The Wake At Drake: DeSantis and Haley Debate in Iowa

Screen capture of CNN Republican Presidential Debate (CNN, Warner Bros/Discover)

The old timers did death differently than we do now, some out of changing times and mostly from escalating costs and a thriving funeral industry.

A wake, then funeral the next day. Now, the wake part evolved over time, from laying out the dearly departed in the living room and sitting up all night with them (to make sure the body wasn’t just mostly dead but all the way dead…awake…wake…get it?) with singing, crying, remembering, and various levels of inebriation that had to be faked through come morning, the preacher, and in-the-ground burial by shovel that fixed the hangover quickly. This was eventually cut down to a wake, or “visitation” for a few hours the night before, folks coming and going at a funeral home, and snacks and coffee. Nowadays, mostly you get no wake, an hour of coffee social before the service, then the big shebang sendoff.

Thanks a lot, inflation and progress; folks can’t even get grief hammered in their own homes over the decked out remains of their loved ones anymore.

Anywho…Iowa caucuses.

Political campaigns that are drawing dead at the political poker table have their stages of grief, their mourners, and last night at Drake University Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley finally had their one-on-one dust up for second place that sure felt like a wake. You could feel it through the screen from the talking heads pregaming the debate, to the body language and slow start to the affair, to the overall feeling of just going through the motions.

Ron DeSantis opened up promising to deliver what Republicans want, sweeping aside that what the Republican primary voters want is Donald Trump as their nominee. Nikki Haley opens up pitching “desantislies.com” because of course she did, and continued to bring up the website with a repetition that made seasoned political observers long for the heady days of the “9-9-9” plan and the conviction of sales pitches on Gas Station TV. Both tap-danced around a direct question about Trump being moral enough to be president because they can’t say anything directly bad about Donald Trump because they fear the Donald Trump voters.

There was a bunch more after that, but you get the gist.

Every time Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley get into cross talking buzzword pickleball Donald Trump’s 40-point lead in Iowa feels more solid. As does his double-digit lead in New Hampshire. As does his 20+ point lead in South Carolina. Trump isn’t just winning this primary; he’s running away and hiding with that lead by not even participating. The 2024 GOP presidential primary has been a primary in name only, and like Alabama versus Multidirectional State in football it is a contest only in form and function with no doubt as to the outcome.

The premise of DeSantis 2024, or Haley 2024, or Christie needs a new network contributor contract 2024, or that jackass Vivek says anything, or Pence and Mother Gets Their Comeuppance 2024, or the rest of the who’s that, whatsits, and wannabes of the 2024 GOP primary never accounts for the central fact in Republican politics today. That one fact is the GOP wants Donald Trump and there is no need for a Donald Trump alternative when the genuine article is on the ballot. Every swipe by Haley that DeSantis has blown through $150 million in his campaign while DeSantis talks about Haley doing a photo-op in front of a Chinese flag is time not spent on the candidate beating both of them by 40 points in the state they were debating in. Haley rolled her eyes a lot. DeSantis’ eyes kept mostly on camera as he continued his now well-practiced “here’s what I do with my hands and posture in public” routine that still comes off weird if you pay attention to it. The more they talk at each other, the less likable both were.

Without other candidates on the stage, and glaringly without the dominant force in Republican politics today that is Donald Trump there, the biggest takeaway was how much sameness, blandness, and meh there was on the Drake University stage. Arguing over who fought Disney more and who didn’t fight the Communist Chinese Party as hard just feels like really small beans compared to Donald Trump and his historic amount of political and legal baggage dominating this primary with almost no effort at all. Nikki and Ron calling each other liars over normal political doublespeak pales against the looming question of if/how many convictions Trump might have between the GOP primary and the 2024 general election — which the former president is already saying will be stolen — for lying and conspiring over the 2020 election that he still says was stolen.

To be fair, maybe some of the funeral dirge feel to these proceedings are not all the fault of Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley, two individuals who have been successful politicians outside of challenging Donald Trump. Poll after poll reiterates that wide swaths of the country do not want a Trump-Biden rematch. But that is what we are getting, because the primary voters of the GOP want Donald Trump to rematch with Joe Biden are sufficient in number to make it happen while those opposed do not.

“Repetition is the death of magic” quipped Bill Watterson of Calvin and Hobbes fame, one of the few masters of his craft who knew how to quit while he was ahead. A successful political campaign for president is a lot like pulling off a magic trick, using a cause or issue or event to get a mass of people to take a candidate as their champion at the polls and being wowed and amazed when the candidate pulls it off with their help. Over time the magic wears off, all the one-liners and cliches are told, and folks tire of the old and busted messiah and go looking for the new hotness. Enough of the GOP primary electorate still want Trump to triumph and want themselves some more repetition even if it leads to political death.

Republicans mostly like Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley. They FEEL something when it comes to Trump, something akin to a magic trick, marveling at the showman they have projected so much onto despite the obvious hints the magic is all a work. Compared to Trump, there just wasn’t any magic on the stage at Drake University. It felt like a wake of two candidates who never figured out there was no oxygen for them to breathe once Trump passed through and everything since was slow campaign asphyxiation.

Funeral services to be held Monday in Iowa. Snacks will be provided. BYOB.