Weekend Plans: The Trip To In-N-Out Burger
Featured image is the In-N-Out up off of Interquest. Photo taken by the author
It was Friday and all of the things that were fast were done and all of the things that were slow were scheduled to run over the weekend (to be checked on Monday) and my tummy rumbled and I saw that it was time for lunch.
I sent a quick text over to my bud who lived nearby and asked “Hey, you said something about making the trek to the In-N-Out?”
But before I get into that, let’s get into some quick burger theory.
If you ask me, the best burger joint in town is probably Five Guys. They get darn near everything right. They put enough cheese on the burger, it’s drippy and gets everywhere between walking it from the counter to the table, they use the good ketchup, the good mustard, the good bacon, the good lettuce, the good tomatoes, the good onions, and the good pickles.
Seriously, if you were to make a burger at home, this is the burger you’d make.
And the fries are double fried and they give you *WAAAAAY* too many of them.
The milkshakes? Divine.
The only problem is that you look at your receipt and that perfect double bacon cheeseburger, the fries, and the shake all cost you TWENTY DOLLARS!!!! FOR ONE FRIGGIN’ MEAL!!! Seriously, you could spend less than $20 at McDonald’s and feed a family of four and they’d all walk away satisfied (6 of the $3 McDouble/fries bundles is what I’m thinking here).
And so if someone else said “Hey, I just had something amazing happen to me and I want to celebrate by going to Five Guys! My treat!”, I’d be delighted and think about that perfect burger without thinking about the $20 I just kissed goodbye. But Five Guys isn’t a place I go to… even though they have the best burger, I like my $20 more. (Seriously, you could spend $20 at the grocery store and make those burgers on your grill and feed at least two people. Maybe three.)
And so it was Five Guys I was thinking of when someone told me that it was so very exciting that In-N-Out was finally coming to Colorado Springs.
I was interested in going to In-N-Out, of course. It’s like any new restaurant coming into town. “Do you want to go to the new place?” “Heck yeah, I want to go to the new place!”
In-N-Out discussions were different, though. The people who moved here from California sang the praises of In-N-Out like it was more than merely a burger place. It was a burger place that had “the best burgers ever”.
Now, back in the early 90’s, my family came *THIS* close to moving to California. We went out there to look at houses and high schools and everything. While we were there, we stopped by an In-N-Out to get some burgers. I remember nothing at all about this meal except that it happened and that they put Thousand Island on the burgers. Mom told a story about working as a salad girl during college (a step above the servers, she points out) and how one of her jobs involved mixing the Thousand Island manually.
So, like, when people sang the praises of In-N-Out, my thoughts were something like “I’ve been. It was okay.”
Since then, I’ve learned that I went to In-N-Out incorrectly. I ordered off of the menu, you see. “You have to order off of the *SECRET* menu!”, I have since been informed.
Personally, I find this kinda irritating. I mean, I get that being “in the know” is one heck of a word-of-mouth campaign and I can see how someone might feel like a member of a secret club by going up to the counter and asking for their burger “Animal Style” when the only thing that the menu says is hamburger, cheeseburger, and double-double.
But, okay, now I know that there is a menu on the wall as well as a *REAL* menu that exists on my phone, I now know how to get a burger at In-N-Out 31 years after I went there the first time. So… yeah.
My bud texted me back: “WE’LL MEET YOU THERE!”
So we all drove over to the In-N-Out and I got us a table while he did the socially distanced responsible thing and went through the drive-thru.
He brought a box of double-doubles and animal style burgers to the table as well as some animal fries.
The animal style burger? $3.75. The fries? $3.40. The shake? $2.15. After tax? That’s around $10.
Now, was that the best burger I’ve ever had? Far from it. I’ve made better burgers and I’ve also purchased better burgers.
Was it the best $4 burger I’ve ever had?
You know what? It might be. But, you know, I had to order off of the secret menu instead of the real one.
I suppose it was nice to feel in the know, for once.
This weekend will probably *NOT* involve another trip to In-N-Out. We might visit with friends for a little burnt meat off the grill, some conversations outside, and reminisce about how we used to be able to just show up at each others’ houses at will, pretty much. And look forward to doing this again… in a couple of months.
So… what’s on your docket?
Anyone from Cali who says In n Out is the best burger in Cali is objectively wrong. Fatburger is the best burger in so Socal, and price is correlated to size. From kids size to triple burgers, cooked exactly as you like it when you order it. Runner up is Habit, but only if you’re willing to try condiment packages like teriyaki-pineapple and triple mushroom burgers. They’re also going back to their central coast roots with tri-tip sandwiches that are promising.Report
We’ve got a place called “Crave” uptown that specializes in weirdo gourmet burgers (I prefer the “Love Stinks”, myself). The burgers are downright awesome… but look at those prices!!!
