Fantasy Football Week 5 In Review And NFL Open Thread

Analysts Contumelious with press holding Down the Forte!!!!

Despite strong efforts from Forte and Thomas, the rest of Thunderlips’ team had a lackluster day. While the ContumeliousAnalysts had had the Wright stuff with Kendal scoring his highest total yet and outscoring his last two weeks combined. Add to that Murray doing his normal thing and Antonio opening up the flood Gates, coach Jaybird has the Streak of the Week up to four! Our reporter was able to talk to both coaches in this contest.

Tu: Wow, complete drubbing this week coach.
Dman: Sigh, yes, coach Jaybird has his team playing at a very high level.
Tu: And yours seems to be dwindling into mediocrity.
Dman: Ouch, so I had a bad week. Jaybird has been on a roll. It will be beetr next week.
Tu: You do realise you would have lost to all but two people right?
Dman: Sigh.

Tu: Over to coach Jaybird… Another solid win coach. You are still on a roll.
Jaybird: I’ve been working on smack talk.
Tu: Oh?
Jaybird: I’ve been working the crime, domestic abuse, and child abuse scandals into my declarative statements. “Imma beat you so bad, people will ask you if your daddy is Ray Lewis!”
Tu: If you won’t listen to advice that says “you should keep smack talk generic”, you might want to listen to advice that says “you should pay more attention to the scandals themselves if you’re going to work them into your repertoire.”
Jaybird: Wait, let me do some quick googling… I’m going to be so electrifying, people are going to ask you if you’re Derrick Shelby.
Tu: I hadn’t heard about this one…
Jaybird: He got tazed over the weekend.
Tu: Maybe we should go back to existential musings on the futility of randomness.
Jaybird: Suit yourself… and if you suit yourself in the leg, people will think that you’re Plaxico Burress.
Tu: And definitely stay away from puns.

Freak and Peak of the Week

The Levellers have been slowly improving each week until now. This week they launched themselves into orbit with the highest score of any team for the entire season. They had five players score in the twenties, and only two players scored a little below their projects. All this while coach Brian had Davis rocking the donut and only two players scoring above their projections.

Squeak of the Week

What does one team having a player score 34 and another team having a player score 6 have in common? The same overall score. In a shock finale, the Wildcats and Warriors bounced off each other and came away with a draw. It looks like Nostradamus’ prediction for the Wildcats came true and the Week in Review must have misinterpreted the Quatrains for the Warriors and they should have had a tie as well. We will fix it when the time comes.

The Quatrains of Nostradamus

The Week in Review needs to apologize to Nostradamus. We must have read something wrong and not given the Partisan Warriors and tie. Still, things are not going well as the Levellers get their last win and it looks like the predictions for the DownSouth Dragon could be very, very wrong.

Remember dear reader that the records listed below are the number of wins and losses still needed for Nostradamus to be proven right.

ContumeliousAnalysts: 6-3
Team Pooh Bear: 6-2-1 AKA: The Anointed Ones
Thunderlips Express: 5-2-2
Waynesport Wildcats: 6-3
Partisan Warrior’s: 5-5-(1)
DownSouth Dragons: 6-3
The Levellers: 0- 9
Brian’s Best Team: 1-8

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