Weekend Plans: The Trip To In-N-Out Burger

Featured image is the In-N-Out up off of Interquest. Photo taken by the author

It was Friday and all of the things that were fast were done and all of the things that were slow were scheduled to run over the weekend (to be checked on Monday) and my tummy rumbled and I saw that it was time for lunch.

I sent a quick text over to my bud who lived nearby and asked “Hey, you said something about making the trek to the In-N-Out?”

But before I get into that, let’s get into some quick burger theory.

If you ask me, the best burger joint in town is probably Five Guys. They get darn near everything right. They put enough cheese on the burger, it’s drippy and gets everywhere between walking it from the counter to the table, they use the good ketchup, the good mustard, the good bacon, the good lettuce, the good tomatoes, the good onions, and the good pickles.

Seriously, if you were to make a burger at home, this is the burger you’d make.

And the fries are double fried and they give you *WAAAAAY* too many of them.

The milkshakes? Divine.

The only problem is that you look at your receipt and that perfect double bacon cheeseburger, the fries, and the shake all cost you TWENTY DOLLARS!!!! FOR ONE FRIGGIN’ MEAL!!! Seriously, you could spend less than $20 at McDonald’s and feed a family of four and they’d all walk away satisfied (6 of the $3 McDouble/fries bundles is what I’m thinking here).

And so if someone else said “Hey, I just had something amazing happen to me and I want to celebrate by going to Five Guys! My treat!”, I’d be delighted and think about that perfect burger without thinking about the $20 I just kissed goodbye. But Five Guys isn’t a place I go to… even though they have the best burger, I like my $20 more. (Seriously, you could spend $20 at the grocery store and make those burgers on your grill and feed at least two people. Maybe three.)

And so it was Five Guys I was thinking of when someone told me that it was so very exciting that In-N-Out was finally coming to Colorado Springs.

I was interested in going to In-N-Out, of course. It’s like any new restaurant coming into town. “Do you want to go to the new place?” “Heck yeah, I want to go to the new place!”

In-N-Out discussions were different, though. The people who moved here from California sang the praises of In-N-Out like it was more than merely a burger place. It was a burger place that had “the best burgers ever”.

Now, back in the early 90’s, my family came *THIS* close to moving to California. We went out there to look at houses and high schools and everything. While we were there, we stopped by an In-N-Out to get some burgers. I remember nothing at all about this meal except that it happened and that they put Thousand Island on the burgers. Mom told a story about working as a salad girl during college (a step above the servers, she points out) and how one of her jobs involved mixing the Thousand Island manually.

So, like, when people sang the praises of In-N-Out, my thoughts were something like “I’ve been. It was okay.”

Since then, I’ve learned that I went to In-N-Out incorrectly. I ordered off of the menu, you see. “You have to order off of the *SECRET* menu!”, I have since been informed.

Personally, I find this kinda irritating. I mean, I get that being “in the know” is one heck of a word-of-mouth campaign and I can see how someone might feel like a member of a secret club by going up to the counter and asking for their burger “Animal Style” when the only thing that the menu says is hamburger, cheeseburger, and double-double.

But, okay, now I know that there is a menu on the wall as well as a *REAL* menu that exists on my phone, I now know how to get a burger at In-N-Out 31 years after I went there the first time. So… yeah.

My bud texted me back: “WE’LL MEET YOU THERE!”

So we all drove over to the In-N-Out and I got us a table while he did the socially distanced responsible thing and went through the drive-thru.

He brought a box of double-doubles and animal style burgers to the table as well as some animal fries.

The animal style burger? $3.75. The fries? $3.40. The shake? $2.15. After tax? That’s around $10.

Now, was that the best burger I’ve ever had? Far from it. I’ve made better burgers and I’ve also purchased better burgers.

Was it the best $4 burger I’ve ever had?

You know what? It might be. But, you know, I had to order off of the secret menu instead of the real one.

I suppose it was nice to feel in the know, for once.

This weekend will probably *NOT* involve another trip to In-N-Out. We might visit with friends for a little burnt meat off the grill, some conversations outside, and reminisce about how we used to be able to just show up at each others’ houses at will, pretty much. And look forward to doing this again… in a couple of months.

So… what’s on your docket?