Music Monday: Metal Songs In Which The Singer Barks Like A Dog

A dog singing death metal in a basement, Created by Bryan O’Nolan using AI. Public domain.

Who is the Ordinary Times reader? He or she is well-read, attractive, urbane, erudite, sophisticated. Next to their easy chair in the family library is a stack of all the top journals in politics, letters, and the arts and sciences upon which rests a well thumbed copy – too well-thumbed, in fact, to be their first copy – of their favorite book. The Ordinary Times reader is in the world, but not of the world; they are familiar with the great variety of humanity, from the pitiable to the laudable. It is thus with deep regret that I publish this week’s Music Monday.

Yes, there are a collection of metal bands whose singers bark like a dog, to wit:

Which of course brings to mind this moment:

While most of these fall into the Barkcore genre I have just invented, there is also at least one example in the Boybandcore genre I have also just invented.

At some point a metal band was about to hit their big breakdown and for reasons no one can explain, and few would even attempt to devine, the lead singer barked. Barked like a dog. And then – here is the most inexplicable moment of all, a bunch of people who’s idea of a good time is bringing about premature deafness and dancing as violently as possible. Thought to themselves, “Well, that was cool.”

This was the birth of Barkcore aka Pawpatrolcore, and now there’s a collection of nincompoops who bark like my dog when the Amazon guy pulls up in front of the house and imagine themselves to be dark and the baddest of asses.

Kids these days.

What’s next, Frogcore? Cicadacore? Belchcore? Klaxoncore?

How much dumber can we get?

America, please do not consider my previous sentence to be a hold-my-beer challenge.