I have been forbidden from being *TOO* cool. But it's easy to slip an envelope and tell the kiddo "you're now old enough to wonder about the other versions of the story".
When I was a kid, "permanent record" meant "until you graduated".
In a worst case scenario, it meant that you *MIGHT* have to move states.
Remember the song "Kiss Off"? Yeah. That.
Now? Jeez, cancellation is forever. Your main hope is to have a name like "Matt Smith" and when someone asks if you're the one who was arrested for public urination every week for two years straight, you can make a joke about how you usually get asked if you're the Doctor Who actor.
I've told this story before but, hell, I'll tell it again.
A friend of mine applied for a job back in the early oughts and they gave him one of those $5 Lego kits to assemble. Just a simple little structure and a minifig.
"You want me to build this?", he asked. "Yes", the interviewer said.
They included the instructions and everything. He just laid out the instructions, built the structure, and presented the final product to the guy.
The interviewer nodded and started disassembling the lego set and putting it back in the box.
"You'd be surprised by how many people this weeds out", he told my bud.
Reading the story, it seems like there were five cops, two of them pled guilty, this is about one of the remaining three of the five.
The three defendants still face the prospect of years in prison after they were convicted of federal charges, though they were acquitted of the most serious charges there, too. Two other former officers previously pleaded guilty in both state and federal court, including Emmitt Martin, who defense attorneys blamed for the majority of the violence.
Bean and Smith are out on bond and under house arrest after their federal convictions. Haley is being held in federal prison.
Nichols, a 29-year-old Black man, fled a traffic stop after he was yanked out of his car, pepper-sprayed and hit with a Taser. Five officers who are also Black caught up with him and punched, kicked and hit him with a police baton, struggling to handcuff Nichols as he called out for his mother just steps from his home. Nichols died Jan. 10, 2023, three days after the beating.
While I am 100% down with the whole "the getaway driver gets charged with murder even if he was outside waiting in the car when the guy got shot inside" thing, this isn't exactly a complete miscarriage of justice.
On “Open Mic for the Week of 5/5/2025”
New Pope is not pro-choice.
Maybe the next one.
On “Weekend Plans Post: Graduation Season (One of the Last Ones)”
Well, there's the version that he heard from his mom... the version he heard from gramma...
"
Ah, good. It's always good to visit fam and catch up and just sit in the same room with occasional strolls down memory lane.
"
I have been forbidden from being *TOO* cool. But it's easy to slip an envelope and tell the kiddo "you're now old enough to wonder about the other versions of the story".
"
Eh, in my circles, a "party" means "hamburgers off the grill" and "relatives slip the grad a little something".
It's not, like, a party where stuff gets rented. It's an excuse for the grownups to eat something.
OOOH!!! HAVE FUN IN SCOTLAND!!! WE WANT PICTURES!!!!
On “Open Mic for the Week of 5/5/2025”
1. You have the option of laughing at them.
2. Asking people to do the background reading is ableist.
"
Just like what Columbia did to those kids in the library.
On “From New York Magazine’s Intelligencer: Everyone Is Cheating Their Way Through College”
Andrew has an episode devoted to this article. Check it out.
On “Open Mic for the Week of 5/5/2025”
When I was a kid, "permanent record" meant "until you graduated".
In a worst case scenario, it meant that you *MIGHT* have to move states.
Remember the song "Kiss Off"? Yeah. That.
Now? Jeez, cancellation is forever. Your main hope is to have a name like "Matt Smith" and when someone asks if you're the one who was arrested for public urination every week for two years straight, you can make a joke about how you usually get asked if you're the Doctor Who actor.
"
Arrests include Maggie Gyllenhaal’s daughter, Ramona Sarsgaard.
Your opinion of The Dark Knight may color what you wish to happen next.
On “A Post-Conclave Conclave”
This may sound unorthodox but I have a good way for Democrats to lock up the Presidency for at least two terms.
"
"Walk into the Conclave as a Pope and you'll walk out as a Cardinal."
Now we can forget that for a couple of decades again.
"
Do you think he'll be more conservative than Francis on Palestine or more progressive?
"
An American Pope?
This used to be a punchline.
I don't even feel like making intersex jokes.
"
I'm kinda surprised they didn't wait for a Friday afternoon news dump.
On “From New York Magazine’s Intelligencer: Everyone Is Cheating Their Way Through College”
I've told this story before but, hell, I'll tell it again.
A friend of mine applied for a job back in the early oughts and they gave him one of those $5 Lego kits to assemble. Just a simple little structure and a minifig.
"You want me to build this?", he asked. "Yes", the interviewer said.
They included the instructions and everything. He just laid out the instructions, built the structure, and presented the final product to the guy.
The interviewer nodded and started disassembling the lego set and putting it back in the box.
"You'd be surprised by how many people this weeds out", he told my bud.
On “A Post-Conclave Conclave”
The Pope Must Diet! wasn't as good as its conceit.
But what script could possibly live up to "the wrong guy becomes pope"?
That said, "Do you know who I am? I'm Cardinal Rocco! You're lucky you're being fed here!" was one hell of a line.
On “Open Mic for the Week of 5/5/2025”
Maybe there should be a push for police reform that does stuff like weaken police unions.
On “A Post-Conclave Conclave”
Smoke enthusiasts will be pleased to know that we have black smoke at the Vatican.
On “The Department of Good Things”
"WITH A FREAKIN' PENCIL"
On “Open Mic for the Week of 5/5/2025”
It seems that Columbia has reclaimed the library from the people.
"
Reading the story, it seems like there were five cops, two of them pled guilty, this is about one of the remaining three of the five.
While I am 100% down with the whole "the getaway driver gets charged with murder even if he was outside waiting in the car when the guy got shot inside" thing, this isn't exactly a complete miscarriage of justice.
Merely a more minor one.
"
Just in time for finals, Columbia's Butler Library has been reclaimed by the people.
On “A Post-Conclave Conclave”
Imagine hanging out behind the rectory and bumming a Chesterfield off the Cardinal.
We used to be a country. A proper country.
On “Open Mic for the Week of 5/5/2025”
Luigi fans should be pleased: His legal fund has officially passed one million dollars.