Cryptocurrencies, Explained

Cryptocurrencies have been increasingly in the news and cultural consciousness over the course of the last few years. It seems like many people find the currencies and how they work a complicated, unfathomable mire. While I understand where people are coming from, crypto is actually fairly straightforward and even folks who aren’t financial wizards or students of markets can understand the basic concepts fairly easily.

Now, this isn’t a sales pitch. Yes, I run a crypto company. But for the sake of detachment of purpose I will not mention, link to or in any way reveal the company I recently founded.

A crypto transaction begins when you purchase what we call a coin or, due to the astronomical values some of these coins can reach, a portion of a coin. This happens securely and anonymously by leveraging a cloud-based open source architecture on a distributed, polyyredundant server net. You’ll end up with a unique identifier in hex, such as 4E 45 56 45 52 47 4F 4E 4E 41 47 49 56 45 59 4F 55 55 50.

You should save this somewhere secure, because this is your coin. This is money.

How, you ask, can you be certain that it is unique and safe on our end?

Simple: the blockchain.

Here’s how a blockchain works: Think about a bee hive. You’ve got the queen: this is a self hermetic server running an open proprietary bot net that integrates both the semi-rational and WAEF.net exegesis to achieve throughput on the scale of teraflops per parsec.

Wild, right?

Once you have initiated a coin interaction, or “instance,” using a digital signature such as a thumbprint or rectal scan, this beehive goes into action. Each cell and worker bot begins ROI farming.

ROI farming is a simple, elegant interaction between two otherwise unrelated but rather straightforward mathematical processes: the Sheffield-Wednesday Regression and Banquo Analysis.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: This is just the Hedgehog Equation but with polynomial cantilevering. It’s more than that. By altering the inputs to preclude Tannhauser gating, you end up with a progression of Silesian primes which resemble iktsuarpok, but without the waiting. Feeding these into the bot engine results in, if I do some quick back-of-the-napkin math, 4 x 10⁴³² interactions per instance.

Like manna from heaven, yes?

Through what is essentially eschatonic quantification, we’ve found new, sustainable ways to meritifiy shambolicity while simultaneously leveraging AI amplitudinal debasing to achieve never-before imagined success in deployment of the classical Odyssian Equine, but with culturally informed, verisimillic features.

The seeds thus sown on our ROI farm, we have to employ the Kemet function. Through spectral flooding, we see growth which largely resembles the E2R effect. Biblio-wainscotting occurs in a non-zero instance of Lego-mortification.

The growth is impressive, but, importantly, ponzisustainable.

Harvesting is similarly straightforward. Arboreal mastication of the liminal turophilic angstrom usually results in – your mileage may vary! – platonic lucre.

It really couldn’t be more simple.