I’m just going to stick with Dave’s Double.Report
Well, since this post we found a local FatB located in a grungy outlet mall food court. Bad choice. Nothing like the one on Venice Bl that I remember. Taking back rec.
Sticking with The HabitReport
Being from the Midwest, Culvers Butter Burgers is my jam, when it comes to good burgers at decent prices.
West coast, Fatburger and Habit beat In&Out for quality, if not price.Report
I recall Fatburgers once upon a time being far and away the best burgers and declining in quality over time as the chain was repeatedly bought and sold by various people. When Magic Johnson’s business group held an interest I had great hope but was disappointed; they did not return the emphasis to product quality. Maybe the current owners have, or future owners will.
In my new home here in Portland there is no Fatburger. There is an In-N-Out a little bit north of Salem and while it’s a flavor I have nostalgia for when I remember my SoCal days, I don’t have enough nostalgia to wait in that line, especially when there is so much other good food readily at hand right here in town.Report
The office closes at 3 tomorrow. I’ve sent the bear of a contract I’m working on into the abyss of product review, hopefully right at the sweet spot where I appear speedy but late enough that there’s no chance it’s coming back tomorrow. If that works out my wife and I are going to the boy to a newish park and an early dinner.
I’m also hoping to make yet another run at killing this damn vine that comes out to strangle my holly bush. I’ve tried it several times to no avail.
Other than that it’ll be beer, grill then more beer and more grill. I never thought I’d turn into Clark Griswold but here we are.Report
the whole “secret menu” idea does sorta bug me, because I tend to be a “not in the know” person, and, like…..if it’s better and you’re keeping it a SECRET from those other than your burger freemasons who know the secret handshake, that’s not a great business practice, because if someone tells me “I ate at this place and it was amazing” and I go there once and it’s mediocre, my reaction is more “Huh, they must be a lot less picky than I am” and less “gee maybe they know something I don’t” and I wind up not going back to that place. (And yeah, most restaurants, their food isn’t as good as what I can make at home. Barbecue excepted; I have no way to make real barbecue at home. And well, the kind of pizza made in a super hot oven; that too. But everything else, from pancakes to steaks, I can make better at home)
Even though it’s STILL death-hot here (and I am so tired of it), I might try leaving early on Monday (my sole Federal Holiday off this semester) and driving the hour or so to Chickasaw NRA for some hiking and just a day that is somewhere other in town. If I can get my poop in a group enough I’ll pack a lunch and eat somewhere at a picnic table in the park; if not, I’ll blow my weekly sodium budget at the Sonic. (There are better restaurants in that town, I am sure, but I am still not eating INSIDE a restaurant and I know the Sonic lets you eat outside)Report
Actual secret menus don’t work in every location.
They’re lingo that is known by particular people.
I’ve ordered a “High Systolic” (yeah, you read that right), before.
I don’t expect to order one again.Report
If I had to guess… extra meat, extra bacon, extra cheese, extra sauce?Report
Starbucks (hence nick.)
Something insane — Grande, with 5 shots of espresso, and a shot of vanilla.
That was at Las Vegas International.Report
In my youth, I would begin the morning with a six-shooter and a Camel Light Wide.
Looking back now, I miss the cigarette more than I miss the coffee.Report
This is the weekend I finally finish the porch roof.
Oh, and I quit my job. Going back to school this fall, and my wife is currently making twice what I make, so it’s a good time to quit. Work, of course, is not eager for this, and is trying to see if I can stay on at half time (I’m agreeable), but it’s not a sure thing yet.Report
Hell yes. Congratulations!
“You know, if you gave me a raise and stopped drug testing me, I wouldn’t *NEED* to go back to school!”Report
Ha! The last time I had to pee in a cup was right before I started working at Boeing.
School* is really just 6 classes over the next year, but it’s MW evenings for 6 hours a week, plus lots of software development projects, and I can’t be writing code full time for work and part time for school, I’ll burn out. Working half time will force my employer to dial back expectations.
*And the classes are partly to fill some gaps in my software engineering training, and to get the credential to prove I know how to write software.Report
If you consider how much less retirement savings you’ll need due to early death, Five Guys burgers and fries pay for themselves.Report
The best burger I’ve ever had remains the hand-formed, burnt-edges, greasy patty on a toasted bun with hand-cut fries I got when I was a kid working with my Dad one Summer in a greasy spoon (complete with squeaky screen door and ancient Coke-branded refrigerator) in teeny-tiny little Albert, Kansas. No other burger has ever come close.Report
For me, these days, Big Al’s Burgers and Dogs here in Fort Collins. A one-off place rather than a chain. There’s the Big Change Jar on the counter — at the end of each month the owners add 25% and the whole thing goes to a local charity (eg, the local food bank). Wall decor is provided by local artists — space available for three months on a first-come first-served basis. The table tops are all recycled basketball court from one of the middle schools.
