The Problem of Instruction in Literature: Proper Kinky Sex Edition

I watched a documentary about the making of Marnie a few years ago. The screenwriter came from a very prosperous Philadelphia Mainline family. She once mentioned that she was on the set and saw Sean Connery’s character (a Philadelphia Mainline scion) driving some expensive, whale of a car. She complained to Alfred Hitchcock that no Mainliner would drive that car, they would drive a beat pick-up truck because really rich people don’t always go for new things. Hitchcock’s reply was essentially that he knew that but the expensive, whale of a car was what people outside of the Northeast would imagine a rich Philadelphia Mainline scion driving.

Fifty Shades of Grey is the expensive, whale of a car for the BDSM and kink communities.

The purpose is not to show a realistic depiction of the intricacies of kinky sex. The purpose is to provide a complete and total fantasy of the idea of kinky sex. I would guess that the kinky sex is also one of the lesser fantasies in Fifty Shades. The whole novel seems to be based on entering a world that most people cannot imagine and the real nature of that world is one of extreme wealth. Mr. Grey is a just a more dangerous version of Prince Charming to Anastasia Steele’s Cinderella.

Fifty Shades of Grey the movie is set to open this weekend and will probably earn a lot of money despite ridicule. For those lucky enough to live under a rock, Fifty Shades of Grey was possibly one of strangest publishing blockbusters of the 21st century. The series of books started as Twilight fanfic by a TV executive, quickly became a self-published phenomenon of its own, before being picked up by a major publisher and selling even more copies.

Emma Green considered the problematic nature of Fifty Shades of Grey and the sex it portrays. The short version of the article is that Fifty Shades of Grey vastly distorts how consensual BDSM and kinky sex operates in reality, especially with issues of safe words (or lack thereof in the novels) and what is acceptable to do in public or not. Fifty Shades downplays or ignores all the explicit and often written rules of the BDSM and kink communities. These are the rules that let people build up enough trust to engage in very kinky and potentially very dangerous sex.

The conflict between actual kinky sex and the kinky sex in Fifty Shades does raise some interesting questions: Is it ethical to have inaccurate portraits of actual communities in fiction and to what degree? How do you incorporate prose about the complex rules of kinky sex (as an example) without it boring the readers to tears? Fifty Shades of Grey is a novel, seemingly aimed at women in their thirties through their fifties, who are not necessarily part of the kink community, and don’t necessarily want to join the kink community. The book is a fantasy on many levels (especially the idea that a journalism student can score an interview with a Captain Of Industry) and also involves more traditional romance fantasies (marrying the incredibly rich and handsome young guy).

There is also the issue that cultures and groups want themselves portrayed with accuracy but mainstream entertainment is not necessarily interested in doing this because it ruins the fantasy and structurally can ruin the plot and pacing. No one wants to read or sit through the protagonists getting a lecture on kinky sex or see them explicitly write out what is and is not okay. That ruins the fantasy, and it is also really dull, just like a lot of actual lawyer work is not shown on TV or in the movies. Who wants to sit and watch a young associate pore over case law for ten hours while eating a salad at his or her desk for lunch? The answer is no one. BDSM is sexy and thrilling to think about. Rule books are not. I am not involved in the kink community but I know people who are and they tend not to be mainstream in more than one way as well and have some bohemian streaks and/or connections to other subcultures. The mainstream nature of the main characters in Fifty Shades is remarkable.

It is also probably unlikely that Mr. Grey would be on the dominant side. During the Spitzer scandal, WYNC (NPR in New York) decided to interview a professional dominatrix. If she was correct, a lot of really rich and powerful men enjoy being submissive because it is one time when they are not in control and giving orders. She also said that a lot of these men are afraid to approach their wives about kinky sex requests because they worry about being immediately hit with divorce papers and having the information leaked to someplace like the New York Observer (tabloid for the Silk Stalking District.) Other stories and anecdotal evidence, confirms the submissive streak of rich men. Yet including this bit of reality would also probably destroy a large part of the 50 Shades fantasy. How can Mr. Grey be mad, bad, and dangerous to know if he is the one who likes being spanked?

Fifty Shades of Grey does seem to be encouraging people to try different sex acts including bondage, submission, role play, etc but not in a way that involves proper communication because it appears doubtful that E.L. James was ever part of the kink community. I also don’t know how far that average Fifty Shades of Grey reader is going to go The best thing for the kink community to do in this case is probably to try a little tenderness and educate newly interested kinksters after the fact. Or to try and educate if and when people begin googling for kinky sex tips because of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Teaching in art and literature is always best when done with a supremely light touch. This is teaching done through example. The Ox-Bow Incident teaches about the dangers of mob justice by showing the moral horror of the crowd after they realize that they lynched an innocent man. Death of a Salesman criticizes ruthless competition by showing how Willy Loman is psychologically destroyed when he can no longer compete and is cast away without anyone remembering all his years of loyalty.

These are not works of lecturing but of emotional empathy and recognition. There is probably a way to educate newcomers about the proper ins and outs of kinky sex, but a pages-long lecture in escapist romantic literature is not that place.