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Jaybird

Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com

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12 Responses

  1. Avatar Christopher Carr
    Ignored
    says:

    I actually managed to obtain an advanced copy of the plot of “Is This The Last Fast And Furious Movie? Nein.” staring Ed Sheeran and Emma Stone:

    In Long Beach, California, 16-year old twin brothers Jace and Blaze Barker race their souped-up Toyota Camry’s to win the affections of their little sister Britney’s friend Cindy. When Jace runs a red light to catch up with Blaze, suddenly Jace is cut off by someone going to work who is not driving a souped-up Toyota Camry. Jace accidentally bumps Blaze. The two cars spiral out of control, and Blaze’s car wraps around a telephone poll. He remains in critical condition at Los Angeles County Hospital, where a recent repeal of the Affordable Care Act calls into question whether or not his ICU stay will be covered by insurance. Devastated, and blaming himself, Jace vows to make it up to his twin.

    With the police getting interested in the case, Jace hears about a race in Germany with a prize in bitcoin that would be enough to cover Blaze’s hospital bills. The only catch – the race is run by street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers. While in Germany, Jace befriends Beans, a lovable American expat who is into street racing. Beans explains to Jace that he may talk the talk of the neo-Nazis, but he doesn’t really walk the walk and that he’s really just there for the racing. Beans introduces Jace to Wolfgang, the swastika-tattooed leader of the street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers, along with Wolfgang’s girlfriend, Eva.

    Jace tells Wolfgang that he is from a group of street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers based in Los Angeles, but Wolfgang is suspicious and instructs the henchman computer hacker Hans to investigate Jace’s past. Hans learns that Jace is not actually a neo-Nazi hacker, but he also learns about Jace’s motivations to save his brother Blaze. Wolfgang agrees to help Jace build the most souped-up Volkswagon that has ever been created – on one condition: Jace must join the international brotherhood of street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers.

    Jace struggles with the decision he has to make, but news arrives from home that Jace’s twin brother Blaze’s condition is deteriorating. Jace decides to take Wolfgang up on his offer, but immediately before the indoctrination ceremony, Jace witnesses Wolfgang strike Eva in the face. Jace steals Wolfgang’s souped-up Audi along with Eva and heads to the autobahn with a fleet of souped-up silver BMWs with tinted windows driven by Wolfgang’s henchmen and members of the street racing neo-Nazi computer hacker international brotherhood in pursuit. One by one, Jace outmaneuvers the silver BMWs, only for Wolfgang to arrive on the scene in a souped-up yellow BMW with swastikas painted on it.

    Also at this time, the bundespolizei and Interpol investigation into the neo-Nazi group’s illegal street racing and hacking activity comes to a critical head. The special law enforcement teams decide to send a race-equiped team of special operative police into the field in souped-up black Mercedes with tinted windows to pursue Wolfgang and Jace. It is revealed that the police groups at one point believed Jace to be an accomplice of Wolfgang and the neo-Nazis. But they have since learned the truth about Jace and secretly have been using him as an informant the entire time after it is revealed that Beans is actually an undercover CIA operative working with the German bundespolizei and Interpol.

    Jace outraces Wolfgang despite the latter’s superior equipment, thereby delivering him into the hands of Beans, whose real name is Agent Johnson, and the special operative police force team. Jace then enters a tunnel and has a moment of privacy with Eva, during which he reveals his true feelings to her. She reveals that she has in fact never been a neo-Nazi but is an investigative journalist that was working on a story about the neo-Nazi street racing hacker group and is totally not a Nazi. They kiss.

    Later on, there are lots of blurry flashing lights in the background and miscellaneously-placed police tape around the scene where Jace brought the souped-up Audi that he stole from Wolfgang to rest in order to kiss Eva. Beans reveals to Jace that Blaze is doing much better thanks to an emergency Congressional meeting that approved compassionate use of a new stem cell product that the CIA had been working on. During the same Congressional meeting, the Affordable Care Act was upheld, which meant that Blaze’s ICU stay would be protected under the twins’ parents’ insurance.

    Credits roll. German punk music plays in the background. After the credits, Jace and Blaze happily race souped-up Porsche’s along the same street in Long Beach from the opening scene.Report

  2. Avatar El Muneco
    Ignored
    says:

    The new series of Doctor Who isn’t bad so far. Pity Capaldi’s leaving just when he and the writers started agreeing about the character.

    The new series of Top Gear isn’t bad either, back to the original formula – Three Men And A Stig, with a Brit on the couch for a long interview segment, a race through somewhere weird, and a supercar.

    But mostly, the long summer has turned to autumn, portents of the winter chill are in the air, and that can only mean one thing – Aussie Rules Football!Report

    • Avatar Kimmi in reply to El Muneco
      Ignored
      says:

      I didn’t hear anything good about Capaldi, which is presumably a bad sign.Report

      • Avatar El Muneco in reply to Kimmi
        Ignored
        says:

        That’s kind of what I was getting at – early on everyone, especially the writers, were overly concerned with making him not-Matt-Smith (combined with regeneratuon PTSD), and with keeping Clara at one more.arm’s length than the 0 of the previous season – he came across as cold and unsympathetic because he was.

        Plus there were some awful scripts that no one could have saved.

        But this past season, when they started figuring out why he was so abrasive and started growing him… When he surprised Clara and the Master by riding into a room on a tank while playing an electric guitar. Then he started growing into the character.Report

  3. Avatar Maribou
    Ignored
    says:

    Stayed up all night rereading Too Like the Lightning and then started in on Seven Surrenders.

    Many of you would either love or hate these books but I’m pretty sure not many of you would mildly enjoy them.Report

  4. Avatar Slade the Leveller
    Ignored
    says:

    I just finished Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby, who has yet to write something I won’t read. As a fan of XTC, this novel cut a bit too close to home, with its wry portrayal of a fan of a musician who hasn’t recorded in decades.

    Mrs. Slade and I are enjoying The Crown on Netflix. I watch each episode incredulous that the Brits put up with such an anachronistic institution as the monarchy.Report

  5. Avatar Pinky
    Ignored
    says:

    What I remember about watching Guardians of the Galaxy is thinking, “this is Slither”. I don’t know if James Gunn has a second movie in him. I know, people like their big-budget superhero sequels to be identical to the original, but even so, this might not be as big a hit as people expect.Report

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