022 Movie Reviews

So… Many… Movies… Nine movies in theaters, twenty-four outside of theaters, with two repeats, for a grand total of thirty-one reviews. Insanity. It was a really good month. Three movies got to battle it out for top honors, which we’ll get into shortly, person who notices I’m now putting the month winner as the article image. SPOILERS OF THE MINOR VARIETY BELOW!!

Armageddon Time

Like Tár in October, this one had a problem. Oddly, a problem of the reverse kind. The first hour is great, and the last hour is just running in place until the main character’s father gives a monologue to his son in the last five minutes of the movie. Because of some random anti-Reagan nonsense that only makes sense if the Cold War never ended (like the original ending of Watchmen,) this movie gets a slightly worse grade. C-. Anthony Hopkins is great but him leaving the film halfway through leaves a massive hole. This is a semi-autobiographical work by the writer/director (we’re getting another one that isn’t in my area yet that is high in the running for Best Picture) but feels empty. It takes place solely in the fall of 1980 in Queens. And it ends just about on Election Day. The title refers to the fear that Reagan’s election will lead to the end of the world. Which it didn’t. So, why title it that? Especially since the plot does not focus on it at all; Reagan is only mentioned in passing until the scene on Election Day. And then that scene is short as all Hell. Maybe build that up a bit if that was your point. But the point also falls to land because Reagan almost single-handedly won the Cold War. You’re not Alan Moore, man.

Spirited

Regal did a $5 mystery movie night that was an Apple original film. It is a perfectly serviceable “modern update” yet sequel (sort of) to A Christmas Carol. And it’s a musical with mostly forgettable songs. Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell have good chemistry together. Ryan Reynolds plays a fast-talking thunder douche, as he is very good at doing. Is the plot very convenient? Yes. Do I have questions as to how a ghost has sex with a human being in whatever limbo universe the ghosts use? Also yes. Best I not elaborate on that last one. This is a B- to B. It’s on Apple’s streaming service right now.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

I didn’t do a separate review for this one either. Why? It wasn’t terrible but it didn’t leave me the most to talk about. Namor is weirdly changed from the comic book look, but I see why they did due to a change in backstory to have him fit in with the MCU. I still wanted the widow’s peak haircut. Only Vegeta challenges Namor on that one. Still makes me wonder why Namor didn’t appear before now, considering the many world-ending implications. He keeps abreast of world events. He was probably lying, but he claimed he had an absolutely massive army. Might have been useful against Loki or Ultron or Thanos or Robb Stark in Eternals. Vibranium being known to be in abundance to the world seems like a fool’s reason to reveal oneself. I understand the arm’s race implications. And that will almost surely lead to Madame Hydra (Elaine’s character) doing something with Han Solo Thunderbolt Ross to destabilize Wakanda in a future movie. Namor doesn’t get a solo movie because, like the Incredible Hulk, Universal somehow has the movie rights to solo pictures of Namor. I think that means Disney gets it back next year, but search me. Intellectual property is my favorite field of law and even I barely understand movie rights things. Jason finally got resolved. That took four decades of lawsuits. I understand I’ve been tangential, but I don’t want to spoil too much. It’s a B to B+. Second best Marvel movie this year. Out of four, if you count Morbius…

The Menu

The first of the top three movies to be up. I honestly thought this would win after I saw it. As if it needs to be said, this is an A+. I first saw the trailer in front of some movie a few months ago and was enraptured. I knew I had to see this movie. And I loved it. It makes fun of all the people that make fine dining bad right now. And it takes them all to the woodshed. One other movie beats it. Considering my love of the genre to which that movie belongs, that shouldn’t surprise anyone. I thought the second trailer gave away too much, but that was merely a head fake. Go in mostly blind, and you’ll be fine. I really don’t want to talk more about this to spoil anything, but just know the performances of everyone, including the actors I have never heard of before, were all pitch perfect. No one was noticeably off kilter.

