Trigger Warning -- Contains naughty words, disturbing imagery, dysfunction, violent symbolism, misogyny, references to domestic abuse, fire, knives, and Michael Madsen.

Most love songs are sweet and touching little ditties about average people who meet and behave like rational individuals under the influence of slightly more oxytocin (that’s the cuddle hormone, dudes and dudettes) than normal.

Those songs are boring.

Luckily, they make music for twisted and dysfunctional creeps too.

If you, like me and Britney Spears, prefer your romance a little more toxic, I got you covered.

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This Valentine’s Day I hope you get to Netflix and chill with someone who wants your ugly.

And possibly even your disease.

Lady Gaga -- “Bad Romance”

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Ever have that guy that just hangs on a little too tight for a little too long?  Literally?

Sarah Vaughan (remix by Pontus Winnberg) -- “Please Mr. Brown”

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In the interest of gender equity I have to point out that women can cling too tightly sometimes, too.

Melanie, “Brand New Key”

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Kinda noticing as I have these all laid out here most of them are songs by women.

Weird.

In This Moment -- “Whore”

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True love means never having to say “please be my boyfriend”.

Or does it?

“Take a Chance On Me” by ABBA

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My mom always said “To get boys to like you, just be yourself.”

These guys have a totally different take on that concept.

Animotion  -- “Obsession”

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As a general rule I hate the “bitchez be crazy” trope.

But I make exceptions for any song with Michael Madsen in the video.

“Black Widow” by Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora

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Songs about love being like a weapon abound.  Here’s one of my favorites.

“Raise Your Weapon” by deadmau5 ft. Greta Svabo Bech

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Sometimes love is sharp and stabby like some kind of cutting implement.

Gloria Estefan -- “Cuts Both Ways”

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Sia’s album 10,000 Forms of Fear is a paean to female sexuality.

“Straight for the Knife” is the stabbiest song on a fantastic album.

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Sometimes love gets so darn stabby you start planning your own funeral.

The Band Perry -- “Better Dig Two”

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This chick has never heard the adage “There are a lot of fish in the sea”.

Garbage -- “#1 Crush”

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Next up, a song so disturbing I can’t even make a joke about it.

The Crystals -- “He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss”)

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Ever wonder if a wordless song could accurately capture the at-times adversarial nature of love?

I give you Lindsey Stirling’s “Roundtable Rival”.

Sometimes it’s like we’re playing two different instruments, amirite?

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I remember when I first posted on Ordinary Times.  Everyone seemed like ginormous jerks.

But this song was the musical selection that week and I thought “These people can’t be all bad.”

Florence + The Machine -- “Kiss With A Fist”

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Sometimes when it comes to living happily ever after, you’re your own worst enemy.

Amy Winehouse  -- “You Know I’m No Good”

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This one goes out to all the girls out there who get treated like crap and keep comin’ back for more.

“Piece of My Heart” by Janis Joplin

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This one goes out to all the older women who get treated like crap and keep comin’ back for more.

“I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt

Sometimes you know you’re gonna get treated like crap but you keep coming back for more.

Sara Bareilles -- “Lie To Me”

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When you open yourself up for love, you gotta know there’s a possibility you’re gonna get burned.

Eminem ft Rihanna -- “Love The Way You Lie”

Photo by CarbonNYC [in SF!]