Stupid Tuesday questions, zesty lemon edition

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Russell Saunders

Russell Saunders is the ridiculously flimsy pseudonym of a pediatrician in New England. He has a husband, three sons, daughter, cat and dog, though not in that order. He enjoys reading, running and cooking. He can be contacted at blindeddoc using his Gmail account. Twitter types can follow him @russellsaunder1.

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30 Responses

  1. I believe I speak from experience when I say that the said inconvenience can happen to a four year old hosting a tea party.

    Of course, perhaps “trauma” is the more appropriate word.Report

  2. Avatar NewDealer says:

    A person is stranded on a ship and their only source of citrus/Vitamin C is a container of recalled zesty lemon cookie buttons.

    Scurvy, it ain’t pretty.Report

  3. Avatar Jaybird says:

    Imagine Popeye. However, instead of Earth-1 Popeye’s strength inspired by spinach, imagine a Popeye who gained great strength when eating zesty lemon cookie buttons.

    Bluto: Oh yeah? Well, I’m abducting Olive Oyl!
    Olive Oyl: Help! Popeye!
    Popeye: Olives!
    (reaches for zesty lemon cookie buttons at grocery store, sees they’ve been recalled)
    Popeye: Blow me down!
    (Pulls out firearm)

    From this point, I’d say that the description of Earth-2’s cartoon would no longer be appropriate for a family webpage.Report

  4. Avatar Kazzy says:

    Zazzy wants zesty lemon cookies. I cannot procure them. I sleep in the basement. Inconvenient, indeed.Report

  5. Okay, I like everyone’s jokes about zesty lemon cookie buttons, and it does seem that experience zesty lemon cookie buttons inconvenience when you normal provider of zesty lemon cookie buttons has no zesty lemon cookie buttons on offer to satisfy your need for zesty lemon cookie buttons, but I can think of a situation in which a lack of zesty lemon cookie buttons could in fact result in just such an inconvenience:

    If you were deciding where you would be picking up your groceries, and you decided to go to the out-of-the-way store because they sell zesty lemon cookie buttons and you really wanted to buy zesty lemon cookie buttons, but then it turns out that they don’t have zesty lemon cookie buttons to satisfy your zesty lemon cookie buttons desire, then, yes, that could be considered an inconvenience. (And a further inconvenience could result if that store had higher prices, which normally you would be willing to pay in order to get your zesty lemon cookie buttons fix… but alas, no zesty lemon cookie buttons.)

    Other than that, I think @jason-kuznicki nailed it.Report

    • Avatar Chris says:

      I was going to give Jonathan’s answer. Hell, it happened to us this weekend, though not with zesty lemon cookie buttons. We called Home Depot and asked if they had Pride of Barbados (1) in yet. The woman who answered said yes, so we took a bus to Home Depot (about a 20 minute ride) only to find out that no, they won’t get them in for a couple more weeks. We found the woman who had told us they had them, and she said, “Oh, I heard someone talking about them yesterday.” So we took a bus home empty handed, wasting almost two precious Saturday hours. That is inconvenience.

      (1) Every time someone mentions the name of these flowers, I want say “You mean Rihanna?” It was funny the first time, like 5 years ago, but I still want to say it.Report

  6. Avatar Stillwater says:

    Based on the outstanding reviews, I ordered Zesty Lemon Cookie Buttons, 32 oz., Twin Pack by General Mills and they were shipped within days. Upon receiving them I quickly tore thru the protective packaging – two boxes (an outer and an inner) the inner box lined with bubble wrap. Once in hand, my gaze, and not a little drool, fell upon the wrapper separating me from my Zesty Lemon Cookie Buttons, 32 oz. Twin Pack. But what did I see? The Button Cookies were not Lemon. And when I tried one, they most certainly were not Zesty.

    The Cookies were not bad, but they are not as advertised. Now I have to send back my partially consumed Zesty Lemon Cookie Buttons, 32 oz., Twin Pack for a refund. It’s Not worth the inconvenience!Report

  7. Avatar LeeEsq says:

    How about a ginger bread man, a big one that needs them for buttons.Report

  8. Avatar Glyph says:

    “An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry For The Convenience.” – Mitch HedbergReport

  9. Avatar Troublesome Frog says:

    Our foreign executives were out visiting the office and I was tasked with showing them around to impress them. The centerpiece of the event was to be the consumption of Vermont Zesty Lemon Cookie Buttons. You can imagine my embarrassment when the boss asked about the famed cookies and I had to tell him that there were none. Inconvenience indeed. I don’t know if my career will ever recover.Report

  10. Avatar Burt Likko says:

    Considering that the product being recalled is ingestible, I have to wonder at the “inconvenience” that would have been caused by consuming them. Yuck.Report

  11. Avatar dragonfrog says:

    I may yet come up with a tale of inconvenience, but this is not one. What it is, is what this story reminded me of.

    Some years ago, a message board I frequented developed a long-running thread about regionally specific snack foods, with people from around the world talking up their favourites, offering data points as to which of other people’s favourites were in fact available in other countries, or bemoaning the ones they missed as expats. Eventually there was a consensus to have a sort of secret-Santa exchange of regional junk food. A selected referee collected and distributed mailing addresses. I ended up spending almost $50 on postage to send maybe $20 worth of candy around the world, and got some nice care packages. I remember I sent some to England, and received a package from New Zealand.Report

  12. Avatar Damon says:

    Dude!
    I’m inconvenienced when I don’t get my fix of ZLCB when I DAMN FREAKING WANT THEM.

    🙂Report

  13. Avatar Mike Schilling says:

    Man, this is the worst it’s ever been. Prunes don’t help, and neither do dried apricots, or even a cup of vegetable oil. The only thing that really works is eating a couple handfuls of Zesty Lemon Cookie Buttons.Report

  14. Avatar dragonfrog says:

    Now how am I supposed to finish my calorimetric analysis of common snack foods? I’ve been calibrating my equipment every morning with a sample of Vermont Zestly Lemon Cookie Buttons.Report

  15. Avatar Tod Kelly says:

    I stopped by the store to get some Vermont Zestly Lemon Cookie Buttons, and when they didn’t have any I decided I didn’t want anything and left.

    I wandered the city aimlessly for days, unsure of what to do next in a world without Vermont Zestly Lemon Cookie Buttons. As the hunger began to rage in my belly, I became more an more disoriented. The lack of nourishment began to affect my thinking, and over time I entered a state that could only described as feral. Eventually my hunger and animalistic urges took control, and I was forced to survive the only way I knew how: devouring the man flesh of skid row’s homeless.

    The newspaper headlines were sensational and the public demanded justice. The police came after me in waves, as I hid in the hallways of one tenement hall after the other. Finally, a kindly priest took me in and fed me proper food and tended to my shattered soul. Somehow, I found my way back to sanity, and realized I was late for work. And so I got in my car and rushed to continue my old life, free from the chains I had built with my own mind. But then when I was pulling into my work’s parking lot it hit me:

    Crap, when I found out there were no more Vermont Zestly Lemon Cookie Buttons, I’d been so distraught I’d left my sunglasses at the store! So I had to turn around and drive all the way back to get them, which was really inconvenient.Report

  16. Avatar Darwy says:

    I would be sorely inconvenienced by a lack of Zesty Lemon Cookies if I were in the middle of making a ginormous gingerbread house, and now couldn’t complete the roof.

    Because really, Nilla wafers are SO passé.Report