If People Talked to Gay Men Like They Talked to Vegetarians: A dialogue
“But don’t you miss having sex with women?” asked Frank.
“I haven’t ever tried it to miss it,” said Bill.
“But don’t you want to?”
“Wait. You mean you’ve never had sex with a woman, ever since you were born?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Actually, you just start off not having had sex with any of them and keep going with the not-having-sex-with-them part.”
“But how do you release your stress? Sex with women is how men stay nonviolent. Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama have Nobel Peace Prizes, and they have sex with women.”
“There are other ways to release stress. Sex isn’t the only possible way, let alone sex exclusively with women.”
“But we were meant to have sex with women. Our penises are shaped precisely like the void space of a vagina, and it’s never, ever been awkward or uncomfortable for anyone who’s ever tried it!”
“It’s great that that’s been working out for you, but penises are actually capable of doing a lot of things. I understand that on the internet there are people who do a lot more imaginative things with them than I would consider attempting.”
“Still, I think you should try having sex with a woman.”
“It’s just an experience everyone should have. How can you be sure that having sex with women isn’t great if you’ve never tried it?”
“I guess that’s a fair point, but isn’t it enough that I just don’t want to? Also, there’s the nontrivial matter of finding someone willing to indulge my lack of curiosity.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. Women don’t have souls.”