The Banshees of Inisherin

A movie that nearly made the top three new movies of the month, but fell just short of it. An admirable fourth place. This is an A to A+. It only falters because the writer/director of In Bruges didn’t make as good a movie this time around. The issue is the stakes. They are virtually non-existent until Brendan Gleeson adds some. But even then, those stakes don’t seem to have actually amounted to anything. It’s the kind of movie that probably would have worked better as a play. The cinematography is great, but it doesn’t need it. It’s a character study between two friends when one doesn’t want to be friends anymore and the other is flabbergasted about the suddenness of that. That’s the basic plot. It doesn’t have much else going on. It takes place in early 1920s Ireland — well, an island off the coast of Ireland. There seems to be a civil war happening on the mainland. Like Belfast, I don’t know enough about Irish history to comment further.

She Said

A movie that was better than I thought it would be. B. The machinations of taking down Harvey Weinstein were gripping. I didn’t know the full story. This movie doesn’t provide all the answers, but it does provide some of them. It takes some gratuitous cheap shots at a certain political figure I dislike strongly, but when one of the investigative journalists who helped take down Weinstein also worked on a story about sexual harassment that figure may or may not have committed before that journalist did the Weinstein one, it makes sense from a character motivation standpoint. Trump. It was Donald Trump. Also, Bill O’Reilly, tangentially. I wish Andre Braugher was in the movie more. He’s the best actor in this. The rest are serviceable, but he shines brightest.

Devotion

I really liked this movie, but it is hurt by a random sidequest. The death of any Navy film is the almost inevitable shore leave segment in the middle of the movie that blunts the momentum and adds virtually nothing. My favorite Navy movie, Down Periscope, doesn’t do that. Yes, this movie would have been much shorter without the shore leave, but maybe spend more time on the themes of your movie via establishing stakes and such than a random scene with a Hollywood celebrity who is in France during the Korean War for some reason. The Elizabeth Taylor side mission adds nothing to the movie except to argue that, hey, she might not have been racist. I have no idea if that is true or not nor do I particularly care. Jonathan Majors and the himbo from Scream Queens (also John Glenn in Hidden Figures and the Val Kilmer type in Top Gun: Maverick) both crush it. The rest of the cast is just there, for the most part, other than the wife of the Jonathan Majors character. This is a B+ to A-.

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

This gets movie of the month. A+. A movie I saw on streaming made it a fight, as it was the early frontrunner, but this movie killed it, pun not intended. Is it because I put together the means of murder before the person had even died? Yes, that’s a big part of it. I was plugged in and firing on all cylinders when I saw this murder mystery comedy, one of my favorite television genres. We don’t get enough movies of this type for some reason. Rian Johnson, for all my complete distaste for TLJ, knows how to do movies that come from his own world. Looper and the first Knives Out are excellent. This is probably his best movie that I’ve seen. My second through fourth favorite shows of all time are Columbo, Psych, and Monk. While the latter two have to consistently fight for third, Columbo is so good. One of the greatest characters of all time, that Peter Falk disheveled detective. The cameos in this movie mostly just come out of nowhere. I only watched the teaser trailer that didn’t even spoil the cast. Daniel Craig is the only actor to come back, making this a very Lt. Columbo-esque universe. Outside of the fact you don’t see the murder before Daniel Craig enters the story. This will be on Netflix starting on Christmas Eve Eve (the 23^rd,) so enjoy this with your loved ones this holiday season. I will definitely watch this again that way. It was only at my Regal, so I’d have to cough up actual money to see it again, so I’ll just wait a month. Thankfully, I saw it before anyone could spoil anything for me.

