FOOD FIGHT!

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Kazzy

One man. Two boys. Twelve kids.

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95 Responses

  1. Avatar Kazzy says:

    I considered putting crepes somewhere on the list, but their dichotomous sweet versus savory identify crisis made them too hard to place.Report

    • Avatar dragonfrog says:

      It’s tricky – if you’re standing on top of a waffle, you might not notice them unless you crane your neck waaaaaay back. So high you wouldn’t realize the awesome scale reached that far up from where you are.Report

  2. Avatar Patrick says:

    You obviously have never had good pancakes.Report

    • Avatar Kazzy says:

      What does a pancake have that a waffle doesn’t? A waffle has crisp, fluffiness, lightness… a pancake is just dense crap.Report

      • Avatar Jaybird says:

        What does a pancake have that a waffle doesn’t?

        Breakfastosity rather than dessertosity.Report

      • Avatar Kimmi says:

        You’ve obviously not had good pancakes. I have a fabulous southern recipe, and I’ve had “world famous” midwestern pancakes.

        Southern are fluffy, a bit browned, light as a feather….
        Midwestern style are like crepes — except far far less eggy. Crispy edges, thin, oooh, I could go for some now!Report

      • Avatar Glyph says:

        If pancakes are good enough for Prince, they are good enough for me.

        Pancakes.Report

      • Avatar Jaybird says:

        Additionally:

        Making a face on waffles is exponentially more difficult than making a face on pancakes.Report

      • Avatar Kazzy says:

        “All My Friends are Breakfast Items: The Jaybird Story”… next… on the Hallmark Channel.Report

      • Avatar Chris says:

        I will be eating waffles tomorrow, and I have now resolved to make faces on them and take pictures of them. I suppose this will be my contribution to the food symposium (I was working on something on food and place, but this seems more relevant).

        Also, Dave Chapelle’s Prince remains the one thing I truly love about that show. The Charlie Murphy Prince story, along with the Chapelle reenactment, remains one of the funniest things I have ever seen.Report

      • Avatar Glyph says:

        That’s the “one thing”? Man, I loved a lot of that show.

        The best part is the repeated “pancakes”, and Murphy’s 1000-yard stare. Like after all these years, that’s the detail he still can’t believe.Report

      • Avatar Chris says:

        Yeah, I feel like a lot of the show has been tainted, or was always tainted, in a lot of ways. If nothing else, then because what it did to Chapelle personally. But that Prince skit, dear god it’s funny.Report

      • Avatar Kimmi says:

        Chris,
        if you’re going to be bothered by comedians tearing themselves to bits onstage, you might as well give up comedy.Report

    • Avatar Glyph says:

      Man, I’d love to include more of that Review “Pancakes” episode, but I don’t want to spoil it. Watch Review everybody! It’s getting a second season, woo-hoo!Report

  3. Avatar j r says:

    Hmm… I’d take pancakes almost every time, followed by French toast. Don’t dislike waffles, but can probably count on my hands the number of times I’ve gone with them over pancakes or French toast.

    Also, the crisp thing isn’t really a selling point for me. I actually like my pancakes a little under-cooked; therefore, extra doughy.Report

    • Avatar Kimmi says:

      You should come try some good Liege waffles.
      For one thing, they’re sour-bread, and with a light carmelized sugar on the outside?
      Pure heaven.Report

  4. Avatar Tod Kelly says:

    I don’t get it. Where is the corn beef hash?Report

    • Avatar Kazzy says:

      This isn’t a comprehensive ranking of breakfast foods but, rather, an assessment of the relative strength of the super-bready breakfast options.Report

      • Avatar Tod Kelly says:

        I still don’t get it. Where’s the corn beef hash?Report

      • Avatar Kazzy says:

        @tod-kelly

        I’ll confess to not even really knowing what corned beef hash is. I think my stepfather used to eat it but he has some midwest roots in him and I always assumed that was why. I think I ate it cold out of a can on an ill-fated camping trip one time. It tasted like someone had eaten something rather delicious, threw it back up, washed up 80% of the vomit taste and retained 50% of the original taste. In other words, not bad, but not something I’d get internet-angry about. What am I missing?Report

      • @kazzy “I’ll confess to not even really knowing what corned beef hash is.”

        That may be the saddest sentence I’ve read in ages.Report

      • Ditto. I love corned beef hash. While I actually like the canned stuff (in addition to fresh), I recommend eating it warmed up and not cold.Report

      • Avatar Tod Kelly says:

        @kazzy “I’ll confess to not even really knowing what corned beef hash is.”

        Russell is right, that’s just sad.

