The Month in Theaters November 2023

Photo of Meridian 16 Cinema, downtown Seattle. 2012 by Sea Turtle on Flickr (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

I somehow managed fourteen movies in theaters in November, with an additional twenty movies otherwise, with one repeat, for a total of thirty-three reviews. That puts me at 115 movies in theaters for the year. As long as I see six movies in theaters in December, I will break my all-time record. That should be pretty easy. Let’s get into it, shall we?

What Happens Later

A boilerplate rom-com starring Meg Ryan (directed by her as well) and that guy from The X-Files. The conceit is that a long-divorced couple end up running into each other in an airport between flights when a snowstorm strands them there. They don’t end up getting back together, so maybe this isn’t technically a rom-com. I don’t know. They reminiscence about their past. It didn’t piss me off, but it didn’t impress me at all. This is a C- to C. Basically no one saw this.

Divinity

This is an F. Such a weird movie in a bad way. Even fewer people saw this than the last movie. The only fun scene in the film is a short Claymation segment where two things fight. The plot is a mess that doesn’t go anywhere. I saw this only because I was heading to the theater to see the following movie and wanted a double feature to make the trip more worth it. I was the only person in the theater.

The Marsh King’s Daughter

A story that wanted to be gripping, but it was just too predictable. C-. A woman was kidnapped and forced to have a child with a mountain man. She escapes with her daughter, who is the main character once it shifts to her as an adult. I wish the movie went to more interesting places. Not much else to say.

Next Goal Wins

A silly comedy based on a true story. The first of two $5 Regal Monday Mystery Movies. B+. Soccer isn’t really a sport I enjoy, but I do like sports comedies. Taika does a good job with the material. It is quite funny at times. And I enjoyed the acting from most.

Priscilla

This movie was just boring. I wish I had more to say about it. F. The story doesn’t really shine any more light than what I would get reading Priscilla Presley’s Wikipedia article. I feel like the movie just needed more substance than it had. The movie ends right around the time she leaves Elvis. Maybe expand on what she did with her life after that.

The Marvels

Not as bad as Eternals but not much better. C. Ms. Marvel is the most enjoyable part of the film, but there are so many elements that don’t work. The villain is completely forgettable with a plot that is just there with numerous pacing issues. It’s like sidequest after sidequest. Some of these MCU films and Disney+ shows feel like nerd homework at this point. Still better than Secret Invasion, though.

The Holdovers

One of the better movies this month. A to A+. Paul Giamatti was fantastic. He plays a prep school teacher who gets stuck babysitting the students who cannot go home over Christmas break. The acting from every character is stellar, although Giamatti is probably the only actor I recognized by name. The chemistry between Giamatti’s character and one of his students is heartfelt in a way that very easily could have been poorly handled.

Thanksgiving

Eli Roth made a Thanksgiving-centric horror movie set in Massachusetts. The kills are fun. B+. A revenge story after a Black Friday department store riot turns deadly. The killer reveal probably could have been better.

Journey to Bethlehem

I didn’t want to dislike this movie, but it just wasn’t good. Joseph, oddly enough, is played by a bit character from the last movie. F. The original songs are just bland. The couple of classic songs aren’t well done. The biggest problem with the movie is the out of place humor. It just comes off very inappropriately. Antonio Banderas is the only actor I recognized by name, but a dude from Outsourced plays one of the three wise men.

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes

It kept my attention but wasn’t that good. C+. It has a major pacing problem. The Hunger Games at the center of the plot is actually the second act. There’s a whole chunk of the movie left after it, which is easily the weakest part of the film. Honestly, if they were going to do a Hunger Games prequel, I would have much rather preferred Haymitch’s Hunger Games. I know this is based on a book, but point still stands. I didn’t really need an origin story for President Snow.

Wish

Just not very good. C. The songs aren’t very memorable, the villain’s heel turn spikes in villainy almost out of nowhere, and the message is muddled. They make a lot of low-effort references to older Disney films. Very tacked on. The friend group the main character has is so poorly developed. We learn maybe one or two things about each of them and basically all of them add nothing substantive to the plot.

American Fiction

The second $5 Regal Monday Mystery Movie. The trailer made it seem like the core of the movie was a writer putting together a book on a lark based on current trends, but it only ends up being about 40% or so of it. There’s a family drama element completely missing from the trailer and a few other plot points that don’t really have to do with it. It feels like they didn’t have enough plot for feature length and padded it with plot points that don’t really connect. I still enjoyed myself, though, on the strength of the acting. B.