Strange World

The last movie in theaters and on streaming both end the month on a bad note, which sucks. This is an eminently forgettable Disney animated movie. Disney is doing a lot of those as of late. The marketing is terrible, and the distribution was also terrible. This one actually went to theaters. The trailers made it seem like a space movie. It isn’t. It all takes place in about the same village, just in the mountains and the caves surrounding it. The movie has a point, very on the nose. The opening scene has the protagonist discover literal power plants, as in plants that generate electricity somehow. And those plants are literally killing the world. Starting to get the message? Need Greta Thunberg to drive the point into your skull harder? The movie has nice visuals, but the trailer has most of them. I cannot recommend this movie in any way. F. It’s not the worst movie this year, but I only failed two movies I saw in theaters in the entirety of 2019, when I managed 120 movies (not all different, of course.) If you add The Munsters from Netflix, I’m at least four so far… And there’s a certain blue people movie I will also probably fail, considering it is a sequel to the worst movie I’ve ever sat through. Not good. I mean, there were four failures last year, which was a very truncated year, but still…

EVERYTHING ELSE

I didn’t get back to Criminal Minds or Spy x Family at all in November. But, as you are already aware, I watched a lot of movies outside of theaters. My editor has already replied “Good Lord” to me when I told him how many reviews this article would include. Of the two repeats, one is the annual tradition of Planes, Trains and Automobiles. The 75-minute deleted and extended scenes edition also just came out, which I managed to see. They make Del Griffith a right bastard, so I’m glad they cut these scenes. A lot more time is spent at that Wichita hotel room, answering some lingering questions related to that I had. Michael McKean’s scenes are apparently lost to time, as even John Hughes didn’t keep them. The original script had them somehow overshoot Chicago, as Michael McKean is a state trooper for a state that isn’t Illinois, as you can see on his uniform. It’s my fifth favorite movie of all time. See it if you somehow haven’t. The other is the third movie that had a fighting chance to be movie of the month, which I’ll get into shortly. I finished Andor, which was excellent. The best acting goes to the director of Venom 2. If you know, you know. K-2SO does not really show up, so I didn’t get my Alan Tudyk fix. If you’re not aware, Wash from Firefly voices something in almost everything Disney makes and has for quite a few years at this point. He’s the successor to Cliff Clavin’s Pixar cameos, which that actor still does and likely will until he dies. I also started watching Succession randomly about two weeks before the end of the month. It’s pretty damn good. The father from Armageddon Time is the main character, strangely enough. That clicked at some point. Chainsaw Man is still awesome as all get out. TV-MA anime, brought to you by Olive Garden! (If you know, you know.)

Continuing a trend from the end of last month, my fiancée and I watched The Bride of Chucky, about when the franchise realized meta humor is good for a comedy horror franchise. It’s ridiculous and insanely stupid at times, but in that winking way that’s fun. I give this an A- to A. Jennifer Tilly is a great addition.

The movie I saw twice and last of the top three. As if anyone needed to be told what it was if they knew this came out. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story. A Roku Channel original, for some reason. Thankfully, Roku has an app on the Amazon Fire Stick. Harry Potter crushes it, as does basically everyone, especially Toby Huss, who plays the father. As someone who knows far too much about “Weird Al” Yankovic, I especially loved the handful of details that were accurate. The cameos are insane as well. The best part is that the movie, no matter how ridiculous it gets, is played completely straight. If you knew nothing about the man, the myth, the legend before seeing this movie, you might be asking yourself if the first third actually happened. It didn’t. And it gets blatantly more obvious the further the movie goes, which I won’t spoil. Watch this thing. A+. I want him to play the end credits song at the Oscars, but that dream may not happen. The man deserves an Oscar, but that’s a pipe dream I’m afraid.

I finally watched the remainder of the South Park television movies, one I even didn’t realize came out before the last one I had watched last year at some point. This is the sequel to this one, which I realized was a trilogy while watching this one. Oddly enough, the first in the trilogy was before the Paramount streaming deal, so it is technically not a TV movie but part of the regular season. A little shallow and pedantic? Maybe, but I have rules that I follow, so it cannot be discussed here. It is television, not a movie. South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid is funny but didn’t blow my mind. It’s a B+ to A-. The crutch of Randy’s weed farm needs to be expunged when the show comes back for its next episodic season, whenever that is.

