How To Apologize

Avatar

Kazzy

One man. Two boys. Twelve kids.

Related Post Roulette

15 Responses

  1. Avatar Mike Schilling says:

    I’m not a big Ed Schulz fan, but he did a great apology too, directly after the offense.

    Report

  2. Avatar Miss Mary says:

    I love Jonah Hill. I’m glad that he took responsibility for his mistake. He’s human, he did something egregious, he feels remorse. I can continue respecting him, and that makes me happy. I hope that people can forgive me for my mistakes, so it’s the least I can do for others, right?Report

  3. Avatar zic says:

    words have weight and meaning

    use me as an example

    be still my beating heart, for this man understands how to be a real human.Report

  4. Avatar Glyph says:

    Ah, I saw this and wondered if this would come up here. I’m glad Kazzy wrote about it, because it made me think of the kerfuffle with the pugnacious football player using the n-word with the security guard (sorry, don’t remember the names?).

    IIRC, Kazzy’s position at that time was that the fact that the football player even had that word in his vocabulary and would reach for it, said something about his innate character or attitude about black people.

    I maintained that we all can say things, when we are sufficiently emotionally-provoked or looking for “fighting words”, that don’t necessarily mean much about our actual day-to-day attitudes or feelings.

    I can tell you we used “f*g” as an insult all the time as kids, without really meaning “homosexual” (we didn’t know or think that much about *actual* homosexuality, to be honest) – it was just a “bad” word used to mean “lame” or “weak” (and of course we knew it was a “bad” word, which was why it had such appeal).

    I guarantee Jonah Hill probably did the same as a kid – and the word was even additionally probably used lots of times when it wasn’t even a “real” insult; it was just something to yell at your Mario Kart opponent in jest.

    When it’s fight or flight time, these old words, lurking in dark corners of our brains from childhood, can come to mind precisely *because* we know they are bad words, and can hurt or provoke a response.

    But unless it’s a pattern, I think it’s often more a matter of our primitive brains looking for a sharp stick to poke with, in the heat of the moment; not necessarily a character flaw or attitude we hold in truth.

    Of course, immediately offering a first-class apology, as Hill did, goes a long way towards clarifying whether it is one, or the other.Report

    • Avatar Mike Schilling in reply to Glyph says:

      You sound like a fishing libertoonian.

      Oops.Report

    • Avatar Kazzy in reply to Glyph says:

      @glyph

      Great comment. The difference I’d say exists between the Riley Cooper incident and this one is exactly what you point out: for people of his (my… your?) generation, the f-word and its derivatives were part of the vocabulary. They shouldn’t have been. But they were. So they lurked. As he said, he wanted to use the most hurtful word he could.

      But with Cooper, who is similarly aged, the n-word was not a part of our vocab. Or shouldn’t have been. If it lurked in him, that is more problematic.

      However, I would probably walk back the strength of that criticism. There are other ways that word can work its way into someone’s brain. I heard it growing up used in a hateful way. He could have been exposed to it in other ways. It is not necessarily a word he used during Mario Kart.Report

      • Avatar Glyph in reply to Kazzy says:

        Well, I grew up in the South, and I can tell you the n-word was still in fairly common use, though I am a bit older than you.

        Not that it justifies it, but there it was, in ways both intentionally-derogatory about black people, and ALSO used in ways more like “f*g”; as terms passed down to us from older people, that we didn’t even think much about, other than that they were sort of “bad” and therefore “funny” (=an alternate name for certain types of nuts; a term for knocking on doors and running away).

        Point I’m making is, I can see almost any slur *that I have ever heard* coming out of my mouth, if I’m made mad or frightened enough.

        Not necessarily because I *believe* the negative associations with that slur, or even ever think about it that much; but because I am aware that slur can *hurt or provoke*, and in that moment, that is all I care about.Report

      • Avatar Kazzy in reply to Kazzy says:

        I think I initially held Cooper to too high a standard with regards to his relationship to that word.Report

      • Avatar Mike Schilling in reply to Kazzy says:

        There’s a difference here: as far as I can tell, Hill made a generalized slur against the paparazzo’s masculinity. AFAIK, Hill had no idea if the guy was actually gay or not. Here, I’m thinking Glyph’s point about stuff lodging in your hindbrain makes complete sense: Hill had experience with accusations of homosexuality being used to insult and degrade, and when he was mad enough, out that came.

        The guys Cooper called the N-word were, in fact, black, and I’m having a hard time picturing that he would have called a white bouncer that, no matter how mad he was. So what Cooper has lodged in his brain is that any white man can insult and degrade any black man by calling him that name, and somehow playing in the NFL, surrounded by black teammates, hasn’t changed that.Report

  5. Avatar KatherineMW says:

    Oh, that F-word. That makes more sense. I was wondering why a celeb telling a papparazo to F-off would be deserving of a major apology.Report

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *