No Country For Young Men? Nah, It’s Time to Grow Up

Whether one characterizes the crisis as too many young men sitting around eating junk food, too many young men choosing idleness over education or the workforce, or too many young men being unable or unwilling to find a girlfriend, scholars, parents, and educators alike are sounding the alarm. Even political campaigns have taken notice — former Vice President Kamala Harris attempted to reach out to young men (especially white men) during her campaign, and now-President Trump successfully ran the gambit with “alpha male” influencers. 

There’s some good data to back up these concerns. Men are falling behind women in all sorts of educational parameters, and these disparities extend beyond the classroom. Using federal and nonprofit data, the Stanford Review reported that men are disproportionately likely to overdose on drugs, four times more likely to end their own lives, and are fourteen times more likely to be incarcerated. Men are also substantially more likely to experience social isolation, further adding to the stew of social-emotional concerns. 

Researchers understandably throw out a multitude of social causes for this decline in American men, from an increase single-parent households to an educational culture that can be at odds with traditional masculinity. Societal causes, however, do not tell the whole story. As someone firmly within this demographic (I just turned 25), I have seen some of my fellow young men succeed, and some become embroiled in a listless, despondent miasma. 

The difference between them? Humility.

If young men want to succeed in today’s world, they need to drop the alpha male influencers and take some responsibility. Only then can we tackle the more systemic issues at play. 

The lack of humility among young men has been on full display for a while now. The campaign to end toxic masculinity’s goals were to encourage men to be more vulnerable with their emotions, to encourage bonding among men of different generations, and to foster community among men, rather than have us view one another as competition for potential mates. While this advocacy arguably bordered on misandry at times, its goals were noble — to create an equal playing field among and within the sexes, where everyone is treated with respect. 

However, this only caused young men to band together in outrage. This outrage, which is fundamentally rooted in low-self esteem, created a delusional belief that society was out to “get” men, and thereby deprive us of our natural “greatness.” In turn, some of these men began to go on the warpath against anyone and anything they perceived as opposing them. What they ultimately desire is a repudiation of women in public spaces. The result has been a “stunning surge” in misogyny, as these men turned to toxic figures like Andrew Tate and Sneako, as well as online communities on platforms like X and iFunny, to reinforce what they already believed. 

Social psychologists refer to this phenomenon as “collective narcissism,” and it is disturbingly noticeable among young men, incentivizing many to view the world with violence and hostility. But even when these movements obtain political power, institutions, internal rivalries, and the sheer majority of people who oppose them often prevent this segment of American men from getting what they want. In order for that segment of American young men to be politically satisfied, you would have to essentially remove women from education and the workforce, which would be both logistically infeasible and a tyrannical moral crime. It’s never going to happen, nor should it. 

Collective narcissism does nothing but hold men back. Blaming social forces for our problems — even if they are, to at least some extent, responsible — does nothing to correct them. It only reinforces the type of anger and toxicity that becomes increasingly destructive to both ourselves and others. Humility, in contrast, isn’t about being a doormat. It simply acknowledges that men exist in a world with women, all of whom have the same rights as us. In other words, we must accept that we are not entitled to dominate society simply because we were born men.

If young men want to succeed in the world, we need to take responsibility for our own development. If we want good jobs, we must ensure that they have the qualifications and aptitudes necessary for one. If we want to provide for a family, we have to make ourselves worthy of being a provider. If we want to make an impact, we should involve ourselves in our real communities rather than our online ones. All of these possibilities and pitfalls are ultimately rooted in our own choices. “The system” is not stopping anyone from going to trade school, the gym, or volunteering. 

What’s more, none of this requires young men to abandon virtues that traditional masculinity promotes, like courage, self-discipline, and prudence. There’s nothing wrong with idolizing literary characters like Odysseus or Sir Lancelot, nor is there anything wrong with getting dirty, getting up to childhood mischief, or wanting to be needed. But these desires and attitudes must be kept in check for young men to truly succeed. 

This is not an easy world in which to be a young man, but it is no excuse for listlessness, wanton rage, or a festering disdain for women. If we want even a remote hope of engaging young men in society in a healthy and sustainable way, we have some serious growing up to do.