As if to make my last point more obvious, we get South Park: The Streaming Wars and South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2. They are separate TV movies, but they’re basically one full length regular movie. They still count as two reviews for the purposes of this article, but I’m putting them together. I watched four South Park things in one weekend in a row. Humor me. Together, they are an easy A-. Better than the last one I just discussed, but still heavily reliant on Randy “unintentionally” breaking the fourth wall to comment on what is happening in the real world. The plot is a battle over a body of flowing water. So, literal “streaming” wars. They’ve been doing this pun stuff with Randy’s weed farm for quite awhile. Please stop making it the narrative thrust going forward. It is still really funny, but it is getting old.

I finally saw Cube. It’s free on YouTube. I also have YouTube Premium. Very easy choice for me. This is one of the best low budget horror movies I’ve ever seen. This is an A to A+. The return of a character who was clearly dead out of nowhere was just so blatantly stupid for a last ten minutes of the movie surprise that I can’t give it the full A+. It’s based partially on one of my favorite lesser-known episodes of The Twilight Zone, which I realized after I saw the movie. Cool.

The sequel to Cube? Nowhere near as good. Like not even funny how bad. Cube 2: Hypercube is what always seems to happen when a nothing budget horror movie with a mostly great script takes off. A very bad and rushed sequel that tries to top the last one and fails miserably. It’s just a straight F. It was so badly received, the next movie, which is somehow the last in the series and the only one not free on any streaming service I have, is a prequel to the first one. And apparently very good. I just can’t watch it on any streaming service without commercials. And I don’t want to watch it with commercials.

The third free YouTube movie in a row, Fantastic Mr. Fox is a passable Wes Anderson stop motion animated movie. It’s like he wanted to do Chicken Run, and it’s just not as good. This is a B.

Hulu keeps doing these original movies that only have ads at the beginning. Which makes them easier to watch. Grimcutty is the latest one. Essentially, it’s the Tulpa idea from that one really good episode of Supernatural with the fake ghost hunters they’d drive into the dirt but with a Slenderman (that’s how I spell it) twist. And it’s far better than the Slender Man movie. But not better than the animated short film Concrete Giraffes by LittleKuriboh, which predicted Slender Man. This is an A-. Horror movies are graded on a different curve than the MCU, folks.

One of my favorite action comedies of all time, Beverly Hills Cop is fantastic. I even enjoy the sequels, although they are nowhere near as awesome. A+. A movie that turned almost every song on its soundtrack gold and/or platinum. Just see it.

Probably my favorite action comedy of all time, Rush Hour 2 seemed designed in a lab for me. It came out when I was young, so its PG-13 rating didn’t prevent me from seeing it in theaters/home media (my parents really restricted me from R-rated movies as a kid.) A+. It has some of the best one liners in film history. Chris Tucker might be an awful stand-up comedian (largely because he was nearly an hour late, never again,) but he’s on fire here.

Back to this franchise. Seed of Chucky is really bloody weird. It’s not as good as the last one or the next one in the franchise. A real black sheep that nearly killed the franchise. This gets a C. Worst in the franchise so far. Still haven’t finished it. I think I am one movie short plus the Syfy series.

Curse of Chucky is a masterclass in continuity. It ignores the bad stuff from the last one while keeping the good stuff and referencing basically all the other movies. That good stuff? Jennifer Tilly and the same voice actor throughline of the Chucky puppet. Would have enjoyed Chris Sarandon, but this one sets up the next movie (which I still need to see) that is the last movie before the Mark Hamill reboot (I saw that in theaters back in 2019) and the Syfy series that continues this continuity. This is an A- to A.

My fiancée had somehow never seen The Nightmare Before Christmas even though she likes several songs from the soundtrack and asks me to play them in the car often. This is easily one of the top five best animated movies ever made. A+.

A direct-to-streaming movie with a terrible rating on Rotten Tomatoes but kept being recommended to me on YouTube. Didn’t appear to get a physical release at all from what I gather. I finally bit the bullet… And I’m glad I did. Arizona is basically a comedy of errors horror/thriller movie where a woman is terrorized by a bumbling buffoon who is unfortunately very good with a gun. All with the backdrop of post-housing bust Arizona. It stars Danny McBride, Luke Wilson, the cop from Jumanji, and Seth Rogen. That sounds like a mess, but the movie fell under the radar and found its home with me. It’s such a good movie. A+.