Napoleon

A movie that should have been better. It wasn’t bad, but I thought it could have been a Best Picture contender before I saw it. The battle scenes are very well constructed, but there were not as many of them as I thought there would be. The core of the film is the relationship between Napoleon and Josephine. Joaquin Phoenix and Vanessa Kirby shine in that. B+.

Silent Night

A movie where basically no one talks. The lead has a good reason not to talk. He gets shot in the vocal chords in the opening scene. The rest of the cast doesn’t have that excuse. It’s a revenge flick. Directed by John Woo. A-. I really do enjoy the action in this.

EVERYTHING ELSE

Basically all the new shows I was watching finished their current runs in November. The Irrational finished in a way that I didn’t even realize was the season finale. I don’t know if I’ll return to it should it get a second season. Bosch: Legacy finished and was awesome. Easily one of the best shows on television currently. Gen V had a somewhat out-of-pocket season finale, but we’ll see how that ties into the next season of The Boys. Loki also finished, but I don’t really know what it means for the rest of the MCU. Invincible returned and was very solid. They split the season in two, so only four episodes until sometime next year. Having only watched a couple episodes prior, I returned to The Bear and got caught up to the most recent season. I also watched all of Gravity Falls, including all seventeen shorts. It’s a wonderful show. Due to a Black Friday deal on Max, I finally got to finish the last two episodes of the third season of Warrior. Solid show with awesome action. Finally, I watched the first episode of Shameless, which has the lead character from The Bear. I don’t know if I’ll return to it. The repeat movie was Planes, Trains and Automobiles, which my family watches every Thanksgiving.

Obsessed is like Basic Instinct if there was no sex. A woman becomes obsessed with a married man, but he does reciprocate at all. The bright spot of the movie is the ending brawl catfight. C.

I finally watched The Last Waltz. Not as good as I thought it was going to be. The album is better. B.

This movie sucked. Nightbeast is a horror movie with a tiny budget. And horrible acting. The creature effects are probably the only place the budget went. But the movie sucks. F.

My fiancée showed me Silver Linings Playbook. Really well-done film. And one of the few post-Rush Hour 3 movies Chris Tucker has been in. A- to A.

Movie of the month goes to The Killer. A to A+. Michael Fassbender excels in this David Fincher-directed thriller. Catch it on Netflix. It’s pretty awesome. I don’t want to spoil any of the plot, so I will leave it there.

My fiancée had never seen the 1963 movie that was the basis for the Eddie Murphy remake. The Nutty Professor is an OK film. Jerry Lewis has some fun slapstick. Professor Frink from The Simpsons is based on the titular character. B.

The Craft was an interesting movie. Witches in high school although everyone seems to think that’s what they are. No real secret coven or anything. B. It is weird that Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich were in this and Scream in the same year.

Quiz Lady was an OK comedy about a Jeopardy!-like show and the main character who is obsessed with it. The journey to get on the show and whatnot. B.

Downsizing was boring. It drags on way too long. I don’t really know what the movie is trying to say. Directed by the same guy who did The Holdovers, this one just isn’t as good. C.

I did not enjoy this movie. You’re Not You is about Hilary Swank’s character getting ALS and her relationship with her caretaker. F. The most interesting part about this movie is that Cotton Candy Randy from Good Mythical Morning has a cameo in it.

Guess Who is a sort of remake of a classic film I still need to see that is almost surely better than this. F. It is just not good.

I had not seen Manchester by the Sea since I saw it in theaters back in 2016, but it is still an incredibly impressive drama. Casey Affleck gives one of the best lead dramatic performances I have ever witnessed. He earned that Oscar. A+.

Someone in my family wanted to watch The Hunger Games, so we did. It is fine. B.

They also wanted to watch the sequel, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. I like this one a little bit more, but I give it the same rating. B.

Some younger members of my extended family are really into Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, so we watched one of the specials. Miraculous World: New York – United Heroez (yes, that weird spelling is part of it) was fine. B-.

Good Burger 2 was not as good as the first one. You think with all the time they had between them; a better movie could have resulted. Not quite a failure, but close. C-.

Melissa McCarthy is back with another not good comedy in Genie. She plays a genie in modern times. F. I wish there was more heart in this thing.

My fiancée had never seen What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. I saw it a long time ago. Didn’t remember much of the plot. It’s fine. B.

Pain Hustlers is a Netflix movie about a drug company pushing a drug past what it is meant to be for and getting busted for it. The performances are good, but it isn’t amazing. B.

And that’s everything. Let’s close out this year on a high note!