Thursday Night Bar Fight #12: Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Batman!!!
Bad news everybody!
It was brought up at Leaguefest that this blog lacks the single ingredient that makes any enterprise truly Great and Important:
A theme song.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that everything is better when it has a theme song. The Brady Bunch and Gilligan’s Island each had one, and they were actually pretty necessary because they put everything we were about to see into context. Without them, we’d have spent the whole half hour puzzling over what was happening.
Why is that woman so peppy? She’s birthed six children, for Christ sakes, one right after the other! Why doesn’t she go have a nice lie down?
Why the f**k is that woman wearing a gold lame dress on the beach? And why do those old farts have a suitcase full of cash? Also, that nice gay gentleman in the pressed white shirt – why is he putting vacuum tubes in coconuts?
We didn’t have to ask these questions, because they were all answered by the theme song: Carol Brady didn’t birth all six Brady kids, she was merely a widow who had gone to great lengths to eliminate every trace of her dead husband’s very existence; in fact, she probably killed him. As to the islanders odd quirks, well,the theme song provided a perfectly good explanation for those as well: they were a movie star, millionaires and a professor – that’s why!
Other theme songs work different kinds of wonders.
When you heard the theme song to The Love Boat, you knew before even watching it that it was going to be horrible, cheesy dreck and you’d turn the channel accordingly. The Big Mac theme song let you know exactly what the hell it was you just ate, and Local TV News shows have theme songs that helpfully encourage you to never, ever watch Local TV News. Even presidential campaigns have theme songs. Bush the Elder used Woody Guthrie, Bill Clinton’s picked Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, and George W.’s chose Tom Petty’s I Won’t Back Down. Back in late 2007 I was really hoping that Barack Obama was going to choose something cool and retro like Sreamin’ Jay Hawkins’s I Put A Spell on You or Thundercats Are Go! from The Thundercats, but he disappointed me by going with the insipid Yes We Can by Will I Am. (Thanks a lot, Obama!)
Beers, bears, bears and beers, hybrid cars, The Peanuts, Our Lord and Savior – you name it, theme songs are everywhere – almost. Because to my knowledge, there is no politics/culture blog that has it’s own theme song.
And therein lies this Thursday Night Bar Fight quandary:
What should the we have be the League’s Theme Song, and why?
As always there are a few ground rules:
1. You may nominate up to three different songs.
2. The winning theme song should in some way describe the League, its mission or its community.
3. You can up- or down-vote any nomination in the threads, either with straight votes or praise/derision. Judges reserve the right to award extra points for good/entertaining reasons for or against a nomination.
4. You have until Saturday to nominate or vote.
I will announce the League’s theme song on Sunday.
Bomus question: Feel free to suggest theme songs for other blogs, because it was just hitting me that not enough of them hate us yet.
Note: Special thanks to everyone at Leaguefest, especially Barb, Roger, Angela and Mark, who thought up and crystalized this week’s question over dinner.