A Mother’s Revenge is a boilerplate Lifetime woman murderer movie that might not even have been on Lifetime, but it’s that type of genre. It stars Miss Scarlet as the titular mother getting revenge and a few other actors I’ve seen elsewhere but don’t care enough to check as I write this. The movie is saved because the acting isn’t terrible even though the plot and script are. This is a C-.

While visiting family for Thanksgiving, my nephew got to pick the movie we watched one evening. He picked Kung Fu Panda 2, probably the best in the franchise. Gary Oldman is amazing as the peacock villain of the piece. The animation on him when he is fighting is just chef’s kiss. A+.

And we have another new movie F. Disenchanted is another incredibly lazy legacy sequel. It doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be and the actors that are new are not very good. Stop trying to make Maya Rudolph a thing. It’s not going to happen. The movie’s plot is a mess. The MacGuffin that causes the plot to happen is so blatantly a MacGuffin the movie doesn’t even try to hide it. Some of the jokes land, but the good actors that are in this, like Amy Adams, are just wasted with the most predictable plot of any movie I’ve seen this year. Remember: I love horror movies and have watched quite a few for the first time this year. This is somehow more predictable than a Chucky movie. My fiancée and I got like 45 minutes in and turned it off. My sister wanted to watch this while I visited for Thanksgiving. The rest of the movie proved it was a good idea to turn off when I did. Remember again: Only movies I sit through in total can be given a rating and a review. Unfortunately, I didn’t yet manage to watch all of Moonrise Kingdom. Next month, folks.

Another good movie I finally saw: Crazy Rich Asians is an A+. One of the best romantic comedies I’ve ever seen. Not much else to say. Just watch this if you haven’t. You won’t be disappointed. Michelle Yeoh took the success of this to eventually land Everything Everywhere All at Once, so we have this movie to thank for my likely movie of this year.

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special is also technically a TV/streaming movie, like the last Marvel Special Presentation was. This is probably better but a completely different feel. The original songs that bookend the movie are really good. Kevin Bacon does an amazing job playing himself in the crazy world of the MCU. I won’t spoil much beyond that . I really liked this. A to A+.

Oh, this movie sucks… The Spell is a cheap made-for-TV knockoff of Carrie, which I still need to see. I know, I know. It’s on the list. The twist? The lead character is fat. And her mom isn’t a religious nut but also has her abilities for some reason that is never explained nor do I care enough to look further. Satanic chanting seems to be the cause of the abilities, so it isn’t genetic. It’s just very stupid and terrible. F.

A Friend to Die For is another terrible made-for-TV movie that has been remade by Lifetime with a new title, Death of a Cheerleader. It has a lot of decent actors in it I recognize from other things, such as Uncle Phil/Shredder, the lead actress from Cold Case, and the queen bee antagonist from Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the sitcom one.) But it is an awful movie focusing on two actresses, one of which is Tori Spelling, that are both very terrible. The script does not help, as it is horrifically plotted, starting with the murder but concealing the identity of the killer even though the movie shifts to focus solely on one person other than the person who was murdered in the opening scene. Gee, I wonder who the murderer is? F. This seems like the kind of thing that should have been an episode of Cold Case, which would have made it better as it would have been about half the length. Hey, maybe that’s where they got the idea for the show!

That’s finally everything. As a process, I try not to look up the name of an actor I don’t know how to spell if I can make a pop culture reference at least someone other than me will get. Got it? I am writing this the day I will see Violent Night: John Wick meets Santa made by the John Wick studio. Shut up and take my money! I doubt I crack triple digits this year, but I think I’ll get close. 87 movies in theaters currently. That means I need to see 13 movies in theaters during the month of December. Looking at the release schedule, I don’t really know how I’m gonna manage that. But I didn’t even know Violent Night existed until like a month ago, so who knows?