Damn You, Dave Barry
To see why I really, really, hate Dave Barry, look no further than the start of his year-end review:
A huge airliner simply vanished, and to this day nobody has any idea what happened to it, despite literally thousands of hours of intensive speculation on CNN.
It may not show (in fact, I very much hope it doesn’t), but a one-liner, tossed off in a comment, might have been polished or wholly rewritten five or six or a dozen times, until it’s clear, concise, puts the snap at the end, and looks like there’s no way to improve it. And still, I almost never achieve the pure perfection of that sentence above. Worse, it’s not just the one joke: Barry has gems throughout the four thousand words of that piece. For me to do that would take time approaching the 17 years it took James Joyce to rework Finnegans Wake into absolute gibberish.
Honestly, it’s almost enough to make me give up and put that energy into stuff I get paid for.