Always Prepared

Photo by GoToVan from Vancouver, Canada, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons

By now we are well acquainted with “Doomsday Preppers,” the show that aired ten years ago and made a bunch of people infamous, ruined a bunch of their lives, and made them all seem nutty as a fruitcake. Now that ten years have passed, has anyone learned anything? Mostly no. Why not? Because the show made them look nuttier than a fruitcake, duh.

Did we learn anything last year with the major supply chain issues and work stoppages because certain industries or certain workers were not essential? One would hope we learned that “just in time deliveries” are really misnamed and should be called “almost late,” but to quote Agent K from Men in Black: “A person is smart; people are dumb panicky animals.” A great example of this was people rushing out last year to buy every roll of toilet tissue they could grab, and fighting over it! The fear of “running out” during what was essentially reported as a respiratory event created a self-fulfilling prophecy and the world did, indeed run out — a moment of silence for those who needed toilet tissue but could not get it.

Now here we are again but, this time we are facing the Mu variant. A variant so varied that the current vaccine does not completely to stop it–or so I have read. So, what do we do?! I can tell you one thing NOT to do, DON’T STORE THE CHARMIN! Seriously ask yourself, how much do you need for a month? Two rolls a week? Four rolls? Let’s get freaky and say a family of four and six rolls a week; that’s 24 rolls in a month. Did you know Charmin and others come in 30 roll packs? That’s five weeks of cleansing your anal sphincters in one bundle! So, one unopened bundle in reserve pretty much covers your butt for a month.

Food, this is kind of tricky but here is an adage: “Store what you eat, eat what you store.” Now some people don’t get this at first so let’s break it down.

Store what you eat: does your family eat a lot of beans? Then store beans. Does your family never touch beans? Then do not store beans! Don’t store what you and yours won’t eat because when times are tough, they still won’t eat it.

Eat what you store: this applies to lot rotation. A ten year old can of Spam may still be good but, had you been eating the oldest cans first that can would have been eaten years ago and the current can would only be weeks old.

Right now, we are coming into the holidays and with current supply chain issues you may consider spreading out your buying of Samhain, Thanksgiving, Yule, Christmas, Ramadan, or Hanukkah meal ingredients and/or gifts rather than wait for the last minute and be disappointed.

Now, I’m not advising that you need years’ worth of food, but a month is very doable for most people and typically sufficient–not sure where to start? Try Ready.gov Preparing for pandemic lock-downs means vital services such as water, gas, electric, will continue to work. However, are you in hurricane, earthquake, or other natural disaster areas? Consider having water, a means of cooking that is not your home stove, microwave, or instant pot. Small, cheap gas grills and camp stoves are amazing, versatile, and cheap…but don’t forget the GAS! Battery powered lanterns and flashlights are needed as well, but remember: they need batteries, and they will eat them quickly. Cell phones need charging too; many dollar-type stores have reasonably priced battery bricks. Just keep them charged, because a dead battery doesn’t help charge a dead battery.

Buying this stuff isn’t that hard if you write a menu for the week, buy one meal twice and put it back–store what you eat. One bigger item a month ($20 tailgate grill), and in a month you have four days’ worth of food set back.

The biggest advice I can offer if you are in an area where electric or gas disruptions can occur: consider quick cooking versions of your favorite foods. Let’s look at rice; it is easily the most common staple grain in the world, but it takes 20 minutes to cook once the water is boiling! Now Minute rice: boil water, stir in, turn off heat, wait 5 mins, done–you just saved 15 minutes’ worth of gas. The same goes for many “instant” versions of common grains. Also prepacked canned food like Spaghetti-o’s can be eaten directly from the can in a pinch–not recommended, but can be done. Canned meat needs little prep, little cooking, and no freezer space. Canned beef or chicken can be added to Helper type meals too.

Oh, and the all-important coffee! Instant is, well, instant. It will work in cold water in a pinch–an acquired taste–but most prefer hot water. Can’t stand instant? Try a French Press; add grounds, pour in boiling water, wait, press, coffee! Percolators have their place in history but when saving fuel is crucial the French Press saves 10 minutes’ worth of fuel and believe me, those little gas bottles go fast!

Use your imagination, try things before you need them, and use that stove and grill so when the time comes to need it you know how it works and aren’t ruining your meals.