        Also, you should know that what your stepfather ate out of a can is *not* corned beef hash. I’m pretty sure that the stuff they sell in a can and call corned beef hash is repurposed dog food. In fact, when you see hash in a restaurant you need to ask if theirs is from a can. If it is, you’ll get this kind of flat grilled patty of goo. If you can eat all of it, you’ve a stronger digestive system than I.

        But if you get *real* corned beef hash, Kazzy, this is what you get:

        The cook starts by frying chopped onions in a cast iron skillet until they are just becoming golden brown. He then throws in already cooked pieces of potatoes and chopped corn beef, and fries the lot until everything in the pan has a crispy, browned outside skin covering soft and moist insides. He then puts that on a plate, and — right before he serves it — tops it off with an over easy egg that drips yolk into the greasy heaven that sits before you the moment your fork first hits the plate.

        *That* is corned beef hash.Report

      • Avatar Kazzy says:

        @tod-kelly

        What you describe, I can get on board with. Especially if it’s cooked real crisp and topped with a dash or two of Tabasco. Seems like my description of the cold canned stuff was fair.

        But can others weigh in on this being a decidedly non-NYC food?Report

      • Avatar Tod Kelly says:

        Oh, absolutely on the Tabasco sauce.

        Others would have to weigh in on the NY piece, but fwiw all of the “New York-style” delis on the west coast that I’ve ever been to serve CBH. Which might have more to do with what west-coasters think NYers are like than it does about what NYers are like.Report

      • Tod,

        (While I said I liked “fresh” corned beef hash, it’s probably the case that what I consider “fresh” is from a can and I just don’t realize it.)

        I’ve never made corned beef hash but have wanted to. How do you suggest pre-cooking the potatoes? Fry them ahead of time? Boil and then dice? Dice and then boil?

        I also think garlic, and maybe some parsley, might taste good in CBH, too. But I’ve never tried it.Report

  5. Avatar Burt Likko says:

    French toast über alles. On this list, anyway. Neither pancakes nor waffles have custard into which bourbon may be integrated.Report

  6. Avatar Robert Greer says:

    French toast is great because you can make it with spiced-up banana or pumpkin bread. Last weekend our friends had us over for pancakes, and we sliced up some pear and sautéed it (sans oil) before putting it on top of the pancakes with some chopped walnuts — highly recommended!Report

    • Avatar Kimmi says:

      And this is why I hate french toast. French toast is only to be made with bread so stale that the custard softens it, not making the whole thing turn to mush. I hate mushy bread.Report

  7. Avatar Kazzy says:

    French toast and waffles run neck-and-neck for me, but the possibility of chicken and waffles gives the latter a slight edge.

    Fuck pancakes.Report

  8. Avatar Chris says:

    This is so true that there may in fact be a physical law that describes it. Pancakes are basically dense, filling, uninteresting syrup and butter holders.Report

  9. Avatar KatherineMW says:

    I love all three of them.

    French toast is best if you have bread that’s starting to go stale and needs to be used up; it seems wasteful to use fresh bread for it.

    Waffles are great but far more work than pancakes (at least for me, because I have a Belgian waffle maker and a recipe that involves separating the eggs).

    Pancakes are quick, easy, and enjoyable.

    All of the above are better with white flour rather than whole-wheat; whole wheat makes them too dense and not fluffy enough.Report

    • Avatar Glyph says:

      I’ll quibble slightly with your last para, but only on store-bought Eggo waffles. I find the whole wheat ones more satisfying, the standard ones just evaporate in your stomach in seconds and you are hungry again.

      Never get the low-fat ones though. That’s like eating packing material.Report

  10. Avatar Vikram Bath says:

    Something I’ve come to note is that basically no place uses actual maple syrup. Even 4-star hotels give you some maple-flavored concoction. Granted, a bottle of real maple syrup is priced like a bottle of single-malt scotch, but I think it’s worth it.Report

    • Avatar Chris says:

      R. has recently discovered, and begun using almost exclusively, pure cane syrup. I can’t stand it.Report

    • Avatar KatherineMW says:

      My family uses only pure maple syrup – but we’re Canadian, so I guess you expect that.Report

    • Avatar Murali says:

      Actual maple syrup kinda sucks. Its thin, runny and not all that sweet. The maple flavoured high fructose corn syrup is the thing that hits the spot.Report

      • What color is the sky on your world?Report

      • Avatar Murali says:

        Its black now because its 11:27 pm. Its just that I’ve bought the real stuff. I’ve bought the fake stuff. And I preferred the fake stuff to the real stuff.Report

      • ” Its thin, runny and not all that sweet.”

