The Month in Theaters August 2022
Photo of Meridian 16 Cinema, downtown Seattle. 2012 by Sea Turtle on Flickr (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)
I managed to get to the theaters seven times in August. On top of that, I watched ten movies elsewhere, for a total of seventeen reviews. Much better month than July, my God… Managed to get to my local indie theater twice, one of which was to see a movie I was incredibly excited for. Let’s get on with it, shall we?
Bullet Train
Starting off the month right, this action-packed Brad Pitt vehicle was eminently enjoyable. I initially gave this an A+, but having thought about it for a little, it falls to A to A+. Wasn’t willing to go whole hog with that. The action hits and is quite varied in a certain respect (constraint on spoilers.) We even get a few excellent cameos I wasn’t expecting. Definitely recommend this one. I just don’t want to discuss the movie too much as I really don’t want to spoil it. The trailer kept things very vague.
Bodies Bodies Bodies
I expected more from this movie. The trailer made it look so much better than it was. A black comedy horror movie filled with dumbasses and a murderer; let chaos ensue. It is still a black comedy, but thriller (with some horror elements) would be a better descriptor than horror. The twist at the end is one you’ll figure out a few moments before the characters do, at least I did. I probably would have if I had been thinking about it more. I give this a B- to B. The movie to compare this to would be Werewolves Within, which took a similar concept and did so much more with it. Also, the humor just doesn’t hit as much as it should. Disappointing…
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On
Movie of the month goes to this wonderfully delightful and heartfelt mockumentary. Oddly, this is technically a 2021 movie as it premiered at a film festival last year. I don’t know if this makes it ineligible for the next Oscars, but the standards I go by takes it out of consideration for my top movies of 2022 list. Thems the brakes. Jenny Slate voices the titular character, an anthropomorphic male shell with pink shoes on. The stop motion is excellently handled and the story just warmed my heart. His family is missing and has been for a period. With just his grandmother, he has adapted to doing mostly everything by himself. A person moves into the house who encourages Marcel to look for his family. And the search is on. This is an A+.
Beast
I didn’t expect much from this movie, but I expected more than I got. C is the best I can give this. The trailer made it seem like the lion was otherworldly or demonic, but it turns out to be just a more aggressive regular lion. Idris Elba is fine in it, but the script really doesn’t give him much to do, little room to shine. It’s pretty clear from the beginning who the disposable character is. While the thrust of the narrative is Idris Elba’s character attempting to keep his daughters safe, there are vanishingly few scenes in the movie where the girls are in any real danger. The final confrontation is one giant “He survives this.” For those unaware, that’s a CinemaSins joke for when a character lives through something said character definitely shouldn’t have.
Vengeance
An indie movie written and directed by B. J. Novak, who also stars as the lead. You know, Ryan from The Office. I thought this movie would be better. As it stands, it’s a B-. B. J. Novak plays a writer for the New Yorker looking for a good podcast idea. A former hookup dies of an apparent drug overdose. Her family believes he was much closer to her than he actually was, so he feels compelled to come to her funeral in Texas. Culture shock ensues, but he is led to believe by the family that she was murdered. And now he has a podcast. Something happens near the end of this movie that made me wonder how the character who did it avoided any consequences for it. Incredibly unrealistic. The issue is that the movie seems to run in place in the middle for a little too long. And the answer to the mystery ends up being pretty unsatisfying.
Three Thousand Years of Longing
The second Idris Elba movie of the month and the better of the two. Tilda Swinton plays a “content” loner on a business trip to Istanbul (not Constantinople.) She finds an antique bottle at a bazaar that turns out to be a djinn vessel. The story then becomes mostly flashbacks to all of the djinn’s misadventures through time. Idris Elba plays the desperation of a bound djinn very well. The rules of his magical imprisonment come with a twist which I won’t spoil. This deserves a B+.
The Invitation
I went into this movie with very few expectations and the movie neither disappointed nor soared above them. A struggling artist grieving her mother takes a free ancestry DNA test on a whim and discovers she has cousins in England. Meeting with one of them, she is invited to a destination wedding. When she gets there, things eventually take a turn for the really bad when it is discovered she is the bride. The trailer makes it seem like a death cult or something, but the actual answer is much more milquetoast. This is another C. The problem is that, due to the trailer, the audience is expecting everything to go wrong, so all that happens before mammaries tip skyward is largely irrelevant. The setup is just wasted is all I’m saying.