Same people own a one-off chicken place down the block. For reasons unknown to me, you can get beer from the local breweries at the chicken place but not the burger place.Report
when one-off places are good, they’re REALLY good…..and when they aren’t, they’re terrible. That’s one thing I’ve learned living in a small town.Report
I want to go to that place.Report
Yeah, the greasy spoon hamburger is a burger unto itself.
Mount Kisco had a little diner that had the owner (who worked the register), the guy who ran the grill, and the waitress. (I’m pretty sure that the waitress and the guy who ran the grill were dating.)
The breakfast scrambles were amazing, the pancakes were amazing, the burgers were amazing.
It’s a light fixture store, last I checked. Probably been a half dozen other things since then.Report
The real problem with In-n-Out is the fries. They’re proud of the fact that they use fresh cut potatoes but that’s not actually the best way to make the sort of skinny fries you usually get at a fast food hamburger place. If you order animal style they throw thousand Islands dressing on them, which does help keep them kind of moist but tastes like thousand island dressing, so ymmv.Report
So, the first time you ate in and the second time you ate out?Report
And the first time I was out of the know and the second time I was in.Report
I’m down to Alert Level 3, so I can get takeout again. I order a burger on Thursday and it was great.Report
The thing is, okay, maybe you know a place that’s better than InO, but that place you know probably isn’t everywhere, and even when it’s around InO is faster, and McDonald’s is faster yet but isn’t as good. InO has managed to find a spot where they’re “the best fast place and the fastest good place”.
Also, somewhat interestingly, they seem to mostly have teenagers working there, versus the rest of the fast-food places which are careers for forty-plus immigrants.Report
I originally had a paragraph dedicated to White Castle Theory in there but deleted it.
Sure, the burgers aren’t great… but you can put two of them in your mouth at once.Report
Have you had Five Guys? It seems to exist in a similar in-between space… better than fast food, faster than better food. If there is a hard dividing line between “fast food” and “restaurant” InO and 5G are probably standing on opposite sides of the line but close enough to high five each other.
I’ve only had InO a few times so remain partial to 5G, but I tend to favor a big messy burger covered in a melange of carefully chosen toppings.Report
Once. The patty and bun were fine, but the tomato was mushy and the lettuce had been through the dip at least once. $3 for a regular Diet Coke. >15 min wait for my food in cheerless decor. One of the few times when I felt like I’d been ripped off on a burger.Report
In theory, InO is faster than Five Guys.
In practice, InO is so popular that they take about the same time.
And I can get a milkshake at Five Guys. (Although it’s about twice as expensive, and you get a LOT of food, more than I feel good about eating in one sitting but I don’t usually get Five Guys in a context where I can wrap up the leftovers…)Report
We all survived the Vax/In-Law Drama at the nephew’s Baptism. In fact, the largest source of awkwardness was my brother coming to a family event for the first time in, uh, 6 years? 7? He’s seen certain members of the family one-on-one but has not attended any major events since I guess 2014, which was when I last saw him. He also didn’t include any of us save for my mother in his major events, like his wedding. We had a particularly rough falling out when he extended our always tense and distant relationship to Toddler Mayo, among other drama at the time. I said hello, he ignored me, and I figured I did my part.
For this weekend, I had to go clear out the flooded basement of the girlfriend’s parents. Apparently, there was some discrepancy as to whether they had four inches of water or four feet (spoiler: it was four feet). We had one of those always fun exchanges:
“My mom called. I’m going to go help with the (supposedly 4” of water flooded) basement.”
“Want me to come?”
“I’m sure we could use your help but I know you wanted to goto the pool.”
[texts exchange to friends’ inquiring “Is this a trap?” They confirm]
[Later on]
“Are you sure you want to come?”
[sees obvious signs of trap]
“Yes, I want to come.”
We got about 90% of the basement cleared out. About 50% of which was old, empty cardboard boxes her mother had been “saving.” It was somewhat a blessing in disguise because they are preparing to retire, sell the house, and move out of a house they’ve lived in for 45 years. We had been begging them to let us clear out the basement and, welp, we did. There was very little of value down there. They’ll take a hit on flood repair but I’d argue that outweighs spending at least another year trying to move and thus delaying their full retirement. Six hours later and they’re halfway moved out!
Back to the exchange, moments like that remind me what an asshole my girlfriend’s ex was. Like, of course I was gonna go help. Who doesn’t help in that scenario??? He dad is a diabetic 82-year-old and her mom is 75 with knee problems. Well, the ex wasn’t the kind of guy to help — certainly not without complaining about how inconvenient it was for him and how he’s the real victim of the flood what with having to change his Labor Day plans. Twenty years with someone like that leads to her approaching the situation as she did… not actually setting a “trap” but conditioned to ask indirectly and expect the worst.
Hey… the sun’s coming out and the pool opens soon. Look how that worked out?Report
Nice work. It’s kind of amazing how low the bar is when it comes to some relationships. Show up, don’t be an a-hole, and you’re golden.Report