X-Men Animated Was Stupid
For some weird reason, some people consider the Fox X-Men series from the nineties to be a good cartoon. In fact, it is not. Not even a little bit. I actually enjoyed it when I first saw it, but they dusted it off when the first movie came out and I discovered really that it was terrible. Just to illustrate the point, I am going to make a list of ridiculous things from the first episode alone.
- The voice acting of the newscaster narrating Sabretooth’s rampage is bad.
- The opening scene, wherein Jubilee’s foster parents are talking about what to do with their mutant doctor, has pretty ham-fisted dialogue.
- The Sentinels are stupid. If you have these six ton robots, this is a really odd deployment of them. In residential zones? Shopping malls? The things break everything when they walk. They’e also so big and clumsy, they’re not even the best thing to try to bag mutants.
- There’s not a whole lot of reasons for the Sentinels to go after Jubilee unless they’re going after all mutants. To the extent that Jubilee in particular poses a danger, it’s because she destroys electronics. So you send a robot? Later explained as a test case using a random file, though maybe for the first outing you want to be a little less random?
- Jubilee leaves no thought unsaid aloud so that viewers can hear what she’s thinking, even if it should be pretty obvious from context. If being a mutant is a bad thing, that’s one thought in particular you wouldn’t be talking to yourself with in an arcade.
- Why is gambit wearing his costume/uniform at a shopping mall? How does Storm magically transform her clothes into the silver costume? (Maybe there’s an answer to the latter one.)
- As mentioned earlier, the Sentinels going after Jubilee is weird unless they’re going after every mutant. Except that, when threatened by Storm and Rogue, he identifies them as unidentified mutants and ignores them. (But then, later, when Gambit is on the floor and vulnerable, he identifies him as an identified mutant but for some reason decides is “expendable.”) The inconsistency itself is not the biggest issue here. The biggest issue is that he ignored Storm and Rogue when they were threats, and decided to eliminate Gambit when he wasn’t. If it uses judgment on such things, it should have gone the other way around.
- Hey Jubilee, if you’re hiding from a robot, stop talking to yourself. Saying “I hope he doesn’t see me, I hope he doesn’t see me” to anything you’re hiding from is unusually stupid even for a show like this.
- Cyclops dialogue is bad.
- Why are they wearing their costumes while lounging?
- This is a weird school. There appear to be no students other than Jubilee. Not for a lack of mutants being around, though.
- The Mutant Control Agency is said to be private. Where do they get their money (other than “sometimes supported by the government”?). The Sentinel identifies itself as being “law enforcement.” If it’s not, it seems to me they’re going to have to pay that mall a whole lot of money.
- “Someone at the Mutant Control Agency has a hidden agenda.” This appears to be the least hidden agenda ever. The “hidden agenda” could speak to why they are interested in Jubilee in particular, and the next scene suggests that maybe it’s because of her association with the X-Men. Except… until they went after her, no such association existed.
- I’ll actually let the “X-Men chatting while secretly approaching a place they’re about to raid” slide, though combine that with the mutants talking as though they’ve never really talked about how mutants came to be is a little over the top.
- Maybe if you’re a school that helps mutants, you take the mutant registration files with you?
- Beast’s method of deleting the files from the system probably wasn’t “poetry” but a better way of doing it than destroying the computer, as Storm did.