EVERYTHING ELSE
Plenty of television to talk about in August. I watched all three seasons of The Orville, which I very much enjoyed. As someone who has not seen a single episode of any Star Trek series, the show clearly isn’t just for Trekkies. The entire series is now up on Disney+. Harley Quinn is back for its third season. The show is fine, although I think the first season is the show’s highlight. What We Do in the Shadows has also returned and is giving more of what I want. The only off thing is the CGI on one character. Very distracting in an Uncanny Valley way. Smiling Friends came back for one special episode that was an interesting idea. She-Hulk: Attorney at Law premiered on Disney+. So far, it’s OK. The highlight of the first two episodes is Tim Roth returning as Abomination. I am still working my way through Criminal Minds. I am now in season three of fifteen. Gonna take me many months, I reckon, especially with everything else I watch.
I finally got around to watching The Princess and the Frog, a movie I’ve been meaning to watch for some time. The highlight is Keith David as the main antagonist, clearly inspired by Baron Samedi. I give it a B to B+.
It’s been awhile, but we got another good Predator movie. Prey takes place in the early 1700s. This movie’s conceit is one which has not been used enough in sci-fi properties. Period piece sci-fi movie. I’d love a Terminator Western. A man can dream… This is probably the best Predator movie since the first one. It lands an A to A+ from me. I just really don’t want to spoil anything. It’s fun. You can watch it on Hulu.
I noticed this ‘90s Jackie Chan movie free on YouTube and gave it a shot, specifically the New Line Cinema cut. Mr. Nice Guy is a B to B+. The action, as per usual, is the highlight, but the plot kind of sucks at times. The conceit to get his character involved in the plot is very threadbare. Also, we’re given no real reason why a television chef is this good at martial arts. This movie holds the honor of being Jackie Chan’s first movie shot in English.
Lucky Numbers is a movie my fiancée wanted to watch. It’s based on a true story, although I imagine it is a very loose adaptation. Pennsylvania state lottery scandal is the conceit. John Travolta plays a Harrisburg-based weatherman with illusions of grandeur who comes up with a plan to cheat the lottery as he is currently sleeping with the woman who picks the numbers for the daily drawing. Michael Moore acts in this for some reason. Very strange. B.
Finally checked out this movie on Netflix. RRR is an insane Indian action film period piece. The only thing that lets the movie down is the runtime. It is just over three hours long. But the action scenes are some of the most creative I’ve ever witnessed. So well done. This gets an A.
A prequel to a 2009 horror movie I can’t imagine many people remember, Orphan: First Kill is not as good as the first one. And the ending is a fait accompli as it is a prequel. I will say that there’s a twist I was not expecting, but that doesn’t make the movie great. I give this a C- to C.
Oh, I enjoyed this one. Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe is such a good sequel to Beavis and Butt-Head Do America. I also watched some episodes of the Paramount+ revival of the show. I need to watch more of the classic episodes, but this movie was really funny in the immature way the series is known for. A.
I’d heard about this movie but never watched it, but then I noticed it free on YouTube. Killer Klowns from Outer Space doesn’t have much to write home about. The only actor I recognized in it was John Vernon, Dean Wormer in Animal House and the mayor in Dirty Harry. The plot is dumb, the acting is mostly very hammy, and the resolution is stupid. The design of the clowns is unsettling in the right way. I don’t know how I can give this anything but an F.
My fiancée wanted to watch Ghost, a movie I had not seen in ages. In fact, I may never have seen the first act. I definitely didn’t remember that part. This is an A. It is very satisfying when the villains get what’s coming to them.
A Netflix movie about a plus-size beauty pageant contestant in Texas. Dumplin’ is another my fiancée wanted to watch. It was fine. Not much to say about it. It had a good message. The Dolly Parton music was really good. C+.
And that’s everything. Here’s to September keeping the momentum going, although I expect a slowdown in new releases.
