A Trip to the Doctor
Sam Columbia visited the doctor yesterday for a routine checkup. His doctor, Dr. Smith, was examining his lab work and his test results.
Dr. Smith – Your test results came back. You have hypertension.
Sam Columbia – Hypertension? What does that mean?
Smith – It’s very common. Basically, it means that your blood pressure is elevated. It’s very common in someone your age. Are you exercising?
Columbia – No, not really.
Smith – What’s your diet like?
Columbia – I gotta admit, I eat a lot of junk food. Lots of processed stuff, salty snacks, and sweets.
Smith – Our best bet is to make some lifestyle changes. Try to get 30-60 minutes of exercise a day. I recommend starting by taking walks around your neighborhood. And it might be time to start eating additional vegetables. Hypertension is manageable, but if we don’t get it under control, your risk of coronary artery disease really starts to skyrocket. I have this great cookbook I recommend: lots of good, home-cooked, easy meals, and there are quite a few healthy ones in there that could make a real difference for you. You want to be around for your grandkids, right?
Columbia – Yeah, I do.
Smith – Good.
Columbia walked out. He thought about it for a while, but he wasn’t convinced by Smith’s solution. So he did some research and he found another doctor: Dr. Trump.
Dr. Trump – Look, Sam, I’m looking at your blood pressure here, and it’s off the charts, it’s awful, it’s really dangerous. Your resting heart rate is really high, too. If we don’t get this turned around soon, it’s gonna be a real disaster.
Columbia – What do we do?
Trump – Trust me on this. We have this great stuff that we can do to reduce blood pressure and your heart rate: morphine. I know the guys who manufacture this stuff, they’re great, they’re Americans, smartest guys you’ll ever meet, went to the best schools. We’ll hook you up to this IV right here, we’ll run the morphine into your bloodstream, and we’ll get your heart rate and your blood pressure way, way down.
Columbia – It’s just a simple treatment? But what about diet and exercise?
Trump – Look, all these other doctors, they’re morons, OK? They don’t know what they’re doing. We’re dealing with very, very stupid people. I know what I’m doing, I’m very successful, I have a great practice in this great office, wonderful receptionist, the very best nurses. This is the way to go.
Image by jeffeaton