Thursday Night Bar Fight #15: Return to Olympus

Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Editor-in-Chief Emeritus of Ordinary Times. Relapsed Lawyer, admitted to practice law (under his real name) in California and Oregon. On Twitter, to his frequent regret, at @burtlikko. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.

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42 Responses

  1. NewDealer says:

    I’d probably go with Dionysius and Apollo because of music and theatre. Gotta support the arts!Report

  2. Can’t… fight… pedantic… nature… Must… point out… that Helios… is typically associated… with Apollo.


    Oh, and Athena. No question. Goddess of wisdom, industry and just war? Virgin goddess too busy being a bad-ass to put up with any shenanigans from her male counterparts? Leaped fully-formed from her father’s head? Please. Like it’s even a question. And I could justifiably fund nearly any kind of scientific research because, hello? Wisdom, y’all.Report

  3. North says:

    I’ll go with the majority and stick to ol’ Dionysus and Pan. I mean booze, fun and carnal pleasure? What’s to not like? It’d be like I suddenly was 21 again and was mandated to go to the gay bars on Fridays for religious reasons.Report

  4. dragonfrog says:

    Dionysus, no question.

    They probably would have the most fun services – even if I wasn’t in the mood for drunkenness, psychedelics or ritual madness that day, it’s still fun being sober at a rollicking party. Also I might be able to finagle going to plays as some of my annual church service count.

    I’d hope my tithes would fund things like harm reduction and anti-prohibition efforts, something like a parochial equivalent to MAPS (, etc., as well as arts grants to theatre groups.Report

  5. LeeEsq says:

    I’d probably a good Jew and pay the penalty and up out. If I decided to follow the path of High Priest Jasion and join the Hellenizers, I’d go for Athena because she represents republican virture.Report

  6. J@m3z Aitch says:

    Ummmm, Aphrodite…..tempting…

    Except I can guess what kind of guys are going to be flocking to her temple, so being a guy who loves boats and whose kids are swimmers, I think my wise choice is to worship Poseidon with utter devotion (and who’s to say I don’t already?).Report

    • LeeEsq in reply to J@m3z Aitch says:

      At least when you worship Poseidion, you know it won’t take you ten years to get home.Report

    • LeeEsq in reply to J@m3z Aitch says:

      Aphrodite is going to get a lot of nice guys but the problem is that she seems to like bad boys and bro-dudes. I can also imagine celebrities and CEOs flocking to Aphrodite’s worship.

      Hephasteus is going to get the tech people, the nerds, scientists and engineers. Meaning, his religion is going to be fabulously wealthy for once.Report

  7. LeeEsq says:

    We all know that Bill Clinton is going to worship Zeus.Report

  8. Tod Kelly says:

    Can I just say how pleased I am that you worked in a “thanks a lot Obama?”Report

  9. Tod Kelly says:

    Got to go with Apollo, god of music. God other things as well, I am lead to understand, but those things aren’t important, because Apollo is the god of music.

    In modern times, I picture him as a kind of giant-sized Phil Spector.Report

  10. Jaybird says:

    Apollo and Athena.

    For most of my life, whenever I have needed divine intervention, I would have most benefited from them giving it to me.

    Might as well make that official.Report

    • NewDealer in reply to Jaybird says:

      Karaoke night?Report

      • Jaybird in reply to NewDealer says:

        For that I have a different prayer.

        “Oh, Gloria Gaynor. Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the pipes to make it through this song…”Report

    • Maribou in reply to Jaybird says:

      And yet, Poseidon is the only one you’ve prayed to in the last 3 years. LOUDLY. In semi-public (family occasions). Tsk. God-changer.

      Poseidon or Pan for me. I shall worship no god that doesn’t make me extremely nervous.

      (Alt-answer: ANYONE BUT ZEUS. Talk about rape culture… )Report

      • Maribou in reply to Maribou says:

        (Yes, yes, Pan had that whole Syrinx thing, etc. – but he didn’t actually MANAGE it; women were always turning into things to get away from him. Whereas Zeus turned into things to keep women from getting away from him. easy choice.)Report

      • Maribou in reply to Maribou says:

        As for chairities, the list you list for Poseidon suits me pretty well.

        Pan: nature trusts, wetland restoration, mosquito nets, folk revivals, and nonprofit radio stations that play rock and roll, blues, dubstep, and other musics of the people (seriously, apollo? NOT down with student radio. he’s more of a season subscription to the symphony guy….)Report

      • Glyph in reply to Maribou says:

        Unfortunately, Pan’s services all feature Zamfir as musical director. Sorry.


      • Maribou in reply to Maribou says:

        Psh. Zamfir is a result of centuries of Christian oppression. The traditions have been warped almost beyond recognition, but they can still be restored. Maybe I should try and get a job as a priestess.

        (Yes, there are many layers of irony in the above… you can take the woman out of the religious studies minor, but not so much the religious studies minor out of the woman.)Report

  11. Citizen says:

    I will be found in the crowded halls of anarchy. The toothed chisel will be carving: “PEOPLE ARE NOT ASSETS UNDER MANAGEMENT”Report

  12. Well, duh. I’m picking myself.

    But if Zeus, as a mere god, is somehow subservient to the Gummint (thanks, Obama!) and is barred from worshiping himself, then I’ll have to go with Apollo.

    Light is kind of a good thing.
    So is music.
    And truth.
    And let’s definitely not forget that whole “healing” thing, especially if we otherwise have to put up with gummint-run health care. I’m gonna want that in spades.Report

  13. Kazzy says:

    As someone whose last name is pronounced with a syllable that sounds identical to “Zeus”, I have to go with that guy. People might think we’re related.Report

  14. James K says:

    For me it would be Hephaestus and/or Athena. Knoweldge and industry, it’s what makes the world go round.Report

  15. Patrick says:

    For this, I would resurrect a temple to Thor.Report

  16. Burt Likko says:

    For the record, my choices would be Athena and Apollo. But I might attend some services of Hera. I value domestic harmony in my own household highly, and She gets mighty ticked off when She thinks She’s being afforded insufficient respect.Report

  17. Mad Rocket Scientist says:

    Hephaestus (engineer) or Poseidon (sailor), maybe Athena or Artemis.Report

  18. Pinky says:

    Christian, penalty, if need be then death. This one’s easy.Report

  19. Damon says:

    I’ll be in the hills, formenting revolution.Report

  20. Jason Kuznicki says:

    We have some pretty good pagan hymns just lately too:


    Of the two, I opt for the former. And if we’re bringing back the old ways, I remain as ever — an Epicurean:

    Don’t fear god,
    Don’t worry about death;
    What is good is easy to get, and
    What is terrible is easy to endure.


  21. Jason Kuznicki says:

    Of course, on second thought, I might as well just openly worship Hades.Report