An Ode to Pants, Recently Departed

Andrew Donaldson

Born and raised in West Virginia, Andrew has since lived and traveled around the world several times over. Though frequently writing about politics out of a sense of duty and love of country, most of the time he would prefer discussions on history, culture, occasionally nerding on aviation, and his amateur foodie tendencies. He can usually be found misspelling/misusing words on Twitter @four4thefire and his food writing website Yonder and Home. Andrew is the host of Heard Tell podcast. Subscribe to Andrew's Heard Tell SubStack for free here:

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12 Responses

  1. Oscar Gordon says:

    I too, know the pain of the loss of a comfy pair of cheap trousers that, but for a cruel tear of fate, would have nobly served for years to come.Report

  2. I don’t even have the words to describe how much I love this piece. So awesome.

    And I can’t let the moment pass without giving a shout out to the Avon brand yoga pants that I purchased in 2001 on a triple discount and still mourn to this very day.Report

  3. Em Carpenter says:

    Read the Caesar bit out loud and it’s 10x funnier.Report

  4. These pants were never in Vogue. They’re not the finest material that was ever made. But they’re clothing, and a terrible thing happened to them. So attention must be paid.Report

  5. Michael Cain says:

    I don’t get attached to my clothes. Old computers, OTOH, I tend to hang on to forever, thinking that there will be some good purpose to which I can put them…Report

  6. Aimee says:

    Marc Antony’s speech is one of my favorite Shakespeare soliloquies, and I enjoyed your version of it thoroughly — the last line legit made me snort right here at my desk.

    “Bear with me;
    My heart is in the trashcan with these here pants,
    And I must pause till it come back to me.”

    Thank you very much for the laugh. I do have such sympathy with you; my favorite $5 Old Navy sandals died last summer after years of use and that style is no longer made so I will grieve my sandals indefinitely.Report

  7. DensityDuck says:

    This column was a bit pants.Report

  8. Slade the Leveller says:

    I can truly sympathize. I recently had to pitch a well broken in pair of Levi’s because the crotch had absolutely disintegrated. I wore them around the house, but in the end they were becoming indecent.

    They mock me from the garbage can near the washing machine whenever I go to the basement to do laundry.Report

  9. Fish says:

    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that shreds his pants with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile…

    Good stuff, Andrew.Report