        Strangely enough, that’s one reason why I prefer real maple. I don’t like a lot of syrup on my pancakes to begin with, and while I like sweet, I don’t like the ueber sweetness of pseudo-maple syrup.Report

      • Avatar Vikram Bath says:

        Not to get all maple nerd on you, but since it’s made through distillation, maple syrup is available in a lot of different grades (just like diesel is different from jet fuel and from gasoline even though all are made from oil).

        From the sound of it, you’d probably want one of the grades labeled as “fancy”. They tend to be sweeter, more clear, and have less of a maple flavor. Many of the other grades are intended for cooking even though the seller might not mention that.Report

      • Avatar zic says:

        @vikram-bath Actually, the best is the dark, Grade B syrup. The Fancy is the least desirable; we sell it to tourists.Report

      • Avatar Vikram Bath says:

        Personally, I agree, but if he’s saying it’s not sweet enough…Report

      • Avatar zic says:

        Fancy isn’t as sweet.

        The different grades generally come from different time periods through the sap season; fancy being the very first runs, when the roots aren’t releasing as much sugar and minerals yet. It isn’t as sweet; it’s more ‘delicate.’ The later runs, as the trees begin to start their leaf-buds, are the Grade A and Grade B runs; and have more flavor, more color, more minerals, and taste sweeter. (The grading has nothing to do with ‘distillation,’ btw; all syrup is made the same way — boiling it down until the sugar concentration is great enough to act as a preservative.)Report

  11. Avatar Damon says:

    Panatone French Toast. Add almond extract to your egg/cream wash.

    It’s the bomb biatches!

    THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
    (and it’s this)Report

  12. Avatar zic says:

    1. Pancakes, made with a fermented batter;
    2. French toast, made with home-made bread;
    3. Waffles, also made with a fermented batter.

    All of the above served with real maple syrup; none of that sugar-syrup and corn syrup flavored with fenugreek and colored with caramel. Or whatever.

    And the reason waffles are #3 is because they require specialized equipment that serves no other purpose. I pretty much despise those types of gadgets taking up space in my kitchen. But I do have a non-electric waffle iron; just hinged waffle plates that you use over a hot burner.

    And your forgot popovers and crepes. Popovers, (ratio is 1 cup flour to 1 egg to 1/2 cup of milk) are practically perfect. Crepes, essentially super-thin pancakes, are ideal for foods from savory to sweet.

    When I’ve got leftover turkey around, I’ll often make crepes. Fill them with a mixture of chopped turkey, apple, celery, maybe an onion, a few raisins bound with a small amount of gravy, roll ’em up, put in a baking dish, and top with a bit more gravy, bake until heated through. My kids loved this when they were small. We did a 3-course crepe dinner once; a salad crepe, filled with fresh veggies, served cold with a dressing; chicken (not turkey crepes) and apple crepes with ice cream for desert.

    And waffles, pancakes, and french toast are best as supper foods, not breakfast.Report

    • Avatar KatherineMW says:

      Ooh, I’ve never had that crepe filling, but it sounds delicious. I’m remembering that for Christmas leftovers (basically equals turkey + dressing in a crepe).Report

  13. Avatar Glyph says:

    Is “Gifts of Gab” only loading intermittently for anyone else?Report

  14. Avatar Murali says:

    Pancakes beat waffles. Pancakes beat French toast. And while an ordinary French toast beats an ordinary waffle or an ordinary pancake, I’ve never had a French toast that beat a good pancake or a good waffle.Report

  15. Um… where the holy hell are biscuits and gravy?Report

    • Avatar Kazzy says:

      @russell-saunders

      Goddamnit, people! This is not a comprehensive ranking of every breakfast food ever! It is a purely objective and scientifically -arrived-at ordering of these three particular breakfast items.Report

    • Russell:

      That was my question, too.

      Kazzy:

      It’s been scientifically proven that biscuits and gravy are the best breakfast food ever. No exceptions.Report

      • There’s a place in Seattle called Serious Biscuit that we kind of randomly found on vacation the summer before last, which (obviously) rocks a mean array of fantastic biscuit-based breakfasts.

        We went back to Seattle as part of vacation again this past summer, and made a point of returning.Report

      • Wow. If I ever go to Seattle, I’ll keep that in mind.

        (By the way, it’s nice to see you back in these parts.)Report

      • @gabriel-conroy Thanks, man. I’ve gotten side-tracked by other demands over the past several months. But those demands seem to be tapering off, and I’m hoping to spend more time back here so as to remind myself why I liked writing on the Internet to begin with.Report