commenter-thread

Resentment is a very particular emotion. It is different from disappointment or frustration or sadness. There are multitude of emotions that are not resentment.

Over my life, there are a great many things I wish I had, but did not. There are many times I felt excluded. Sometimes I could understand why I was excluded. Other times I could not. It just felt shitty. It felt personal. However, I seldom felt anything like full-on, sustained resentment.

Resentment is different, as is its cousin bitterness. In short, resentment doesn't automatically happen when you don't get what you want. There are other factors. Those factors are attitudinal. They happen inside your head, based on your view of the world.

When someone encounters someone else who is resentful or bitter toward them, it is not the same as encountering someone who is frustrated or sad. The resentment implies underlying assumptions.

Examine those assumptions.

I have two contrasting takes on Fifty Shades. This first is, it is a fantasy, and closing the book is the safe word. In other words, enjoy your transgressive fantasies on their own terms.

My second take is based on the fact that I've met multiple real-life women, who were entering the BDSM scene, who were fairly naive, and who were searching for their own Christian Grey.

This is troubling for the obvious reasons.

Lee, I only know what you share here, but you share a lot. I think I have a decent grasp of who you are when it comes to dating. I stand by my analysis. You could find women who would date you, but those who otherwise would are going to be turned off by your attitude.

That's a fair point. Allow me to explain.

Recently Lee complained that everyone he dated was "status seeking." I can believe that. There are a lot of shallow people in the world.

The point is, I don't think Lee is any better than those women. He is also status seeking, which is why he's trying to date those women. He wants the "trophy girlfriend," but he isn't trophy boyfriend material. Those women want to show off their guy to their friends. Lee ain't that guy.

This sucks, but it's how those women think. Why does Lee keep trying to date them?

Do you think that all women are like that?

They aren't. I know this from personal experience. I know plenty of women who don't care about looks that way. They have cool, nerdy boyfriends. Women like that would totally date a guy who looks like Lee. Would Lee date those women?

That's not even the biggest problem. While such women would happily date a guy who looks like Lee, I don't think they'd want to date a guy who thinks like him. His attitude would show through.

However, attitudes can change.

So yes, this is about "transactional" relationships, but not in the way you mean. Lee is trying to play the "transaction" game with women who don't want what he's selling. But he keeps trying with those women. Why? Other women exist.

Women are people not things.

What do you expect from sex positivity?

Sex positivity a relationship model that grew from the LGBTQ and BDSM communities. It's built on principles of consent and acceptance. However, it's not a dating service. It doesn't guarantee everyone a partner. How could it?

More specifically, it doesn't guarantee that every dude will get a hot, high status girlfriend. Again, how could it?

You speak of exclusion, but you could find love. There are women who would date you. So who is excluding who? There are social spaces that would accept you, but would you accept them? The people there won't look like Hollywood. But you don't look like Hollywood.

Dude, figure this out before it's too late.